Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and fix grammar errors (e.g., "my both my parents" → "both my parents"). Use linking words like "however" to show contrast.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. However, both my parents worked long hours, so they couldn't take me there as often as I wanted, which meant I usually went with my friends or older cousins instead.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer and avoid contradicting phrases. Provide a reason and an example using linking words (e.g., "but", "because"). Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: I still enjoy going to parks, but not in the same way as a child because I prefer quiet walks. For example, I like wandering along tree-lined paths to relax and clear my mind after a busy day.

提案: Give a direct yes/no and then explain with specific reasons. Avoid filler words (uh, etcetera) and incomplete sentences. Use linking words like "however" or "for example" and be specific about what kinds of parks you'd like.

例: I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green space and places to exercise. However, I don't need every small park to be special; I would prefer a few well-designed parks with playgrounds and walking trails, for example a large central park with a lake and benches.

提案: Answer directly and give specific reasons why you want to visit. Correct small errors ("their runs" → "run" or "running paths") and avoid vague phrases. Use linking words like "because" and give one concrete detail.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because of its famous scenery and varied activities. For example, I want to try the running paths and see the lake in autumn when the trees change color.

× Of course, I think going to the park each day is at least three times a week is any child's wish, but unfortunately my both my parents were working when I was a kid, so they didn't really have that much time to bring me there as much as I would like. So yeah.

✓ Of course, I think going to the park at least three times a week is any child's wish, but unfortunately both my parents were working when I was a kid, so they didn't really have time to take me there as often as I would have liked.

The original sentence contains redundant and misplaced phrases that make the sentence structure unclear ('each day is at least three times a week' is contradictory). Also 'my both my parents' duplicates 'my'. Use 'at least three times a week' and place it directly after 'park' for clarity. Change 'bring me there as much as I would like' to 'take me there as often as I would have liked' for correct idiomatic past reference and clarity.

× I've grown up and I don't enjoy going to the parks as I enjoyed when I was a little girl.

✓ I've grown up and I don't enjoy going to the parks as I did when I was a little girl.

The comparison refers to a past state, so the verb in the second clause should be in the past tense ('did') rather than present ('enjoyed' after 'as' with present main clause is awkward). Using 'did' correctly compares current feelings with past feelings.

× I think I enjoy going to the parks and just wandering around more now that I've grown.

✓ I think I enjoy going to parks and just wandering around more now that I've grown up.

'Parks' plural is fine, but 'I've grown' is incomplete; the common collocation is 'grown up' to indicate adulthood. Use 'going to parks' (no article) to speak generally. This fixes tense and idiomatic phrasing.

× I do like to visit any kind of new places in my city, parks, historical buildings, etcetera. Uh, but I don't think that parks have anything special that I would suggest to visit, uh, every single park in my city, I guess one or.

✓ I do like visiting new places in my city, such as parks and historical buildings, but I don't think every park has something special I would recommend visiting; maybe one or two stand out.

The original is disfluent and incomplete ('one or.'), and mixes infinitive and listing awkwardly. Use gerund 'visiting' for general preference, restructure the sentence to combine examples smoothly, and complete the thought with 'one or two' to convey the intended idea.

× Not in my city, but I can of course mention Central Park in New York. I can. I think that's any person's wish to visit one day in any season.

✓ Not in my city, but I can, of course, mention Central Park in New York. I think it's everyone's wish to visit it one day in any season.

Repetition 'I can. I can.' is unnecessary. Use commas around 'of course' for correct punctuation in speech transcription. 'That's any person's wish' is unnatural; use 'it's everyone's wish' and 'visit it' (refer to Central Park) for correct pronoun reference.

× It's so beautiful, so mesmerizing. I do love to visit their runs at least one time.

✓ It's so beautiful, so mesmerizing. I would love to visit it at least once.

'Their runs' is incorrect pronoun use and unclear meaning. Likely intended 'visit it at least once.' Use conditional 'would love' to express desire and 'once' instead of 'one time' for natural phrasing.