Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use correct tense and grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, correct verb forms (e.g., 'asked' and 'could enjoy'), and add one or two specific details using linking words for flow.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my mother used to take me to Fish Park every weekend, where I enjoyed the swings and eating ice cream after playing. This routine made those visits a special part of my childhood.

提案: Correct vocabulary and grammar (e.g., 'general dentist', 'consult with my patients'), remove repetition, and make it coherent with linking words. Keep it within 2–3 sentences and add a specific example of your schedule if possible.

例: To be honest, I don't have much time to go to parks now because I work as a general dentist and often see patients until late. As a result, I usually feel too tired to visit a park after work.

提案: Make your intention clearer and correct phrasing ('in the future', 'learn about the facilities', 'recommend them to children'). Use one linking phrase to explain why more parks would be good, and give a specific reason or example.

例: Yes, I would. In the future I hope the city adds more parks so people can enjoy green spaces and better facilities. For instance, more parks with safe playgrounds would give children a healthier place to play.

提案: Fix grammar and complete the thought. Use correct spelling ('roses'), combine fragments, and add a specific reason for visiting. Keep it concise and coherent with a linking word.

例: Yes, last week a friend told me about the Rose Garden in Chandigarh, which she said is full of roses and has nice playgrounds. I would like to visit to see the gardens and try the walking paths there.

× I love to go to parks.

✓ I loved going to parks.

The question asks about liking parks as a child, so the student should use past tense to match the time frame. Use 'loved' and the gerund 'going' for past habitual action.

× When I was a child, I remember that during my childhood, I always ask my mother to bring me to Fish Park so that I can enjoy, uh, swings as well as ice creams available there.

✓ When I was a child, I remember that I always asked my mother to take me to Fish Park so that I could enjoy the swings and the ice cream there.

Multiple issues: tense consistency (past) requires 'asked' instead of 'ask' and 'could' instead of 'can'. Use 'take me' rather than 'bring me' because the mother took the child. Use plural 'swings' fine and uncountable 'ice cream' or 'the ice cream'. Remove filler and redundant phrases for clarity.

× To be honest, now I don't have enough time to visit park because I am working as a journal dentist and I have to give consultation to my patients.

✓ To be honest, I don't have enough time to visit parks now because I am working as a dental surgeon and I have to consult my patients.

Use plural 'parks' or 'the park' depending on context; 'visit park' is incorrect. 'Journal dentist' is incorrect word choice; likely 'dental surgeon' or 'dentist'. Use 'consult my patients' instead of 'give consultation to my patients' for natural phrasing. Keep present simple for habitual situation.

× After that hectic schedule I was get I was very tired and after getting tired I don't have enough time.

✓ After that hectic schedule, I was very tired, and because I was tired I did not have enough time.

Original mixes present and past incorrectly and contains extraneous words 'get I was'. Use past tense 'was' and 'did not have' for completed past events. Clarify cause-effect and remove redundancy.

× I would love to visit more parks in the city in future so that I can get to know how many parks are available with the infrastructure and I can also suggest to the children live.

✓ I would love to visit more parks in the city in the future so that I can learn about their facilities and recommend good ones to children.

Add article 'the' before 'future'. 'Get to know how many parks are available with the infrastructure' is awkward; use 'learn about their facilities'. 'Suggest to the children live' is unclear; likely 'recommend good ones to children'. Maintain conditional 'would' and modal 'can' appropriately.

× Oh, last week my friend told me that the Rose Garden Park in Chandigarh is very beautiful, full of rosies and swings. Also. I want to visit that so that I can check out the.

✓ Last week my friend told me that the Rose Garden in Chandigarh is very beautiful, full of roses and swings. I want to visit it so that I can check it out.

'Rosies' is misspelled; use 'roses'. 'Rose Garden Park' can be 'Rose Garden'. 'Also. I want' has incorrect punctuation; combine sentences. Use 'visit it' not 'visit that', and finish the idea 'check it out'. Keep tense: friend 'told' (past) and present desire 'I want' is fine.