Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct small grammar issues (e.g., "in the park for picnics" not "in the park for the picnics and all").

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were fun and lively. For example, I often played on the swings with my friends, and my parents sometimes took us for picnics, which made those afternoons memorable.

提案: Make your answer more fluent and remove fillers. Give one clear reason and one specific example, using a linking word like "because" or "so" to connect ideas. Fix grammar: "some of my friends" and avoid ending with vague phrases like "and all."

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because some of my friends often join me there. For instance, we sometimes have picnics or play games after studying, which helps us relax and feel refreshed.

提案: Be direct and avoid repeating phrases. Give a clear reason and a specific benefit of more parks. Use linking words like "because" or "so that" and correct grammar (e.g., "as humans" not "for us as a human").

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide places for families and friends to relax and learn about nature. For example, having more parks would allow people to exercise, socialize, and observe local plants and birds.

提案: Be concise and focus on a clear future intention. Use correct tense ("want to go" not "wanted to go") and avoid repetition. Give one specific park or area and a brief reason why you want to visit.

例: Yes, I want to visit parks in Noida and Gurgaon in the future because they are larger and have special attractions. However, my parents currently do not allow me to travel that far since I am only 16.

× Yes, I liked going to parks when I was a child because it was very it was fun to go there, playing on the swings with my friends and sometimes my parents also took me in the park for the picnics and all.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks when I was a child because it was very fun to go there; I played on the swings with my friends and sometimes my parents took me to the park for picnics.

The original sentence repeats phrases and mixes tenses and forms awkwardly. Use past simple consistently for childhood memories (liked, played, took). Remove redundant words ('it was very it was fun') and correct preposition use ('took me to the park' instead of 'took me in the park'). Combine clauses with a semicolon or split into two sentences for clarity.

× Yes, I still like going to parks now because my some of the friends also join me to the park and we sometimes, uh, gather for a picnic or we play sometimes so that we could feel fresh after studying and all.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now because some of my friends join me at the park and we sometimes gather for a picnic or play so that we can feel refreshed after studying.

The phrase 'my some of the friends' has incorrect word order; use 'some of my friends'. Use correct preposition 'at the park'. Replace 'we could feel fresh' with 'we can feel refreshed' to match present habit and use a natural adjective. Remove filler words and duplicate adverbs for clarity.

× Yes, I would definitely like to see more parks to experience more parks with my friends and my family because for us as a human, it's so it's so much fun that we learn something and we that we learn and experience new things around us.

✓ Yes, I would definitely like to see more parks to visit with my friends and family because, as humans, it is very enjoyable and we can learn and experience new things around us.

The sentence repeats phrases and misuses 'to experience more parks' — better 'to visit'. 'For us as a human' is incorrect; use plural 'as humans'. Remove repeated fragments and use modal 'can' to indicate ability to learn and experience. Also correct 'it's so it's so much fun' redundancy.

× Yes, there are some parks that I wanted to go in future because now I am only 16 years old and my parents don't allow me to go that far.

✓ Yes, there are some parks that I want to go to in the future, but now I am only 16 years old and my parents do not allow me to go that far.

Use present simple 'want' for future intention rather than past 'wanted'. Add preposition 'to' after 'go'. Use 'in the future' or 'to in the future' corrected to 'to in the future' changed to 'to in the future' -> actually 'go to in the future' simplified to 'go to in the future' corrected to 'go to in the future' -> final correction provided above. Use 'do not' for clear negative in present. Maintain consistent tense.

× Parks to visit those far parks like in Noida or Gurgaon, there are uh, parks which I want to visit but I can't because I'm 16 only.

✓ There are parks I want to visit that are far away, like those in Noida or Gurgaon, but I cannot because I am only 16.

The original word order and prepositions are incorrect and repetitive. Use 'parks... that are far away' or 'those in Noida' to express location. Replace 'I can't because I'm 16 only' with 'I cannot because I am only 16' for formality and clarity. Remove filler 'uh' and redundant phrases.