Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid fillers ("umm") and incorrect phrases ("play the facilities", "some of the roller"). Use precise vocabulary (e.g., swings, slides, playground equipment). Keep to under 5 sentences.

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child because I was very active. For example, I spent hours on the swings and slides and enjoyed running around the playground with friends. These activities matched my energy and helped me make friends.

提案: Answer directly, then give a clear reason and one specific example. Avoid vague or incomplete sentences and incorrect grammar ("play the wild", "compare the past it's become"). Use linking words like "however" or "although" properly.

例: Not much — I seldom go to parks now because my study schedule is packed. However, I sometimes meet friends there to have a picnic or take a short walk when we have free time.

提案: Give a focused opinion with clear reasons and specific benefits. Avoid repetition and fillers. Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., "because", "so"). Correct phrasing: "stay away from phones" and avoid trailing sentence fragments.

例: Yes, definitely, because parks offer children a healthy alternative to screen time. For example, playing outdoors improves physical fitness and social skills, so I would like to see more safe, well-equipped parks for kids.

提案: Start with a clear statement about the park, then give two specific details (features and why you want to visit). Avoid fillers and incomplete sentences. Use correct collocations ("a pleasant atmosphere", "lots of plants", "not many people").

例: Yes — I'd like to visit Kai Tak Park in Hong Kong because it has many plants and a pleasant, relaxed atmosphere. It is usually quiet in the evenings, which makes it a good place to walk with friends and unwind.

× Yes, when I was a child I was very active and I'm very outgoing.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I was very active and I was very outgoing.

The sentence switches from past ('when I was a child') to present ('I'm very outgoing') without context. Maintain past tense to describe childhood characteristics. Use 'I was' for consistency.

× I would like to run everywhere, so going to the parks actually matches my energy.

✓ I used to run everywhere, so going to parks actually matched my energy.

The context is about childhood habits; use 'used to' or past simple rather than 'would like' (which indicates desire). Also 'going to parks' (no article 'the') is more natural when speaking generally. Change verb forms to past for consistency.

× I can umm, use my energy to play the facilities of the park, such as umm, some of the roller.

✓ I could use my energy on the park's facilities, such as the roller coasters.

Use 'use my energy on' or 'at' to indicate using facilities. 'Facilities of the park' is better as 'park's facilities'. 'Some of the roller' is ungrammatical; likely 'roller coasters' (plural) with article 'the' or none depending on context. Also change 'can' to past 'could' for childhood context.

× Well, because I have a packed schedule throughout my study, so I seldom go to the park right now.

✓ Well, because I have a packed schedule because of my studies, I seldom go to the park now.

Avoid using both 'because' and 'so' together (redundant). Use 'because of my studies' or 'throughout my studies' for clarity. 'Right now' can be replaced by 'now'. Maintain present tense for current habit.

× And although I go to the park to meet some friends such as we have, eat some food or play the wild there.

✓ Although I sometimes go to the park to meet friends, eat food, or play games there.

Original has unclear phrase 'such as we have' and 'play the wild there' which are ungrammatical. Rephrase to list activities: 'meet friends, eat food, or play games' for clarity and correct structure.

× But compare the past it's become.

✓ But compared to the past, it has changed.

Use 'compared to the past' and present perfect 'has changed' to indicate difference between past and present. Original lacks proper comparative structure and verb.

× Yes, definitely. I think children really like to go to the park instead of, uh, watching their films.

✓ Yes, definitely. I think children really prefer going to the park instead of watching films.

Use 'prefer doing' or 'prefer to do' consistently. 'Watching their films' is odd; 'watching films' is more natural. Maintain parallel gerund forms for clarity.

× Although nowadays many teenagers start to have a phone of their own, start to have their own phone, but stay away from phone is really, really good for the children or.

✓ Although nowadays many teenagers have their own phones, staying away from phones would be really good for children.

Avoid repetition 'start to have...start to have'. Use plural 'phones' and gerund 'staying away' to act as subject. 'For the children or' is unclear; change to 'for children'. Also remove 'but' when using concessive clause with main clause rephrased.

× Umm in Hong Kong there's a park called Kai Duck Park and they provide a really decent feels umm many plants there and the atmosphere there is really chill.

✓ In Hong Kong there's a park called Kai Tak Park and it has a really nice feel, with many plants, and the atmosphere is really chill.

Use 'it has' (singular park) instead of 'they provide'. 'Decent feels' is ungrammatical; use 'a nice feel' or 'a pleasant atmosphere'. Correct park name (if intended 'Kai Tak') and ensure present tense consistency for general statements.

× There are not many people so during the night umm some friends can gather together and walk through the.

✓ There are not many people, so at night friends can gather and go for a walk together.

Original ends abruptly 'walk through the.' Complete the verb phrase 'go for a walk' and use 'at night' rather than 'during the night' for natural phrasing. Remove unnecessary fillers and ensure sentence completeness.