Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, correct grammar, and organize into a clear topic sentence plus one or two supporting details. Use past tense consistently, fix pronouns and articles, and avoid repetition. Add a brief specific example of an activity to make the answer more vivid.

例: I didn’t go to parks as a child because there were no parks in my neighborhood. Instead, we had a large open field nearby where my mother would take me and my siblings for picnics. For example, we often brought homemade snacks and played simple games like tag while enjoying the fresh air.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and one specific reason or example. Remove filler words and avoid repeating the same phrase. Use present simple or present continuous correctly and keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks whenever I have free time. I often go after work to relax and take a short walk, which helps me de-stress and clear my mind.

提案: Start with a clear opinion, then give two concise, specific reasons. Avoid vague phrases like 'as we all know' and redundant words. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' correctly and keep sentences varied in structure.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because urban green spaces give people a place to relax and exercise. For example, families could use them for weekend picnics and children could have safe places to play.

提案: Clarify which park you mean and use correct vocabulary and grammar. Give a clear topic sentence naming the park, then add one specific reason why you want to visit, with a concrete detail. Avoid vague descriptions like 'a box' and repeated filler words.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York City in the future. I want to see its large green spaces and views of the Manhattan skyline, and I’m also interested in walking the famous paths and visiting the lakes there.

× I didn't go to the parks when I was a child because there was no parks in my area where I was living.

✓ I didn't go to the parks when I was a child because there were no parks in my area where I was living.

The original sentence uses 'there was no parks' which is incorrect because 'parks' is plural and requires 'there were' (plural form of 'there be'). Use 'there were no parks' to match plural noun. Also maintain past progressive 'was living' which is acceptable here.

× But instead of going parks, we have a big field around the place where I were living in.

✓ But instead of going to parks, we had a big field around the place where I was living.

Two issues: missing preposition 'to' after 'going' (correct: 'going to parks'), and incorrect tense/person: 'we have' should be past 'we had' to match past narrative. Also 'where I were living in' has wrong verb form 'were' for first person singular and redundant 'in' at the end; correct is 'where I was living'.

× And when I was a child, my mother used to take there with some foods and and we used to sit whole day and eat the food and enjoy the environment in the park.

✓ And when I was a child, my mother used to take me there with some food and we used to sit the whole day, eat, and enjoy the park's atmosphere.

Multiple problems: missing object after 'take' (need 'take me there'), 'foods' is uncountable here so use 'food', duplicate 'and and', 'sit whole day' needs article 'the' ('sit the whole day'), and 'enjoy the environment in the park' is awkward; 'enjoy the park's atmosphere' or 'enjoy the surroundings' is clearer. Tense 'used to' is correct for habitual past.

× Yes, I still like going to the parks now, whenever I'm free and, uh, whenever I'm free from the work.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now whenever I'm free from work.

Use 'going to parks' without 'the' unless referring to specific parks. 'Whenever I'm free from the work' should be 'free from work' or 'free from my work' — omit the definite article 'the' in this general context. Also remove filler 'uh' for clarity.

× Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because as we all know, nowadays lives are very busy and everybody is doing their jobs and busy in their own time.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because, as we all know, lives are very busy nowadays and everybody is busy with their own jobs and schedules.

Word order and quantifier problems: 'nowadays lives are very busy' is awkward — better 'lives are very busy nowadays'. 'Everybody is doing their jobs and busy in their own time' is redundant; use 'busy with their own jobs and schedules'. This makes the sentence clearer and grammatically correct.

× So whenever we are free, we can just go to the parks and spend some valuable time with our friends and families.

✓ So whenever we are free, we can just go to parks and spend some valuable time with our friends and family.

Use 'go to parks' (general) rather than 'the parks'. 'Friends and families' should be 'friends and family' or 'friends and families' depending on meaning; 'friends and family' is the standard collocation for spending time with loved ones.

× Yes, it is a box which lies in the United States of America.

✓ Yes, it's a park in the United States of America.

'It is a box which lies' is incorrect noun choice and awkward structure. The student likely meant 'a park located in the United States of America'. Use 'park' and 'in the United States of America' for correct and natural phrasing.

× That is the park I want to go in the future because it is like kind of a very big park and and from that park we can see the beautiful skyline of the America.

✓ That's the park I want to go to in the future because it's a very large park, and from that park we can see the beautiful skyline of America.

Use the correct verb-preposition collocation 'go to' (not 'go in'). Remove redundant phrasing 'like kind of a very big park' — use 'a very large park'. 'The America' is incorrect; use 'America' or 'the United States' without 'the'. Also remove duplicate 'and and'.