Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and use correct tense. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid filler phrases like “to talk about this question” and repetitious clauses. Organize with a linking word if you add a detail (for example, “because” or “as”).

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. I loved playing on swings and exploring small trails because my neighbourhood park had many trees and open space, so I could spend hours outdoors.

提案: Use present tense and correct verb forms; keep sentences clear and avoid fillers (uh, well). Begin with a direct topic sentence in present tense, then give one or two concise reasons using linking words like “because” or “so”. Be specific about how parks make you feel or what you do there.

例: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks. I go there to exercise and relax because the fresh air and green surroundings help me unwind after a busy day.

提案: Answer directly and give a clear reason with specific detail. Use correct quantifiers and clearer phrasing (e.g., “only two parks” not “the only two parks for having chill”). Mention distance or access as a supporting detail using a linking word like “because” or “so”.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because there are only two public parks and they are far from my neighbourhood, so many residents have no easy place to relax outdoors.

提案: Use future reference correctly and be specific about the parks you want to visit and why. Start with a clear topic sentence in the present/future form, then name a park and give a brief reason (location, attraction, activity). Avoid past tense for future plans.

例: Yes, there are a few parks I'd like to visit in the future. For example, I want to go to Front Park in Kathmandu because I have heard it has beautiful gardens and cultural events that I would enjoy.

× Well, to talk about this question, yes, of course I like to go into the parks when I was a child because I was very fond of going out person and I was the same person yet and yeah.

✓ Well, to answer this question, yes, of course I liked going to parks when I was a child because I was a person who liked going out and I was the same then.

The sentence mixes present-tense verbs with a past time frame 'when I was a child.' Use past tense 'liked' to match the time reference. 'To go into the parks' is unnatural; use 'going to parks.' 'Going out person' is ungrammatical; replace with 'a person who liked going out.' Also 'yet' is unnecessary and confusing here. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent with the time reference and use natural noun phrases (e.g., 'going to parks', 'a person who liked going out').

× Well, to talk about this question, yes, of course, I still like to going, uh, to a parks, uh now, because, uh, I was the same person since I lived. I was very fond of, uh, going out person and I still love to going out and being funny out of there and it makes me feel relaxing after going there.

✓ Well, to answer this question, yes, of course, I still like going to parks now because I have been the same person since I was young. I was very fond of going out and I still enjoy going out; it makes me feel relaxed after I go there.

The sentence has several tense and verb-form issues. 'I still like to going' incorrectly mixes infinitive and -ing; use 'like going' (present habit). 'a parks' is incorrect article and plural; use 'parks' without 'a.' 'I was the same person since I lived' mixes past and continuous reference; use present perfect 'have been' or rephrase 'since I was young.' 'Going out person' is incorrect; use 'fond of going out.' 'Being funny out of there' is unnatural; use 'enjoy going out.' 'Feel relaxing' should be 'feel relaxed.' Suggestion: Use correct verb forms ('like going', 'have been') and natural adjective forms ('relaxed'), and match articles with countability.

× Well, well, to talk about this question, yes, of course I would like to see more parks in my city because there is the only two parks for having chill and being peace, peaceful for there and it was so, so far from my house.

✓ Well, to answer this question, yes, of course I would like to see more parks in my city because there are only two parks for relaxing and peace, and they are very far from my house.

'There is the only two parks' mixes singular 'is' with plural 'two parks' and uses incorrect articles. Use plural 'there are only two parks.' 'For having chill and being peace, peaceful for there' is ungrammatical; use 'for relaxing and peace' or 'for relaxation and peace.' 'It was so, so far' should be 'they are very far' to match plural and present relevance. Suggestion: Ensure subject-verb agreement (there are for plural), use natural nouns ('relaxing', 'peace'), and keep number agreement between subject and verb.

× Yes, of course there are plenty of parks that I wanted to go in future. First one is Front Park which was located in Kathmandu capital city of Nepal.

✓ Yes, of course there are plenty of parks that I want to go to in the future. The first one is Front Park, which is located in Kathmandu, the capital city of Nepal.

The original mixes present 'there are' with past 'wanted' and incorrect future expression 'in future.' Use present 'want' to express current desire and 'in the future' for time. 'Wanted to go in future' is wrong tense and preposition; use 'want to go to in the future.' 'Was located' implies past; if the park still exists use present 'is located.' Also add 'the' before 'capital city' for correct noun phrase. Suggestion: Use consistent tenses for current desires, correct preposition 'go to', and use present tense for ongoing facts ('is located').