Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise and correct minor grammar errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., "it was my go-to" twice).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often met new friends there because my family moved frequently, and the park was the easiest place to connect with other children.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and fix the incomplete phrase. Use one linking word to contrast past and present activities, and provide a brief specific detail about current routines.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but I prefer different activities now. For instance, instead of playing on swings, I usually take long walks and sometimes buy an ice cream while I relax.

提案: Make the idea clearer and more grammatically correct. Start with a direct opinion, then give two specific reasons using linking words (because/so). Avoid vague phrases like "taking a breath"—use "get fresh air" or "relax."

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because Delhi needs green spaces to improve air quality and give residents places to relax. Additionally, parks encourage social interaction since people can meet and exercise together.

提案: Answer directly and correct the conditional phrasing. Keep it concise: state whether you would like to go, then give specific reasons and one example of an attraction. Avoid long run-on sentences.

例: Yes, I would love to go to Disneyland in the future. I have always wanted to try the famous roller coasters and meet some of the characters I enjoyed as a child, such as Mickey Mouse.

× I did enjoy going to parks a lot as a child and it was mostly because I made my friends out there and as I used to shift a lot the only place to actually get connections was a part.

✓ I did enjoy going to parks a lot as a child, and it was mostly because I made my friends out there; as I used to move a lot, the only place to actually make connections was a park.

Errors: 'shift' is incorrect verb choice for 'move'; 'a part' is a misplaced phrase causing singular/plural confusion and should be 'a park'; sentence run-on. Suggestion: use 'move' for changing residence, 'make friends/connections', and join clauses with punctuation to clarify meaning.

× So it is my go to.

✓ So it is my go-to place.

Missing hyphen and noun. 'Go to' needs a noun to be clear; idiom is 'go-to place'. Suggestion: add 'place' and hyphenate 'go-to' as adjective.

× It was my go to place when I was smaller.

✓ It was my go-to place when I was younger.

Style and word choice: 'smaller' is incorrect for age; use 'younger'. Hyphenate 'go-to'. Suggestion: use 'younger' for age context and hyphenate compound adjective.

× I do still like going to parks, but I do not do the same things I used to do as a child which were playing on the. Swings, but rather taking walks and having ice cream.

✓ I still like going to parks, but I do not do the same things I used to do as a child, such as playing on the swings; now I prefer taking walks and having ice cream.

Errors: unnecessary repetition 'I do still'; sentence broken by misplaced period and fragment 'Swings'; awkward relative clause. Suggestion: simplify to 'I still', combine clauses, remove fragment, and use 'such as' to list examples.

× Yes, I think parks would be a great introduction to my city, especially because it is Delhi where people do need the environment and the more involvement that one has when they are in a park for connections or even for taking a breath.

✓ Yes, I think parks would be a great addition to my city, especially in Delhi, where people need green spaces and can meet others or relax and get some fresh air.

Errors: 'introduction to my city' is awkward; 'need the environment' is incorrect—should be 'need green spaces' or 'need the environment' phrased differently; 'taking a breath' should be 'getting some fresh air' or 'relax'. Suggestion: use 'addition' or 'more parks', 'in Delhi' as prepositional phrase, and clearer nouns 'green spaces' and 'get some fresh air'.

× If you do count Disneyland as a part then yes I would love to go there as it is always been my dream to ride the different rides that are present there and also to meet all my childhood favorite characters that exist in the space so I would love that.

✓ If you count Disneyland as a park, then yes, I would love to go there; it has always been my dream to ride the different attractions there and to meet my favorite childhood characters, so I would really enjoy that.

Errors: unnecessary 'do' in conditional, missing auxiliary in 'it is always been' (should be 'it has always been'), wordy 'rides that are present there' and 'exist in the space'. Suggestion: use 'If you count', 'it has always been', 'attractions' or 'rides', and split into shorter clauses for clarity.