Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Keep answers concise and directly address the question with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (uh, um) and repetition. Use past tense consistently when talking about childhood and give a clear reason or a brief example to make your answer more specific.

例: Yes. I loved going to parks as a child because the nearest playground was far from my home, so visiting one felt like a special treat. For example, my family would travel there on weekends, and I remember spending hours on the swings and playing tag with neighborhood children.

提案: Open with a clear topic sentence in present tense, then give one or two specific activities you do in parks. Use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect ideas and avoid awkward phrases like "relieving our feelings." Keep to under five sentences and drop unnecessary words.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax. For example, I often read books there and spend time with my sister and brother, which helps us catch up and enjoy the fresh air.

提案: Answer directly and give a focused reason. Use correct grammar (e.g., "more parks" not "to more parks") and be specific about who benefits and why. Use linking phrases (for example, "because," "so that") to make the purpose clear. Limit to three to four sentences.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because currently there are none. Parks would benefit people of all ages — children, teenagers, and the elderly — by providing safe places to exercise, relax, and socialize.

提案: Clarify your intention and use correct vocabulary: Disneyland is an amusement park; say where and why you want to visit. Avoid contradictory phrases and filler. Keep it short: state the park you want to visit and one reason or expectation.

例: I don't have a local park in mind, but I would love to visit Disneyland in the United States because it is famous for its attractions and shows, and I think it would be a memorable experience.

× Yes, I, yes, I do like going to a park as itself because in my childhood memories, uh, in my hometown, there is no, uh, children park nearby my home, it was very far away.

✓ Yes, I did like going to parks because in my childhood memories my hometown had no children's park near my home; it was very far away.

Present tense issue (ID 6): The student mixes present tense with past recollection. The sentence describes childhood memories, so past tense is required (did like, had). Also plural 'parks' or 'a park' should match context; 'children's park' needs possessive. Suggestions: use consistent past tense for memories, use possessive for 'children's park', and combine clauses with punctuation to improve clarity.

× So I was, so it was very good thing.

✓ So it was a very good experience.

Sentence structure error (ID 26): The original is fragmented and unidiomatic ('I was, so it was'). Use a clear noun phrase 'a very good experience'. Suggestion: avoid repetition and choose a concise noun.

× Yes, I do like going parks and relieving our feelings and relaxing dear, like reading books and uh, when I, I'm going with my sister, my brother, we enjoy a lot.

✓ Yes, I like going to parks to relax and lift my spirits, for example reading books; when I go with my sister or brother, we enjoy ourselves a lot.

Present tense issue (ID 6): Use simple present 'I like' rather than 'do like' for habitual actions, and correct verbs and pronouns: 'going to parks', 'enjoy ourselves'. Also remove filler words and improve word choice ('lift my spirits'). Suggestion: use 'go to parks', plural, and reflexive pronoun 'ourselves'.

× We spend the time in the park.

✓ We spend time in the park.

Present tense issue (ID 6): 'Spend the time' is unnatural here; use 'spend time'. Tense is fine but article omission improves idiomatic usage. Suggestion: drop 'the' unless referring to a specific previously mentioned time.

× Yes, I in my, in this age, I prefer to go to a park.

✓ Yes, at this age I prefer to go to a park.

Present tense issue (ID 6): Word order and filler words are awkward. Use 'at this age' and simple present 'prefer'. Suggestion: place adverbial phrase 'at this age' at beginning and avoid repeated pronouns.

× Of course, I would like to more parks in my city because there is no park in my city.

✓ Of course, I would like to have more parks in my city because there are no parks at the moment.

Modal verb usage (ID 4): 'Would like to more parks' is ungrammatical. Use 'would like to have' to express desire. Also subject-verb/number: 'there are no parks' (plural) not 'there is no park'. Suggestion: use 'would like to have' + plural 'parks' with correct 'there are'.

× So I will like to request to my government to make the park for every ages that can visit their park like old days, like yongies and teenage whoever can go there and enjoy a lot of time and spend your time.

✓ So I would like to request my government to create parks for people of all ages so everyone, including young children and teenagers, can go there and enjoy their time.

Incorrect use of prepositions (ID 11): 'request to my government' should be 'request my government' or 'request that my government'. 'For every ages' should be 'for people of all ages'. Pronoun inconsistency 'your time' should be 'their time'. Also modal consistency: 'would like' is better than 'will like'. Suggestion: use 'request my government to create parks for people of all ages' and maintain plural and pronoun agreement.

× Not, uh, in this time, but, uh, I'm thinking about, I want to go at Disneyland, uh, which was located in America and, uh, I would like to prefer to go to, but in the age of, I don't have any kind of park that I want to go.

✓ Not at the moment, but I am thinking about going to Disneyland in America; I would like to go there, although I don't have a specific park in mind right now.

Present tense issue (ID 6): Awkward tense and phrasing. Use 'Not at the moment' and present continuous 'I am thinking about going'. 'Which was located in America' should be 'in America'. 'Would like to prefer to go to' is redundant—use 'would like to go'. The final clause is simplified to 'I don't have a specific park in mind right now'. Suggestion: use clear time expressions and avoid redundant modals.