Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail and a brief reason or memory. Reduce hesitation sounds (umm, uh) and correct small grammar errors (e.g., 'me and my brother' → 'my brother and I').

例: Yes, definitely. I loved spending time in the big park next to my house because my brother and I used to play soccer there every weekend, and I remember climbing the old oak tree near the pond.

提案: Give a clear, grammatical topic sentence and one or two specific reasons. Remove fillers and correct common errors ("go to park" → "go to the park", "after eat" → "after eating"). Use a linking word to connect ideas (e.g., 'because' or 'so').

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to the park because it helps me relax. For example, I often take short walks with friends after meals to get fresh air and aid digestion.

提案: Answer directly and use clearer structure: state your opinion, give one specific reason, and offer a brief supporting detail. Avoid repetitions and fillers; correct vocabulary errors ("part" → "park", "neighbor" → "neighborhood").

例: Definitely. I think we need more parks because the city is densely populated, and an additional park in another neighborhood would give residents more space to relax and exercise.

提案: Provide a clearer, cohesive answer: begin with a direct response, then give concise reasons with correct grammar. Avoid confusing or irrelevant phrases. Use linking words (e.g., 'because', 'but') and be specific about timing or conditions.

例: Not really. At the moment I don't plan to visit any new parks because it's very hot outside, and I prefer to wait until the weather cools down or I have more free time.

× me and my brother went to the park to just hang out or uh, to play soccer.

✓ My brother and I went to the park just to hang out or to play soccer.

Use subject pronoun 'I' instead of object form 'me' when it is part of the subject. Also, put the other person first for politeness and clarity, and simplify word order by moving 'just' before the infinitive phrase.

× I just like to go to park, uh, to get some wind or just for a small walk with my friends or after eat after eating and to dig digest.

✓ I just like to go to the park to get some fresh air or for a short walk with my friends, or after eating to digest.

Use the definite article 'the' with 'park' when referring to a specific park. Use appropriate vocabulary: 'fresh air' instead of 'wind', 'short walk' instead of 'small walk'. Remove redundant fragments ('after eat after eating') and use 'after eating' + purpose 'to digest'.

× as I already told you, there is a big part right next to my place, but I would, it would be good to have a, another big park umm, to in another neighbor because in my city there's a lot of umm, population compared to the size of the city.

✓ As I already told you, there is a big park right next to my place, but it would be good to have another big park in another neighborhood because my city has a large population compared to its size.

Correct spelling 'park' not 'part' and use 'neighborhood' for the area. Remove unnecessary comma and duplicated phrases. Use 'has a large population' rather than 'there's a lot of population', and 'compared to its size' for clear comparison.

× Not necessarily because, uh, right now, umm, I don't have uh, my opportunity to cause would the other one come, uh, instead of going to park, Umm, and right now it's really hot outside, so I would not prefer to go to park in the future.

✓ Not necessarily, because right now I don't have the opportunity to go to another park, and it's really hot outside, so I would not prefer to go to parks in the near future.

Simplify modal/permission phrasing: 'I don't have the opportunity to go' is correct; remove confusing fragments like 'to cause would the other one come.' Use plural 'parks' when speaking generally, or 'a park' if singular. 'Would not prefer' is acceptable but 'wouldn't prefer' or 'I don't prefer' is more natural. Ensure tense and modality match the present situation.