Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition, correct small errors, and organize into a clear topic sentence plus one or two supporting details. Avoid filler words (uh) and repeated phrases. Also correct measurable details (e.g., “15-meter walk” not “15 meter walk”) and a final concise summary sentence.

例: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child. It was only a 15‑minute walk from my home, so my friends and I would go there every afternoon to play football and explore the playground. Because it was close and safe, we often spent the whole day there before walking home.

提案: Give a clear main idea then one specific reason with linking words. Avoid fillers and vague phrases; use precise vocabulary (e.g., “relaxing,” “unwind,” “reduce stress”). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax after a long day. For example, walking among trees and sitting by the pond helps me unwind and reduces my stress.

提案: Make the response concise with a clear topic sentence and one or two specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., “busy city,” “children,” “people”) and avoid redundancy. Provide a concrete benefit (health, community space) to strengthen answer.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because it is very crowded and lacks green space. More parks would give children safe places to play and provide residents with areas to exercise and relax, improving community wellbeing.

提案: Clarify the main idea and avoid unclear words (“fires,” repeated words). Name one or two specific parks or types of parks and give a reason for interest. Use linking words like “for example” or “because.” Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I have several parks I want to visit abroad, for example Central Park in New York and Hyde Park in London. I’m interested in them because they are famous, have large green areas, and host cultural events that I’d like to experience.

× It was uh, 15 meter walk from my home and we used to go there with my friends, play a lot of games in there there all day and come back home.

✓ It was, uh, a 15-meter walk from my home, and we used to go there with my friends, play a lot of games there all day, and come back home.

Use of countable noun 'meter' requires an article and singular form with a hyphen when used as a compound adjective before a noun: 'a 15-meter walk'. Also remove the duplicated 'there' and add commas to separate ideas for clarity.

× So yes, I loved packs when I was a child.

✓ So yes, I loved parks when I was a child.

The word 'packs' is a misspelling; the correct noun is 'parks'. This is a lexical error rather than grammar, but it affects meaning. Replace with the correct noun 'parks'.

× I really like going to the park 'cause it's like a, uh, it's really enjoyable in the park.

✓ I really like going to the park because it's really enjoyable there.

Use 'there' instead of repeating 'in the park' to avoid redundancy. Also 'cause' is informal; 'because' is clearer. Removing 'it's like a, uh' eliminates filler and improves grammatical clarity.

× And as I do love to go in the park, when I have a very long day and I'm very stressful, I enjoy going at the park.

✓ And since I love going to the park, when I have a very long day and feel very stressed, I enjoy going to the park.

Use 'going to the park' not 'going in the park' or 'going at the park'. 'I'm very stressful' is incorrect — use 'I feel very stressed' to describe emotional state. 'As' is better replaced by 'since' for clarity.

× Yes, I will love to see more back in my city because my city is a very city, very busy country and it's full of houses and residents.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because my city is very busy and full of houses and residents.

Use 'would love' to express desire politely rather than 'will love'. 'Back' is incorrect here; use 'parks'. 'Very city, very busy country' is ungrammatical and unclear — simplify to 'very busy'. Also 'country' is wrong in context.

× So I think the more the parks, the better it will because it will be a really good source for the children's and for the peoples to go and have quality time there.

✓ So I think the more parks there are, the better, because they will be a really good resource for children and for people to go and have quality time there.

'The more the parks' is incorrect word order; use 'the more parks there are'. 'Children's' is possessive and wrong; use 'children'. 'Peoples' is incorrect plural; use 'people'. 'Source' is better as 'resource'. Adjust verb agreement 'they will' to match plural 'parks'.

× Are there any parks you want to go to in the future? ... Yes, there are a lot of fires I go, I will will to go in the future.

✓ Yes, there are a lot of parks I want to go to in the future.

Sentence contains many errors: 'fires' should be 'parks'. 'I go, I will will to go' is ungrammatical; replace with 'I want to go to'. Use 'to' after 'go' when indicating destination.

× Most of them are out of my country and I as I really like back.

✓ Most of them are outside my country, and I really like parks.

Use 'outside my country' instead of 'out of my country'. The phrase 'and I as I really like back' is ungrammatical; clarify to 'and I really like parks' or specify which parks. 'Back' is incorrect.

× So yes, I do have a lot of parks in my list that I want to visit in the future. Maybe I'll soon visit them too.

✓ So yes, I do have a lot of parks on my list that I want to visit in the future. Maybe I'll visit them soon.

Use 'on my list' not 'in my list'. Place adverb 'soon' after the verb or at the end: 'I'll visit them soon'. This improves natural word order in future tense.