Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp cơ bản và trật tự từ, dùng thì quá khứ nhất quán, và làm câu rõ ràng hơn. Cụ thể: dùng thì quá khứ (went, used to), sửa lỗi từ vựng (park, walk), và rút gọn thông tin dư thừa. Hãy tách câu dài thành câu ngắn rõ ràng (tối đa 3–4 câu) và thêm một chi tiết cụ thể để làm câu trả lời hấp dẫn hơn (ví dụ: hoạt động cụ thể hoặc cảm xúc).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I used to go to the park once or twice a week with my grandparents. We would walk around the central area and feed the ducks by the pond. I always felt happy and relaxed after those walks.

提案: Giữ câu trả lời tự nhiên nhưng súc tích hơn; tránh lặp từ (I'm, so) và dùng linking words hợp lý (because, therefore, however). Cung cấp một câu chủ đề rõ ràng và tối đa hai câu hỗ trợ với chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ: lịch làm việc, tần suất, hoàn cảnh thời tiết).

例: Not really. Because I work as a researcher, I spend most of my time in the laboratory and rarely have free afternoons. Therefore I hardly visit parks with my brother or friends, especially during the hot season.

提案: Sắp xếp ý rõ ràng hơn và dùng từ vựng phù hợp (parks, built/constructed, open spaces, elderly, exercise). Tránh lặp từ và các tiếng nghi (umm). Bắt đầu bằng một câu chủ đề, rồi nêu 2-3 lý do cụ thể, dùng liên từ (because, so, for example).

例: Yes, I would. I think Hanoi needs more parks because they provide open spaces for elderly people and children to exercise. For example, parks would give schoolchildren places to play sports and help improve public health.

提案: Nói rõ hơn về địa điểm và tránh lặp từ, dùng cấu trúc dự định/hoài bão (I would like to, I hope to). Nếu không nhớ tên, mô tả cụ thể về nơi đó (vị trí, đặc điểm) và nêu thời gian dự định. Giữ câu ngắn gọn và mạch lạc.

例: Yes. There is a famous park in Hoi An called the Sunflower Park that I would love to visit. I can't remember the exact name, but I know it is popular for its gardens and lakes. I hope to visit it later this year.

× Yes. When I was a child, I'm going to the back about one to two times a week.

✓ Yes. When I was a child, I went to the park about one or two times a week.

The sentence mixes past context ('When I was a child') with a present tense form 'I'm going'. Use simple past 'I went' to match the past time frame. Also 'the back' seems to be a typo for 'the park' and 'one to two' is more natural as 'one or two'. Suggestion: Maintain consistent past tense and choose correct nouns and connectors.

× I remember that I went with my grandmother and with my grandfather that we just walk around the park with a leg in the center.

✓ I remember that I went with my grandmother and my grandfather and we just walked around the park on the path in the center.

The original sentence has incorrect clause connection ('that we just walk') and tense inconsistency (past event described with present 'walk'). Use 'and' to connect coordinated items, change 'walk' to past 'walked' for consistency, and replace unclear phrase 'with a leg in the center' with a clearer description 'on the path in the center'. Suggestion: Use simple past for past memories and clearer noun phrases.

× Not really. Uh, actually this is because now I'm, I'm a researcher, so I have to spend most of my time staying in the laboratory.

✓ Not really. Actually, now I'm a researcher, so I have to spend most of my time in the laboratory.

'This is because now I'm, I'm a researcher' is wordy; 'staying in the laboratory' is unnatural—use 'in the laboratory'. Maintain present simple for current facts: 'I am a researcher' and 'I have to spend'. Suggestion: Remove filler words and use natural prepositions with locations.

× So it's really hard for me to go to the park with my little brother or with my friends.

✓ So it's really hard for me to go to the park with my little brother or my friends.

Using 'with' before each noun is redundant; simply use 'with my little brother or my friends'. Grammar is otherwise okay but streamline the phrase. Suggestion: Avoid unnecessary repetition of prepositions in coordinated phrases.

× And this kind of weather is so hot.

✓ And the weather is very hot now.

'This kind of weather is so hot' is marginally acceptable but awkward. Use 'the weather is very hot now' to state a current condition in natural present simple. Suggestion: Use concise, natural expressions for current weather.

× Yes, I think more park is necessary in Hanoi because umm uh, if there there the mall park will be construct, the more open space that the elderly or the children can go outside and they can uh, take an exercise or even play some sport at school.

✓ Yes, I think more parks are necessary in Hanoi because if more parks are constructed, there will be more open spaces where elderly people and children can go outside and exercise or even play sports.

Multiple issues: 'more park' should be plural 'more parks' (singular/plural), verb agreement 'are necessary' matches plural, passive/tense and word order fix: 'will be construct' should be 'are constructed' or 'will be constructed'; 'the more open space that' is awkward—use 'there will be more open spaces where'; 'the elderly or the children' should be 'elderly people and children'; 'take an exercise' is incorrect—use 'exercise'; 'play some sport at school' -> 'play sports'. Suggestion: Use plural nouns with matching verbs, correct passive forms, and natural collocations for activities.

× Uh, yes, actually in Hua Bing they are already famous and popular park in Vietnam I have, I have not remember the correct name, but it's really famous.

✓ Uh, yes, actually in Hué Binh there is a park that is already famous and popular in Vietnam. I don't remember the correct name, but it's very well known.

Problems: 'they are already famous and popular park' mixes plural pronoun with singular 'park'—use 'there is a park' (there be issue and singular/plural). 'I have, I have not remember' mixes present perfect and simple; correct is 'I don't remember' for current lack of memory. Also use 'very well known' instead of repeating 'famous'. Suggestion: Use 'there is' for existence, match singular/plural, and use appropriate present simple for 'remember'.

× So I want in this year, I hope that I can have a chance to visit that park.

✓ So this year, I hope that I will have a chance to visit that park.

Combine intentions and future time properly: 'I want in this year' is unnatural. Use 'this year' as time expression and 'I hope that I will have a chance' for future possibility. Suggestion: Use 'this year' + 'I hope I will' or 'I hope to' + verb for smoother future plans.