Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh tiếng “umm” và sử dụng câu trả lời mạch lạc hơn; mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, tiếp đó cung cấp 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể về tần suất hoặc cảm xúc để làm phong phú nội dung. Ví dụ: nêu rõ bạn thường đến công viên bao nhiêu lần mỗi tuần/tháng, hoạt động yêu thích và cảm giác khi ở đó.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I usually went with my parents about once a week, where we would ride bikes and play badminton together, which made me feel healthy and happy.

提案: Cải thiện: Trả lời trực tiếp rồi giải thích rõ ràng với lí do và dùng từ vựng chính xác (ví dụ: "once a month", "variety of activities"). Tránh dùng từ mơ hồ như "or something" và các tiếng ngắt quãng như "umm".

例: Not really; I still enjoy parks but I usually visit only once a month because I have many other activities, such as going to the gym and meeting friends, so parks are now mainly for getting fresh air.

提案: Cải thiện: Mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng và dùng ngôn ngữ chính xác (ví dụ: "I would like more parks in my city because..."). Tránh lỗi ngữ pháp (ví dụ: "I consider myself eco-friendly", "a fresher, greener living environment") và bỏ các tiếng ngắt quãng.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because I consider myself eco-friendly and I believe more green spaces would make our living environment fresher and healthier.

提案: Cải thiện: Trả lời trực tiếp, sau đó nêu ví dụ cụ thể về loại công viên bạn muốn đến và giải thích lý do. Tránh câu không hoàn chỉnh, tiếng ngắt quãng và cụm từ mô tả mơ hồ như "like a fairy tale vibes"; thay bằng "with a fairy-tale atmosphere".

例: I don't have a particular park in mind, but I would love to visit theme parks in the future, especially ones with a fairy-tale atmosphere because they seem magical and fun.

× They think that is the healthiest way for me to entertain as a child.

✓ They thought that was the healthiest way for me to be entertained as a child.

The student is describing past habitual belief, so tense should be past (think -> thought; is -> was). 'Entertain' is transitive and incorrect here; the passive 'be entertained' or 'to enjoy myself' is appropriate. Also word order 'for me to be entertained' is clearer.

× Not really, I think that going to parks is like a way of entertainment, but now I have a variety of umm, ways to entertain myself so I only go to parks on like monthly basis to enjoy the fresh air or something.

✓ Not really, I think that going to parks is a form of entertainment, but now I have a variety of ways to entertain myself, so I only go to parks on a monthly basis to enjoy the fresh air.

Use 'a form of entertainment' instead of 'a way of entertainment'. Remove filler words and correct article and phrase 'on a monthly basis'. Keep present tense 'is' consistent. Simplify redundant ending 'or something'.

× Of course I want to actually I refer myself as an eco friendly person so I would love to see my UMM living environment to be more umm fresh and has some green to it.

✓ Of course I do; actually I consider myself an eco-friendly person, so I would love to see my living environment become fresher and have more greenery.

Use 'do' to answer affirmatively. 'Refer myself as' is incorrect; use 'consider myself'. 'Eco-friendly' needs hyphen. 'To be more fresh' should be 'become fresher'. 'Has some green' is ungrammatical; use 'have more greenery'. Verb agreement and correct verb forms applied.

× Until now, there's no specific parks on my wish list.

✓ So far, there are no specific parks on my wish list.

Use 'there are' for plural 'parks' (agreement). 'Until now' is better as 'so far' in this context. 'There's' (there is) is singular and conflicts with 'parks'.

× Umm with like a fairy tale vibes or?

✓ Preferably with a fairy-tale vibe.

'Vibes' is informal and plural; 'vibe' or 'atmosphere' fits better. Use 'fairy-tale' as a compound adjective. Remove filler words 'umm', 'like', and the question tag 'or' to make a complete sentence.