Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and avoid sentence fragments. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct basic grammar (use past tense consistently) and remove filler words.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played there with my friends and my parents frequently took us on picnics, so the park became a favourite place for games and family time.

提案: Combine short sentences to avoid repetition and use linking words to show contrast. Use correct expressions for frequency and time (e.g., "have little time"). Be specific about activities and benefits.

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks, although I have little free time due to my busy schedule. When I do visit, I usually go jogging or do light exercise to relax and clear my mind.

提案: Avoid fillers and finish your sentences. Give a clear topic sentence and one specific reason with an example. Use linking words (for example, because) and correct collocations ("green spaces," "the hustle and bustle").

例: Yes, I would. More parks would provide extra green spaces where people can relax because they offer a quiet escape from the city’s hustle and bustle, for example, to read or take a short walk after work.

提案: Be more concise and avoid repeating similar words (ambience/atmosphere). Start with a clear statement, then give two specific details (how you heard about it, what attracts you) using linking words like "because" or "because of."

例: Yes, there is a newly opened park a little far from my home that I want to visit because friends and social media praise its peaceful atmosphere and diverse plant collections, which I think would be very relaxing.

× Yes, I vividly remember when I was a kid I used to go to parks nearby my house. Which. Where I used to play a lot with my friends and my parents used to even take me to as a picnic sessions.

✓ Yes, I vividly remember that when I was a kid I used to go to the parks near my house, where I played a lot with my friends, and my parents even took me on picnics.

The original contains sentence fragments ('Which. Where'), awkward phrasing and incorrect prepositions. This is a sentence structure error: combine clauses with 'that' and 'where', use 'the parks' or 'parks near my house', use simple past/past habitual consistently ('played', 'took me on picnics'). Suggestion: join related clauses, remove fragments, use correct preposition 'on picnics' and correct verb forms.

× I used to go to parks nearby my house.

✓ I used to go to the parks near my house.

Use of the definite article is needed because 'parks near my house' refers to specific parks known in context. Replace 'nearby my house' with 'near my house' and add 'the' before 'parks'.

× my parents used to even take me to as a picnic sessions.

✓ my parents even took me on picnics.

Incorrect preposition 'to' and extra words 'as a' create ungrammatical phrase. Use 'take someone on a picnic' or plural 'on picnics'. Also align verb tense to simple past 'took' for habitual past events.

× Yes, definitely. I love going to parks now, although I have a very few time in my busy schedule and I rarely go to parks.

✓ Yes, definitely. I love going to parks now, although I have very little time in my busy schedule and I rarely go to parks.

'a very few time' is incorrect countability and article usage. 'Time' in this sense is uncountable, so use 'very little time'. This fixes tense/context by keeping present simple 'love' and 'rarely go' consistent.

× But whenever I go I love visiting there and I often do some light exercises and jogging and unwind myself.

✓ But whenever I go, I enjoy being there; I often do light exercises and go jogging to unwind.

Adverb placement and phrasing are awkward: 'visiting there' is unnatural, 'unwind myself' is not idiomatic. Use 'enjoy being there', 'do light exercises', 'go jogging', and 'to unwind' to show purpose. Also add commas for clarity.

× having more parks in city means having more green spaces and more, uh, greeneries to relax in so I can go whenever I am feeling very much tired and frustrated of the hustle and bustle of the.

✓ Having more parks in the city means more green spaces and more greenery to relax in, so I can go whenever I feel very tired and frustrated by the hustle and bustle of the city.

Missing definite articles: 'the city' needed. 'Greeneries' is not a correct plural; use 'greenery'. 'Feeling very much tired' is unidiomatic; use 'feel very tired'. Preposition 'frustrated of' is incorrect; use 'frustrated by'. Also complete final phrase 'of the' to 'of the city'.

× Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?

✓ Are there any parks you would like to visit in the future?

Sentence is grammatically acceptable but more natural to use 'would like to visit' rather than 'want to go to' in this context. This is an article/word-choice improvement.

× Yes, there is a newly opened park which is a bit far away from my home and I have heard it through my friends and a lot of people on social media that it has very nice, uh, ambience, atmosphere and new varieties of plants, which is very relaxing.

✓ Yes, there is a newly opened park a bit far from my home, and I have heard from my friends and many people on social media that it has a very nice ambience, a pleasant atmosphere, and new varieties of plants, which are very relaxing.

Problems: 'which is a bit far away' wordiness reduced; 'heard it through my friends' incorrect — use 'heard from my friends'; 'a lot of people' -> 'many people'; 'ambience, atmosphere and new varieties of plants, which is very relaxing' has agreement error: 'varieties' plural requires 'which are very relaxing' or rephrase. Also add articles 'a very nice ambience'. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement and correct prepositions.

× I have heard it through my friends and a lot of people on social media that it has very nice, uh, ambience, atmosphere and new varieties of plants, which is very relaxing.

✓ I have heard from my friends and many people on social media that it has a very nice ambience, a pleasant atmosphere, and new varieties of plants, which are very relaxing.

Remove direct object 'it' after 'heard' — use 'heard from'. Also ensure pronoun agreement: 'which are' for plural 'varieties'. Improve diction by adding articles and choosing 'many' instead of 'a lot of' for formality.

× So I would definitely love to visit there.

✓ So I would definitely love to visit it.

Use of 'visit there' is unidiomatic; 'visit' usually takes an object: 'visit it' or 'visit the park'. Alternatively 'go there' is acceptable. This corrects verb + locational phrase usage.