Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and filler words, and use simple past consistently when talking about childhood. Use linking words like “because” or “so” to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My father often picked me up from my mother’s house and took me to nearby parks where we would play on the swings and have picnics, which I always enjoyed.

提案: Give a clear direct answer then contrast past and present succinctly. Use linking words like “but” and “nowadays” correctly and avoid grammatical errors (subject-verb agreement, articles). Limit to max 3–4 supporting details and be specific about activities.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but for different reasons now. As a child I went there to play with other children; nowadays I visit parks to relax, go for runs, and clear my mind.

提案: Answer directly and provide specific reasons with clear language. Replace fillers like “umm” and avoid repeating words. Use a linking phrase such as “because” and give concrete benefits (air quality, recreation space, community events).

例: Yes, I would. I think more parks would improve air quality and provide pleasant green spaces for exercise and family activities, which would make the city more comfortable to live in.

提案: Be precise about the place and explain why you want to visit. Avoid confusing comparisons and correct phrasing (e.g., “not a natural park”). Use one or two supporting reasons and a linking word like “because.”

例: Yes, I would like to visit Disneyland someday because it is a famous theme park with many rides and shows, and I think it would be a fun and memorable experience.

× I remember when I was a child my dad used to take me pick pick up in my mom's house because they are like they they were divorced so he will always pick me up and go with me with the parks and another place in my.

✓ I remember when I was a child my dad used to pick me up from my mom's house because they were divorced, so he always picked me up and took me to parks and other places.

Errors: incorrect verb forms and repetition, wrong preposition, tense inconsistency, and awkward phrasing. 'Used to take me pick pick up' is redundant and incorrect; use 'used to pick me up'. Use the preposition 'from' with 'pick up from someone\'s house'. 'They are like they they were divorced' mixes present and past and filler words; 'they were divorced' is clear. 'He will always pick me up and go with me with the parks' mixes future/modal with past habitual; use past habitual 'he always picked me up and took me to parks'. Suggestion: remove filler words, keep consistent past tense for repeated past actions, use correct phrasal verb 'pick up' with 'from'.

× Yeah, they do, but depends because it's another type of sparks.

✓ Yes, I do, but it depends because it's a different type of park.

Errors: wrong subject pronoun 'they' for referring to 'I' and incorrect noun 'sparks' instead of 'park'. 'Depends' needs a subject 'it depends'. Also use 'a different type of park' for singular. Suggestion: refer with correct pronoun, include subject for 'depends', and correct noun spelling.

× I remember when I was a child I used to go to the park to play with another kids and that's it.

✓ I remember when I was a child I used to go to the park to play with other kids and that was it.

Errors: 'another kids' is incorrect; use 'other kids' for plural. 'That's it' is informal and slightly mismatched tense; 'that was it' aligns with past context. Suggestion: use 'other' with plural, keep past tense consistency.

× And nowadays I just go to the park to relax, to think, to run and to take a rest for me.

✓ Nowadays I just go to the park to relax, to think, to run and to rest.

Errors: 'to take a rest for me' is unidiomatic and redundant. Use either 'to rest' or 'to take a rest'. Do not add 'for me'. Suggestion: choose concise infinitive 'to rest' to match parallel structure.

× I think parks umm help in general the city to show more umm comfortable more green areas like natural natural in general.

✓ I think parks generally help the city look more comfortable and provide more green, natural areas.

Errors: word order ('help in general the city to show' incorrect), repeated fillers, and awkward adjective order 'comfortable more green areas like natural natural'. Use 'generally' adverb, 'help the city look', and phrase 'more green, natural areas'. Suggestion: remove fillers, place adverbs before verbs, and order adjectives correctly.

× So yes I would like my city have more parks.

✓ So yes, I would like my city to have more parks.

Error: missing 'to' before the infinitive 'have' after 'would like'. Correct structure is 'would like someone/something to do something'. Suggestion: use 'would like my city to have'.

× Uh, yes, that is 1 park that I want to visit one day and it's called Disneyland and it's not like a park like with don't go trees and something like that but but it's a park that I want to go one day.

✓ Yes, there is one park I want to visit one day; it's called Disneyland. It's not a park with many trees, but it's a park I want to visit someday.

Errors: use of numeral '1' in speech transcript should be 'one', incorrect 'that is 1 park' word order and 'don't go trees' is meaningless. Use 'there is' for existence and 'visit someday' for future desire. Suggestion: use 'there is one park I want to visit', avoid repetition, correct noun phrase 'a park with many trees' or 'not a park with lots of trees'.