Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and tense consistency, make the response more natural and concise, and add one specific detail. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a supporting detail using a linking word. Avoid repeating simple words.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. Every weekend my family and I would visit the local park, where my siblings and I played on the swings and climbed trees. Because it was our routine, those visits became a special time for us to bond and have a picnic afterwards.

提案: Be concise and natural; use correct present simple or present continuous tense and avoid awkward negatives. Provide a brief reason and, if relevant, contrast with past habit using a linking word. Keep to under five sentences.

例: Not really. As an adult I prefer going to malls because I enjoy shopping and there are more activities indoors. However, I sometimes visit parks for fresh air and exercise when I want to relax.

提案: Good content and clear opinion. Improve natural phrasing, use linking words for clarity, and add one specific example of benefits (e.g., exercise, community events). Keep it concise and correct collocations (say 'greenery' or 'green spaces').

例: Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because green spaces make me feel calm and improve air quality. For example, small parks would give people places to exercise, walk their dogs and hold community events.

提案: Correct awkward phrasing and hesitations, be specific about the park name or features, and use linking words to list attractions. Avoid fillers like 'umm' and keep it within five sentences.

例: In the future I would like to visit the large central park in the city centre because it has many attractions. For instance, there are food stalls, outdoor art installations and recreational areas where I could relax or join events.

× As I remember being child, I love going to parks.

✓ As I remember being a child, I loved going to parks.

The sentence mixes past memory with present tense 'love'. When referring to a habit in childhood, use past tense 'loved'. Also missing the article 'a' before 'child'. Suggestion: use 'As I remember being a child' and 'I loved going to parks.'

× We play with my brother and my sister and after that we eat.

✓ We played with my brother and sister, and after that we ate.

The context is childhood, so verb tense should be past ('played', 'ate'). Also 'my' before 'sister' is unnecessary when listing family members. Use past tense to match time frame.

× As an adult, I prefer going to malls rather than parks because in malls I can go shopping.

✓ As an adult, I prefer going to malls rather than parks because in malls I can go shopping.

No grammatical correction needed; sentence correctly uses present simple to describe a current preference and ability. Keep as is.

× Now with the park I'm not.

✓ Now I am not interested in parks.

Original sentence is incomplete and unclear. 'Now with the park I'm not' lacks an object or complement. Replace with 'I am not interested in parks' to convey intended meaning.

× I'm not going to do anything anymore.

✓ I don't do anything there anymore.

Context contrasts past habits with current behavior. 'I'm not going to do anything anymore' implies a future intention; better to use present simple 'I don't do anything there anymore' to state current practice. If speaker meant future refusal, use 'I am not going to do anything there anymore.'

× I won't play.

✓ I don't play there anymore.

Similarly, 'I won't play' suggests a future refusal; the likely meaning is that the speaker no longer plays at parks, so present simple 'I don't play there anymore' fits better. If meaning future, 'I won't play there' should include 'there' for clarity.

× I would love to see more parks in my city because when I see parks I feel calm and I think the environment is healthy because I can see more greens.

✓ I would love to see more parks in my city because when I see parks I feel calm, and I think the environment is healthy because I can see more greenery.

Change 'more greens' to 'more greenery' because 'greens' is informal and usually refers to leafy vegetables; 'greenery' or 'more green space' is the correct noun. Commas added for clarity.

× In the future I would like to go through A to a big park in the metro because there are a lot of things to do.

✓ In the future I would like to go to a big park in the metro area because there are a lot of things to do.

Replace 'go through A to a big park' with 'go to a big park' and 'metro' with 'metro area' for natural English. 'Go through' is incorrect here; use 'go to' to indicate visiting a place.

× There are food stalls, umm, some are artworks.

✓ There are food stalls and some artworks.

Sentence fragment 'umm, some are artworks' is awkward. Combine into a single clear sentence: 'There are food stalls and some artworks.' This removes filler and fixes parallel structure.