Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid hesitations and repetition (uh, like, have). Use past tense consistently when talking about childhood and choose precise vocabulary (e.g., swings, picnic, outdoor time).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my family and friends to play on the swings and run around the lawns. We also had picnics under the trees, which are one of my fondest childhood memories.

提案: Answer directly and correct word choice and grammar. Use present tense and clear nouns (e.g., spend time outdoors, relax, clear my mind). Give one specific reason and briefly explain with linking words (because, so). Reduce fillers and avoid incomplete phrases.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I often visit parks with my family or friends because spending time outdoors helps me relax and clear my mind. For example, a short walk in the park helps me feel refreshed and more focused.

提案: Make your preference clear and support it with specific benefits. Use correct future phrasing (I would like to see / I hope the city will build). Replace vague claims about personality with concrete effects (improve wellbeing, provide recreation). Keep it to two or three sentences and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, absolutely. I would like the city to create more large parks with wide gardens and green spaces because they improve people's wellbeing and provide places for exercise and relaxation. For instance, a big park could host sports, family outings, and community events.

提案: Be specific about which park or what features attract you. Use clear nouns and concise phrasing (e.g., botanical garden, rose garden). Explain why in one or two supporting sentences using linking words (because, so). Remove repetitions and filler words.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a botanical garden that features rare flowers and themed gardens because it would be a new and memorable experience. For example, seeing seasonal blossoms and learning about exotic plants would be both relaxing and educational.

× I like going to park with my family and my friends.

✓ I like going to the park with my family and my friends.

Use of the definite article 'the' is required before 'park' when referring to a specific or known place. Suggestion: say 'the park' when mentioning a particular park you used to visit.

× I love to play, uh, in the garden with the swing and uh, run around the park.

✓ I loved playing in the garden with the swings and running around the park.

The question asked about childhood (past), so use past tense 'loved' and gerunds 'playing' and 'running' after verbs expressing liking. Also pluralize 'swings' if more than one. Suggestion: match tense to time frame and use gerunds after 'love' when describing activities.

× Uh, also we have like a picnic with my family and spend a time outdoor, which is have a have.

✓ We also had a picnic with my family and spent time outdoors, which was really fun.

Quantifier and time expressions must match past tense: 'had a picnic' and 'spent time outdoors'. 'A time' is incorrect here; use 'time' without 'a'. 'Outdoor' should be adverb 'outdoors'. The phrase 'which is have a have' is ungrammatical; replace with 'which was really fun'. Suggestion: use correct verb forms and common collocations: 'had a picnic', 'spent time outdoors', 'outdoors'.

× I still like going to work, uh, with my family or my friends and spend time outdoor because I feel, uh, the park is like a time to relaxing and also organize your thoughts.

✓ I still like going to the park with my family or my friends and spending time outdoors because I feel the park is a place to relax and organize your thoughts.

Use 'the park' (article), 'spending' (gerund) to follow 'like', and 'outdoors' as adverb. 'Time to relaxing' is ungrammatical; use 'a place to relax' or 'a time to relax'. Suggestion: use gerunds after 'like', correct article usage, and use 'place to relax' for clarity.

× So it is have, uh, have really a special part in my heart actually, like, uh, restore the.

✓ So it really has a special place in my heart, actually, like it restores me.

The sentence lacked correct verb and article usage: use 'has' for possession, 'a special place' is the correct collocation, and 'restores me' completes the idea. Suggestion: use 'has a special place in my heart' and a clear reflexive/result phrase like 'it restores me'.

× I want to in the future see more part actually a large park with the huge, uh, a huge garden and like a green place, which is really can affect in the people and their, uh, personality and their, uh, emotion.

✓ In the future I want to see more parks, actually a large park with a huge garden and green space, which can really affect people and their personality and emotions.

Use plural 'parks' when speaking generally, correct article placement ('a huge garden' without extra 'the'), and 'green space' is a natural collocation. Remove unnecessary 'in' after 'affect' and use 'people' without 'the'. Use 'emotions' plural. Suggestion: simplify structure, use correct articles and prepositions, and pluralize when speaking generally.

× So really I like to be a bark and.

✓ So I would really like to be in a park more often.

Original sentence is incomplete and unclear. 'Be a bark' is incorrect; likely meant 'be in a park'. Use conditional/modal 'would like' for desire and complete the sentence with 'more often' or similar. Suggestion: use full clause with proper verbs and prepositions: 'I would like to be in a park more often.'

× Yes, there are a much of work I want to visit in the future the park which have a special flower and a special garden, which is really can be like a new a new a new experience and like have have a special a new special part from my heart and my memory part so.

✓ Yes, there are many parks I want to visit in the future, parks that have special flowers and gardens; they can be a new experience and hold a special place in my heart and memories.

Use 'there are' with plural 'parks' and quantifier 'many' instead of 'a much of'. 'The park which have' should be 'parks that have' with plural verb agreement. Remove repetitions and use natural collocations: 'hold a special place in my heart and memories'. Suggestion: use 'many' for countable plural nouns, ensure subject-verb agreement, and avoid repetition.