Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid repetition (‘going to the parks’ twice) and use a linking word to connect your reason.

例: No, I didn’t like going to parks as a child because large crowds made me feel unsafe. For example, noisy events and many strangers often made me anxious, so I preferred staying home and playing quietly instead.

提案: Open with a direct topic sentence, then use a linking word and give a specific reason and a short contrast. ‘Take a walk around’ could be tightened to ‘take walks’ or ‘walk around the lake’.

例: No, I still avoid parks because crowds make me uncomfortable. Instead, I prefer walking around a nearby lake where it’s quieter and I can relax and think.

提案: Start with a clear opinion, then give two concise, specific benefits using linking phrases (e.g. ‘for example’, ‘also’). Avoid filler words like ‘uh’ and small errors such as capitalizing ‘A’.

例: Yes, I would. More parks would give residents ready access to green space for relaxation and stress relief. Also, installing outdoor gym equipment would encourage exercise and help people adopt healthier lifestyles.

提案: Give a direct answer, then briefly explain with a specific reason and use a linking word. Use consistent capitalization (‘botanical garden’) and avoid repeating ‘any’.

例: No, I don’t plan to visit parks soon because I prefer indoor cultural sites. For example, I’d rather spend time in museums or a botanical garden where I can learn and enjoy curated exhibits.

× No, I did not like going to the parks because I did not feel safe in crowds.

✓ No, I did not like going to parks because I did not feel safe in crowds.

The definite article 'the' before 'parks' is unnecessary when speaking generally about parks in childhood. Use zero article for general plural nouns. Suggestion: remove 'the' to indicate parks in general.

× Instead, I chose to stay at home and spend some time playing around.

✓ Instead, I chose to stay at home and spend some time playing.

The phrasal verb 'playing around' can imply aimless or inappropriate behavior; in this context 'playing' is more natural. Also no grammatical rule forces 'around' here. Suggestion: remove 'around' to sound natural and concise.

× No, I still do not like to go to the park because the crowds scare me.

✓ No, I still do not like to go to parks because crowds scare me.

Using 'the park' suggests a specific park; the student speaks generally about parks. Use plural without article for general preference. Also 'the crowds' can be 'crowds' in general.

× Rather than going to the park, I prefer going to a nearby lake where I take a walk around.

✓ Rather than going to the park, I prefer going to a nearby lake where I take a walk.

'Take a walk around' is redundant; 'take a walk' suffices. Also if meaning to walk around the lake, 'walk around the lake' would be clearer. Suggestion: use 'take a walk' or 'walk around the lake' for clarity.

× Yes, adding more parks to my city would be a great idea, especially for people who would like to spend their time in greenery for relaxing.

✓ Yes, adding more parks to my city would be a great idea, especially for people who would like to spend their time in greenery to relax.

Phrase 'for relaxing' is awkward; 'to relax' is the correct infinitive to express purpose. 'In greenery' is acceptable but slightly formal; it's grammatical. Suggestion: change 'for relaxing' to 'to relax' for natural English.

× And adding more gym outdoor equipment would actually help uh people do some exercise and adopt A healthier lifestyle.

✓ Adding more outdoor gym equipment would actually help people get some exercise and adopt a healthier lifestyle.

Word order: 'outdoor gym equipment' is the natural order. Remove filler 'uh'. 'Do some exercise' is less natural than 'get some exercise'. Capital 'A' is incorrect; use lowercase 'a' if present. Suggestion: reorder adjectives, remove filler, and use 'get some exercise'.

× No, I don't have any plans to visit any park in the near future.

✓ No, I don't have any plans to visit any parks in the near future.

When speaking generally about visiting parks, plural 'parks' without article is more natural after 'any'. Use plural to match 'any plans'.

× Rather than going to the park, I would actually like to visit places like museums or Botanical Garden.

✓ Rather than going to the park, I would actually like to visit places like museums or the botanical garden.

'Botanical Garden' should not be capitalized unless it's the official name; use lowercase 'botanical garden' or include 'the' for a specific place. Also include 'the' before 'botanical garden' if referring to a specific garden. Suggestion: write 'the botanical garden' or 'botanical gardens' depending on meaning.