Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện tính tự nhiên, ngữ pháp và mạch lạc: trả lời trực tiếp bằng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng; tránh lặp từ và sử dụng thì phù hợp; thêm chi tiết cụ thể ngắn gọn với liên từ để mạch lạc. Ví dụ: bắt đầu bằng "Yes, I loved going to parks as a child" rồi giải thích tại sao và nêu một hoạt động cụ thể.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they made me feel relaxed and happy. For example, my family and I would often have picnics, play games like frisbee, and talk together, which helped us bond.

提案: Cải thiện rõ ràng và trôi chảy: tránh tiếng ừ/ ngập ngừng, sử dụng câu trình bày trực tiếp về hiện tại và thói quen; sửa lỗi từ vựng (ví dụ "go to school or die" không hợp). Nên nói rõ tần suất và lý do ngắn gọn bằng liên từ như "because" hoặc "so".

例: Yes, I still like going to parks now because I am a student and I often visit them at the weekend to relax. For instance, my friends and I usually go to a nearby park on Saturdays to chat, exercise, or study outdoors.

提案: Cải thiện cấu trúc câu và từ vựng chính xác: mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, dùng từ đúng (ví dụ "less pollution" thay vì "the pollutions") và thêm kết luận ngắn. Dùng liên từ như "because" và một ví dụ cụ thể (ví dụ về lợi ích sức khỏe hoặc hoạt động) để thuyết phục hơn.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because trees improve air quality and reduce pollution. For example, more green spaces would allow residents to exercise outside, breathe fresher air, and escape the busy city noise.

提案: Tăng tính tự nhiên và chính xác về ngữ pháp: dùng thì tương lai phù hợp và diễn đạt tự nhiên hơn (ví dụ "I would like to visit a national park"), thêm chi tiết cụ thể về địa điểm hoặc hoạt động và tránh lỗi nhỏ ("take photos").

例: Yes, I would like to visit a national park in the future because it looks beautiful and would help me relax. For example, I plan to visit a national park next year to go hiking, take photos of the scenery, and enjoy birdwatching.

× Yes, I enjoy, glad.

✓ Yes, I enjoyed it and felt glad.

The student mixes present and past forms and omits an object. The question asks about childhood (past), so use simple past 'enjoyed' and 'felt'. Include the object 'it' for clarity. Suggestion: use consistent past tense and complete clauses.

× I enjoy going to the park.

✓ I enjoyed going to the park.

The question refers to childhood, so the action should be in the past: 'enjoyed' instead of 'enjoy'. Use simple past for habits in the past.

× When I when I watch I feel, I feel relaxed and happy.

✓ When I went there, I felt relaxed and happy.

Repetition and tense mismatch. For past habits use 'went' and 'felt'. Also 'watch' is unclear; likely meant 'went there' or 'was there'. Suggest simplifying to one clause with past tense.

× When I go to the park with my family in here we talking, we playing and working together.

✓ When I went to the park with my family, we talked, played, and worked together.

Tense must be past for childhood. Use past verbs 'talked', 'played', 'worked' and add commas. Original used present participles without auxiliary and had 'in here' which is incorrect; remove it.

× So it's a relationship.

✓ So it helped our family bond.

The original is vague and ungrammatical. For meaning 'improved relationship', rephrase to 'helped our family bond' to be grammatical and clear, using past tense.

× Maybe yes, because, uh, I'm, I'm student, so I, uh, go to school or die.

✓ Maybe yes, because I am a student, so I go to school or work during the week.

Grammar and vocabulary errors: missing article before 'student' and 'die' is wrong word. Use 'a student' and correct phrase 'work during the week'. Keep present simple for current state.

× What on the work on the weekend?

✓ On the weekend we work or we go out.

Word order and structure are incorrect. Rephrase into a clear sentence with subject and verb: 'On the weekend we work' or 'On the weekend we go out'.

× We are, uh, we go outside and we go to the park.

✓ We go outside and we go to the park.

Unnecessary repetition of 'we are'. Maintain simple present for habitual actions. Remove filler and duplicated subject.

× Uh, few.

✓ We sometimes do.

Single word 'few' is unclear and ungrammatical. Use 'We sometimes do' or 'A few times' to express frequency.

× MMM, I think I would like to see more parks in my city is trees, many trees, uh, because when I, when we, when I have, when park have many trees, uh, the air, the, the pollutions, very fresh air and uh.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city with many trees, because when parks have many trees, the air is fresher and there is less pollution.

Run-on sentence with incorrect clauses and grammar. Use 'with many trees' and correct subject-verb agreement 'parks have'. Use comparative 'fresher' and say 'less pollution'. Simplify and use present simple for general statements.

× Oh yes, I want to go to a National Park in the future.

✓ Oh yes, I want to go to a national park in the future.

Capitalization: 'national park' should be lowercase unless it's a proper name. Tense is fine (present desire for future action).

× It's look beautiful and it can help me relax and enjoy nature.

✓ It looks beautiful and can help me relax and enjoy nature.

Subject-verb agreement error: 'It's look' should be 'It looks'. 'It can help' is fine. Use present simple for general statements about the park.

× For example, I have to visit a park next year and do some hiking and take photo.

✓ For example, I plan to visit a park next year to do some hiking and take photos.

Use 'plan to' or 'intend to' for future arrangements rather than 'have to' which implies obligation. Use plural 'photos'. Structure with 'to' + verb for purpose: 'to do some hiking and take photos'.