Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence saying you enjoyed parks, then give one specific reason and a short example. Avoid repetition and unfinished sentences. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they felt like a place of freedom and fun. For example, I used to spend whole afternoons playing on the swings and climbing trees, which made me feel carefree.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and add a specific supporting detail. Correct grammar (e.g., 'they love spending time at the parks near our home') and avoid repetition. Use one linking phrase such as 'because' or 'so' to show reason.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because my children love playing there. For instance, we often walk to the nearby park where they play on the slides and I can relax on a bench while watching them.

提案: Answer directly and give a clear reason with one specific supporting detail. Avoid filler words ('uh') and incomplete sentences. Use linking words like 'because' and finish the thought (e.g., 'with my family'). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Definitely — I would like more parks in the city because they provide peaceful places to relax and exercise. For example, with more parks nearby my family could take short walks after work instead of driving far away.

提案: Be concise and correct grammar. Say the park name once, give its location and a clear reason why you want to visit (e.g., new facilities or events). Avoid repetition and unclear phrases like 'go to the year.' Use linking words like 'because' or 'since'.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Seal Moon park in the city center because it recently opened and people say it has modern play areas and nice gardens. I hope to take my children there next month to try the new playground.

× Yes, I did, because when I go to the park I mention my childhood.

✓ Yes, I did, because when I went to the park I remembered my childhood.

The student used present tense 'go' and present 'mention' while referring to past experiences. The question asked about childhood (past), so past tense verbs should be used. Use 'went' (simple past) and 'remembered' (simple past) to match the time frame. Suggestion: identify the time frame (past) and use past tense verbs consistently.

× I meant that I feel myself as a child.

✓ I meant that I felt like a child.

The original uses awkward structure 'feel myself as a child.' 'Feel' should match past 'meant' as 'felt' and native phrasing is 'felt like a child.' Also avoid reflexive 'myself' here. Suggestion: use 'felt like' for states and match tense with surrounding clause.

× Nowadays I go to the park with my children and.

✓ Nowadays I go to the park with my children.

The sentence ends with an unfinished connector 'and.' Remove the trailing conjunction or complete the thought. Also ensure punctuation completes the sentence. Suggestion: finish thoughts fully or drop unnecessary conjunctions.

× Yes, I really love it because my children are young and they love spend their time going to the parks which near near our home.

✓ Yes, I really love it because my children are young and they love spending their time going to the parks near our home.

Multiple issues: 'love spend' is incorrect verb form—after 'love' use gerund 'spending.' 'Which near near our home' uses incorrect relative clause and repeated word 'near.' Use 'parks near our home' or 'parks that are near our home.' Also keep present tense 'are young' is fine. Suggestion: use gerunds after verbs of preference and form relative clauses correctly.

× Definitely yes, because spending time and going, uh, relaxing places is, is enjoyable and decision for me.

✓ Definitely yes, because spending time in relaxing places is enjoyable and a good decision for me.

The original phrase is ungrammatical and unclear: 'spending time and going, uh, relaxing places' lacks preposition 'in' and has a faulty coordination. Replace with 'spending time in relaxing places.' 'is, is enjoyable and decision for me' needs article and adjective: 'a good decision for me.' Suggestion: use appropriate prepositions (in) and include articles and adjectives to make noun phrases grammatical.

× That's why I try to, uh, go to the parks with my.

✓ That's why I try to go to the parks with my children.

Sentence ends abruptly with 'my.' The possessive pronoun must be completed with a noun: 'my children.' Remove filler 'uh' in formal speech. Suggestion: complete possessive phrases and avoid trailing fragments.

× I want I would like to go to the Seal Moon which which is located in the center of the city.

✓ I would like to go to Seal Moon, which is located in the center of the city.

Redundant modal phrase 'I want I would like' should be simplified to 'I would like.' The park name likely does not need 'the' unless it's part of the name; use 'Seal Moon' with article if appropriate. 'which which' is duplicated; use a single 'which.' Suggestion: avoid redundant expressions and duplicated words; use one relative pronoun.

× This park has opened recently that's why I want to go to the year.

✓ This park opened recently, so I want to go there.

'Has opened recently' can be acceptable, but 'opened recently' (simple past) fits with 'I want to go there.' The original 'go to the year' is incorrect—likely meant 'go there.' Use 'there' for place. Also add a conjunction 'so' or punctuation to link clauses. Suggestion: use correct place adverb 'there' and ensure clause connectors are clear; match tense consistently.