Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words and repetition, and use correct tense and simple past forms consistently. Use linking words (for example, “for example” or “also”) to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often played on the swings and slides with my friends, and my parents frequently took us for picnics on weekends. These memories are still very pleasant to me.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, then one or two clear reasons with examples. Fix grammar (use gerunds/nouns correctly) and avoid repetition. Use linking words like “because” and “for example” briefly and coherently.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help clear my mind and reduce stress. For example, I like walking there with friends on Sunday mornings, which helps me relax and improves my mood for the week.

提案: Provide a clear opinion sentence and then two specific reasons with correct vocabulary (e.g., “green spaces,” “environment,” “well-being”). Avoid vague endings; finish thoughts. Use linking words like “firstly” and “also” properly.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. Firstly, green spaces improve the environment by reducing pollution, and secondly, parks encourage people to exercise and improve their mental well-being.

提案: Answer directly and give a specific example or plan. Correct grammar (use “in other countries,” “parks are,” “types”). Limit redundancy and add a reason or a named park if possible.

例: Yes, I would like to visit parks in other countries, such as Central Park in New York or Stanley Park in Vancouver, because I am curious to see different park designs and local plants. Visiting these parks would help me learn about landscape styles and recreational facilities abroad.

× I definitely used to go to parks as as a child.

✓ I definitely used to go to parks as a child.

Duplicate word 'as' is an error in sentence structure and disrupts fluency. Remove the extra 'as' to make the phrase 'as a child' correct and natural. Suggestion: Read sentences slowly to catch repeated words and edit them out.

× I remember the time that I spent, uh, I was spending time with, uh, with swings and swiggles with friends.

✓ I remember spending time on the swings and slides with friends.

The original mixes tense forms ('I remember the time that I spent' and 'I was spending') and misuses vocabulary ('swiggles' is incorrect). Simplify to a single gerund phrase 'remember spending' and use correct nouns 'swings and slides'. Suggestion: Use one clear verb form and choose correct vocabulary words.

× And also my parents often take me for a picnic.

✓ And also my parents often took me for a picnic.

The sentence refers to habitual actions in the past, so the verb should be in the past tense ('took') rather than present tense ('take'). Suggestion: For habitual past actions use 'used to' or the past simple.

× Uh, that we can't, we could.

✓ We used to do that.

The original is unclear and contains contradictory modal verbs ('can't, we could'), producing an incomplete thought. Rephrase to a clear past habitual statement 'We used to do that.' Suggestion: Express habits with 'used to' or 'would' to avoid confusion.

× Yes, I definitely like going to park now because it makes it clear my mind and makes me feel more relaxed and so changing my mindset always and just just spending time with and also spend time with my friend that absolutely the important value of my life.

✓ Yes, I definitely like going to parks now because it clears my mind and makes me feel more relaxed. It always changes my mindset and spending time there with my friends is an important part of my life.

Multiple errors: 'going to park' needs plural or 'the park' (article error). 'makes it clear my mind' is ungrammatical; correct is 'clears my mind' (verb choice and word order). 'and so changing my mindset always' mixes forms; use 'It always changes my mindset.' 'spend time with my friend' should be plural 'friends' if speaking generally, and sentence fragments need combining into full sentences. Suggestion: Break long sentences into shorter ones, ensure correct articles ('the' or plural), match verb forms, and use plural for general references to friends.

× Obviously I would like to see parks in my city because it's firstly, it's clean, it's a green spaces that makes our city more environmental cleaner and beautiful and green spaces it makes people be more.

✓ Obviously I would like to see more parks in my city because they are clean green spaces that make our city more environmentally friendly and beautiful, and green spaces improve people's well-being.

Several article and noun agreement errors: 'it's a green spaces' mixes singular 'a' with plural 'spaces'. 'Environmental cleaner' is incorrect form; use 'environmentally friendly' or 'cleaner environment'. The clause 'it makes people be more' is incomplete; clarify what 'more' refers to (e.g., well-being). Suggestion: Ensure number agreement between articles and nouns, use correct adjective/adverb forms ('environmentally friendly'), and complete thoughts by specifying the effect on people.

× Yes, I want to, I, I want, I, I want, I would like to visit more parks in other country because parks is really interesting and I want to find out all type of parks that are created by people.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit more parks in other countries because parks are really interesting and I want to find out all types of parks created by people.

Problems include repetition and number agreement: 'other country' should be plural 'other countries'; 'parks is' should be 'parks are'; 'all type' should be 'all types'. Also remove redundant repetitions. Use 'would like' for polite future intention. Suggestion: Check subject-verb agreement for plural nouns, pluralize countable nouns like 'country' and 'type', and avoid unnecessary repetition.