Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, use past tense consistently, avoid filler words (uh), and include one specific detail to support your answer. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add a brief specific example. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child because many of my neighbours were children and we played cricket there every afternoon. For example, we had a favorite spot under a big banyan tree where we met after school.

提案: Use present tense correctly and remove fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a concise supporting detail about frequency or activity, using linking words like 'because' or 'so'. Correct grammar (e.g., 'small walks' -> 'short walks').

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because my friend Akhilesh and I meet there regularly. We usually take short walks twice a week and chat about work and life, which helps me relax.

提案: Give a direct, natural topic sentence and follow with one specific reason. Avoid overly general or awkward phrasing (e.g., 'an individual', 'to which they get more social'). Use linking words like 'because' and provide a concrete benefit or example.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they encourage community interaction. For instance, more parks would give families and young people safe places to exercise and meet neighbours.

提案: Be concise and use correct tense. Remove repetitions and improve coherence by using linking words like 'because' and 'to'. Provide one clear reason and a brief specific detail about what you expect to do or see there.

例: Yes, I want to visit the Rock Garden in Chandigarh because I went there as a child and it brings back fond memories. I hope to walk through the sculptures again and take photos to share with my family.

× Yes, I really like to go to parks as a child because I used to have a lot of friends in my society with whom we, uh, with whom I used to play.

✓ Yes, I really liked going to parks as a child because I used to have a lot of friends in my neighborhood with whom I used to play.

The original mixes present tense 'like' with past context 'as a child' causing a tense inconsistency. Use past tense 'liked' and the gerund 'going' to describe habitual past actions. 'Society' is awkward in this context; 'neighborhood' is more natural in English. Also remove the repetition 'we, uh, with whom' for clarity.

× Uh, I really like to go to parks till today because of one of my friends Akhilesh.

✓ Uh, I still really like going to parks because of one of my friends, Akhilesh.

'Till today' is unnatural here; use 'still' to indicate continuation. Maintain gerund 'going' for preference statements. The original had a present-tense preference but an awkward time expression; this correction keeps present tense and improves word choice and punctuation.

× I go with him for a small walks during which we have short convos.

✓ I go with him for small walks during which we have short conversations.

'A small walks' mixes singular article 'a' with plural 'walks'; remove 'a' to match plural 'walks'. 'Convos' is informal; use 'conversations' in a test context. Also no article needed before 'small walks' when speaking generally.

× Yes, I would really like to see more of the parks in my city as when an individual goes to other places to explore, they find more people to which they get more social and it's good for them.

✓ Yes, I would really like to see more parks in my city because when someone goes to other places to explore, they meet more people, become more social, and it is good for them.

The original uses awkward pronouns and prepositions: 'more of the parks' and 'people to which they get more social'. Use 'more parks' and 'when someone... they meet more people' for natural pronoun agreement. Replace 'get more social' with 'become more social'. Use 'it is' instead of contraction in formal response if desired.

× Yes there is a park called Rock garden in Chandigarh which I I really want to go in future as I went there when I was a child so in to get nostalgia from my childhood I would really like to visit there.

✓ Yes, there is a park called Rock Garden in Chandigarh that I really want to visit in the future because I went there when I was a child, and I would like to go back for nostalgia.

Fix 'I I' duplication and incorrect verb 'go in future' to 'visit in the future'. Use 'that' instead of 'which' for defining clause. 'Visit there' is redundant; use 'go back' or 'visit'. The sentence was long and repetitive; split and rephrase for clarity and correct use of 'there is' to introduce existence of a park.