Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh), and use past tense consistently. Add one specific supporting detail and use a linking word for coherence.

例: Yes – I loved going to parks as a child. My parents would pick us up from school one day a week and we would spend the afternoon playing on swings and having a picnic, which made those days special.

提案: Use natural phrasing and correct collocations (e.g., ‘go to the park’, ‘refresh myself’, ‘after a long tiring week’). Organize into one topic sentence plus two specific supporting details, and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to the park because it helps me refresh and unwind after a long, tiring week. For example, I like listening to birds and walking on the grass, and I also enjoy visiting the small amusement area when I want to feel cheerful.

提案: Be direct and precise. Use clearer vocabulary (e.g., ‘green spaces’, ‘accessible’) and complete your thought—avoid trailing off. Give one specific reason and a condition using a linking word (e.g., ‘however’ or ‘as long as’).

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because additional green spaces would give residents places to exercise and relax. However, they should be well maintained and easily accessible to all neighborhoods.

提案: Correct small grammatical errors and be more specific. Use present conditional for future plans (e.g., ‘I would like to visit’) and give one clear reason why. Avoid vague phrases like ‘basically’ and fix pronunciation-based errors in writing (e.g., 'Jeddah').

例: Yes, I would like to visit Shalal Park on the Jeddah waterfront because it has a roller coaster that gives a great view of the sea and the coastline, which sounds exciting.

× Yes, I did like going to park as a child because at that time my parents used to fix a day in a week when they, uh, pick us from the school and go park with us and, uh.

✓ Yes, I did like going to parks as a child because at that time my parents used to fix a day in a week when they picked us up from school and took us to the park.

Plural noun 'park' should be 'parks' when speaking generally about going to parks; also 'pick us from the school' has preposition and article errors (see preposition/article types) and verb tense 'pick' should be past 'picked' to match 'did like' and 'used to'. Use 'pick us up from school' and 'take us to the park' for natural English. Suggestion: Use plural for general activities (going to parks). Use 'pick up' for collecting someone and no 'the' before 'school' when speaking generally.

× they, uh, pick us from the school and go park with us and, uh.

✓ they picked us up from school and took us to the park.

The clause refers to repeated past actions ('used to'), so verbs must be in past tense: 'pick' -> 'picked' and 'go' -> 'took' (or 'went') to indicate movement with an object. Also 'pick up' is the correct phrasal verb and 'school' generally does not need 'the.' Suggestion: Keep verb forms consistent with past reference and use appropriate phrasal verbs.

× Yes, for the timing, I still want to go to park for the refreshment purpose and to unwind my myself after a long tidying week.

✓ Yes, in terms of timing, I still want to go to the park for refreshment and to unwind myself after a long, tiring week.

'for the timing' is unnatural; use 'in terms of timing' or omit. 'Go to park' needs article 'the park'. 'the refreshment purpose' is awkward; say 'for refreshment'. 'tidying week' is incorrect word choice; likely 'tiring week'. 'my myself' is a redundant pronoun error (see pronoun category) and should be 'myself'. Also gerund '-ing' form 'unwind' is fine but followed by reflexive 'myself'. Suggestion: Use natural collocations: 'unwind myself', 'a long, tiring week', and include the definite article before 'park' when referring to a specific place.

× I want some space, some natural sounds of the birds, grass and the fresh air.

✓ I want some space, the natural sounds of birds, grass, and fresh air.

Article usage: 'some natural sounds of the birds' is better as 'the natural sounds of birds' when speaking generally about bird sounds. 'the fresh air' can be 'fresh air' without 'the' when speaking generally. Also add commas in a list. Suggestion: Use 'the' for specific known sounds or omit articles for general nouns like 'fresh air'.

× And also amusement corners are always there in a park that basically make me happy.

✓ Also, the amusement areas in a park always make me happy.

'Amusement corners' is an odd collocation; 'amusement areas' or 'play areas' is more natural. 'are always there in a park that basically make me happy' is awkward and has a relative clause misuse; simplifying to 'in a park always make me happy' corrects subject-verb agreement and word order. 'make' agrees with plural 'areas'. Suggestion: Use natural noun phrases and place adverbs like 'always' before the verb or after the subject.

× Yes, I would love to have more parks in my city because they can provide more accommodating areas to the population provided that they should be well maintained.

✓ Yes, I would love to have more parks in my city because they can provide more space for the population, provided that they are well maintained.

Modal/error: 'provided that they should be well maintained' mixes modal 'should' unnecessarily. Use 'provided that they are well maintained' to set a condition. 'More accommodating areas' is awkward; 'more space' or 'more recreational areas' is clearer. Suggestion: Use 'provided that they are' for conditional statements and avoid unnecessary modals like 'should' in this structure.

× The infrastructure should have a proper, uh, distinction like.

✓ The infrastructure should have proper facilities and clear distinctions between different areas.

The sentence fragment 'a proper, uh, distinction like' is incomplete and unclear. It lacks an object and ends abruptly. Clarify what 'distinction' refers to (e.g., between play areas, walking paths, and seating). Suggestion: Complete the sentence by specifying what distinctions or facilities are needed and avoid trailing fillers.

× I love to try that roller coaster ride in that park because it basically give you an overview I word view of the Jiddah waterfront.

✓ I would love to try the roller coaster in that park because it basically gives you an overview of the Jeddah waterfront.

Tense and agreement: 'I love to try' in future preference context is better as 'I would love to try'. 'give' should be 'gives' to agree with singular 'it'. 'I word view' appears to be an error; correct to 'overview'. Spelling of 'Jiddah' standardized to 'Jeddah'. Suggestion: Use 'would love to' for hypothetical future intentions and ensure subject-verb agreement with singular subjects.