Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cần giảm tiếng kẹt (fillers) như "uh/umm", sửa lỗi ngữ pháp và trật tự từ, và dùng câu chủ đề rõ ràng rồi phát triển bằng chi tiết cụ thể. Nên thay "we all worked and talked we together" bằng mô tả rõ hoạt động (ví dụ: chơi trò chơi, tập thể dục). Giữ câu ngắn gọn (không quá 5 câu) và dùng từ vựng phù hợp (release stress, strengthen friendships, improve fitness).

例: Yes. When I was a child I often went to the park with my friends to play games and exercise. Going there helped me release stress and strengthened our friendships. It also improved my fitness because we were very active.

提案: Tránh dùng nhiều "uh" và sửa lỗi đại từ/thuật ngữ ("our studying" nên là "my studies"; "there too on there for work" không rõ nghĩa). Trả lời trực tiếp, giải thích lý do rõ ràng và dùng liên từ để nối ý (e.g., "but", "however"). Nên cung cấp tần suất và một ví dụ ngắn về hoạt động khi đến công viên.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but not regularly because I am busy with my studies. However, I sometimes meet friends there at weekends to walk or study together.

提案: Giảm lặp từ và filler; cải thiện cấu trúc câu (ví dụ: "There are already enough parks in my city, but the existing ones need better maintenance and more facilities"). Dùng từ phù hợp như "maintenance" và "facilities" chính xác trong vị trí đúng. Trình bày ý chính rõ ràng rồi bổ sung lý do cụ thể.

例: Not really. There are already enough parks in my city, but I believe the current ones need better maintenance and more facilities, such as play areas and benches.

提案: Giảm filler, sửa lỗi từ vựng ("tree teas" likely meant "trees"; "great phrase" incorrect—should be "great place"). Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rồi thêm mô tả cụ thể về lý do và hoạt động mong muốn (nghỉ ngơi, chụp ảnh, đi bộ). Giữ câu ngắn và mạch lạc.

例: In the future I would like to visit a natural park with beautiful scenery and many trees. It would be a great place to relax, go for walks and take photos.

× we all worked and talked we together.

✓ we all worked and talked together.

Incorrect use of an extra pronoun 'we' after the verbs. Remove the redundant 'we' so the verbs directly take the adverb 'together' (use verb + together). Suggestion: 'we all worked and talked together.'

× It helped me to help me let off my steam, strengthen our friendship and improve my health.

✓ It helped me to let off my steam, strengthen our friendships and improve my health.

Redundant phrase 'helped me to help me' and inconsistent plurality. Remove the repeated clause and make 'friendship' plural to match 'our'. Use infinitive 'to let' once. Suggestion: 'It helped me to let off my steam, strengthen our friendships and improve my health.'

× I still like going to the parks but not regularly because I'm busy with our studying.

✓ I still like going to the parks but not regularly because I'm busy with my studies.

Incorrect possessive pronoun 'our' with 'studying' and awkward gerund. Use possessive 'my' and the noun 'studies' for natural English. Suggestion: 'because I'm busy with my studies.'

× However, sometimes I meet my friends there too on there for work.

✓ However, sometimes I meet my friends there for work.

Redundant and incorrect preposition 'on there' and extra adverb 'too' misplaced. Remove 'on' and one 'there' to form 'meet my friends there for work.' Suggestion: 'Sometimes I meet my friends there for work.'

× No, not really. Uh I think uh I think there are alright already enough parks are in my city instead now the existing parks should be a better main maintenance and have more facilities.

✓ No, not really. I think there are already enough parks in my city; instead, the existing parks should have better maintenance and more facilities.

Multiple issues: duplicated 'I think', wrong word order 'alright already enough', redundant 'are', and incorrect phrase 'a better main maintenance'. Rearranged to correct word order and use 'better maintenance' and 'have more facilities'. Suggestion: 'I think there are already enough parks in my city; instead, the existing parks should have better maintenance and more facilities.'

× In the future, uh, I would like to uh, visit a natural park in umm, especially one with beautiful scenery and uh, a lot of tree teas.

✓ In the future, I would like to visit a natural park, especially one with beautiful scenery and a lot of trees.

Typo 'tree teas' should be 'trees'. Remove filler words 'uh' and 'umm', and unnecessary 'in'. Suggestion: 'I would like to visit a natural park, especially one with beautiful scenery and a lot of trees.'

× Uh, I think it would be umm, a great phrase to relax or take some photos.

✓ I think it would be a great place to relax or take some photos.

Wrong word 'phrase' instead of 'place'. Remove filler 'umm' and 'uh'. 'Place' correctly fits context. Suggestion: 'It would be a great place to relax or take some photos.'

× we all worked and talked we together.

✓ We all worked and talked together.

Sentence should start with a capital letter and does not need the extra 'we'. Ensure subject-verb agreement and proper capitalization. Suggestion: 'We all worked and talked together.'