Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Focus on concise, fluent delivery and correct minor errors. Begin with a direct topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, and correct pronunciation/word choice (e.g., "unforgettable"). Keep to 2–3 supporting sentences with specific details (what games, where you picnicked).

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took me there to play hide-and-seek and have picnics with my cousins, which created many unforgettable family memories.

提案: Avoid repetition and hesitations; make grammar consistent (e.g., "we sometimes have picnics"). Use a clear topic sentence then 1–2 specific examples of activities and one concise comment about why it matters.

例: Yes — I still enjoy parks. Now I go with my family, where we often jog, walk our dog and sometimes have picnics; these outings help us relax and spend quality time together.

提案: Be slightly more concise and add a specific reason or benefit (e.g., health, community). Use linking words (e.g., "because", "so") correctly and avoid unnecessary phrasing such as "if I were given a chance" — instead say "I would like more parks".

例: Yes — I would like more parks in my city because they encourage outdoor exercise and provide a safe place for families to relax and socialize.

提案: Improve fluency and accuracy: avoid repeated words and awkward phrasing (e.g., "go to that park" not "go on that park"). Provide one or two specific details about why the park appeals to you (e.g., cherry blossoms, lake). Keep statements short and clear.

例: Yes — I want to visit Bueno Park in Japan. We missed it on our last trip, and I would love to see its beautiful cherry trees and peaceful lakeside paths.

× This is really a memorable and unforgative, unforgettable, umm activities that we do as a family.

✓ These were really memorable and unforgettable activities that we did as a family.

Original mixes singular verb 'is' with plural noun 'activities' and uses incorrect adjective form 'unforgative' plus hesitations. Change to plural 'These were' and past tense 'did' to match 'When I was a child'. Use correct adjective 'unforgettable'. Remove filler words for clarity.

× Absolutely. I love going to parks.

✓ Absolutely. I loved going to parks.

The question asks about liking parks as a child (past). Using present tense 'love' is inconsistent. Change to past 'loved' to match the time frame in the question.

× When I was a child, my parents used to bring me to parks to play games, have a picnic and bond with my cousins.

✓ When I was a child, my parents used to bring me to parks to play games, have picnics and bond with my cousins.

Parallelism and count: 'have a picnic' should be plural 'have picnics' to match recurring past habit 'used to'. Keep verbs parallel and consistent in plural where appropriate.

× Yes, I still love going to parks now, Now that I have my own family, we still go to parks.

✓ Yes, I still love going to parks now. Now that I have my own family, we still go to parks.

Mainly punctuation and capitalization: split into two sentences and capitalize correctly. Tense 'still love' and 'we still go' are acceptable for present habits.

× We jog, run, walk and sometimes we do picnic as well.

✓ We jog, run, walk, and sometimes have picnics as well.

'Do picnic' is not idiomatic. Use 'have picnics'. Also add a comma for list clarity and maintain parallel verb forms.

× It is more memorable now that I have my family and still doing the same thing as as when I when I was a child.

✓ It is more memorable now that I have my family and I'm still doing the same things as when I was a child.

Missing auxiliary 'am' before 'still doing' and plural 'things' fits activities. Remove repeated words 'as as when I when I' and correct to 'as when I was a child'.

× Yes, I would love to because parks really bring back the childhood memories that I had.

✓ Yes, I would love more parks because parks really bring back the childhood memories I had.

Original is acceptable but slightly redundant. Removed 'to' after 'love' and simplified 'that I had' to 'I had' for conciseness. 'Would love more parks' explicitly answers question about wanting more parks.

× So if I were given a chance, I would love to have more parks here in my city.

✓ So if I were given the chance, I would love to have more parks in my city.

Use definite article 'the chance' in this conditional and prefer 'in my city' over 'here in my city' for smoother phrasing.

× Yes, I would like to go to Bueno Park. That is the park located in Japan that we were not able to visit when when we traveled in Japan.

✓ Yes, I would like to go to Bueno Park. It is a park in Japan that we were not able to visit when we traveled there.

Avoid repeating 'when' and 'Japan'; use 'there' for the location already mentioned. 'Located in Japan' is wordy; 'a park in Japan' is natural.

× If ever that I will be given a chance to get back to Japan, I would love to go on that park.

✓ If I am ever given the chance to return to Japan, I would love to go to that park.

Conditional phrasing corrected: use 'If I am ever given the chance' and 'return to Japan'. Use preposition 'to' with 'go to that park' rather than 'go on that park'.

× The view the the the the atmosphere and the trees are really captivating.

✓ The view, the atmosphere, and the trees are really captivating.

Remove repeated filler 'the'. Use commas to separate items in a list. The plural verb 'are' correctly agrees with the compound subject; just clean up repetition.