Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear, concise and accurate. Start with a direct topic sentence in past tense (e.g. “Yes, I did.”). Avoid repetition and incorrect words (e.g. “artists” is wrong here). Give one or two specific supporting details using linking words (e.g. “because” / “so”). Keep under five sentences.

例: Yes, I did. I often went to the local park to walk or jog because it helped me stay active and establish a healthy routine. For example, I would go there every Saturday morning with my family to play games and exercise together.

提案: Use present tense and avoid hesitations and wrong words (e.g. “pub” is incorrect). Give a clear topic sentence (e.g. “Yes, I still enjoy going to parks.”) Then provide one or two specific reasons and a linking word (e.g. “because” / “so”). Keep sentences fluent and correct grammar (e.g. “go jogging” not “can jogging”).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I go there regularly because exercising outdoors is healthier and it lets me chat with friends while we go jogging together.

提案: Answer directly and avoid repetitions. Use conditional and result language correctly (e.g. “If there were more parks, people would exercise more and be healthier”). Provide one specific benefit and a linking word (e.g. “because” / “so”) and correct adjective use (“healthier” not “much more healthier”).

例: Yes, I would. If there were more parks in my city, more people would have opportunities to exercise outdoors, so overall public health would improve.

提案: Be specific about the park and avoid filler words (e.g. “Umm”). Start with a direct sentence (e.g. “Yes — I would like to visit X park in Thailand.”). Give one or two concrete reasons (scenery, activities, cultural experiences) and use linking words (e.g. “because”, “for example”). Avoid vague adjectives like “funny people.”

例: Yes, I would like to visit Lumpini Park in Bangkok, Thailand, in the future because it is famous for its lakes and gardens. For example, I want to see the scenery, try local street food nearby, and meet people who exercise and relax there.

× Yes, I'd like to go to parks as a child.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks as a child.

The question asks about past habit (as a child). The student used 'I'd like' (would like) which expresses present preference, causing tense mismatch. Use past simple 'liked' or 'used to' to correctly indicate a childhood habit. Suggestion: say 'I liked going to parks as a child' or 'I used to like going to parks as a child.'

× I'd like to go there for a walk or jogging because I found I find artists much more healthier and it gives me a healthy routine, very routine.

✓ I liked to go there for walks or jogging because I found it healthier and it gave me a good routine.

Multiple problems: 'for a walk or jogging' mixes noun forms — use 'walks' or 'jogging' consistently. 'I found I find' mixes past and present — keep past 'found' if speaking about childhood. 'artists' is incorrect word choice; likely meant 'exercise' or 'activities' — replaced with 'it' referring to parks. 'much more healthier' is incorrect: 'healthier' is comparative so 'much' or 'more' alone is okay but not both; use 'healthier' and remove extra intensifier. 'very routine' is awkward; use 'a good routine.' Suggestion: use consistent verb forms and correct comparative usage.

× Yes, I should still like to go into pub now because I think it is healthier and I would like to I I like to go to parks with my friends or family because we can jogging together whilst talking.

✓ Yes, I still like to go to parks now because I think they are healthier, and I like to go with my friends or family because we can jog together while talking.

'Should still like' is incorrect modal use for preference; remove 'should'. 'go into pub' is wrong preposition and noun — 'pub' is irrelevant; should be 'parks'. 'it is healthier' refers to parks (plural) so use 'they are healthier' (subject-verb agreement). 'we can jogging' uses wrong verb form after modal/can; use base form 'jog'. 'whilst' is acceptable but 'while' is more natural in modern usage. Also remove repeated 'I would like to I I like' redundancy.

× Yes, I really hope so that there are more parks in my city because if they they are more, much more parks in my city, then it will be a a way for people to go exercise in the park and people in my city will be much more healthier.

✓ Yes, I really hope there will be more parks in my city, because if there are many more parks, people will have places to exercise and will be much healthier.

Word order and quantifier misuse: 'hope so that there are' is awkward — use 'hope there will be'. Repetition 'they they are more, much more parks' incorrect; use 'if there are many more parks'. 'a way for people to go exercise in the park' is unidiomatic; use 'places to exercise'. 'much more healthier' is incorrect comparative form — use 'much healthier' or 'more healthy' but not both. Also fix article duplication 'a a' and tense consistency.

× Yes, there is Umm. I think there is a very famous park in Thailand and I would like to visit the park in the future.

✓ Yes. I think there is a very famous park in Thailand, and I would like to visit it in the future.

Redundant filler 'Umm' removed for clarity. Repetition 'there is' acceptable but better combined into one sentence. Use pronoun 'it' to avoid repeating 'the park'. Tense 'would like to visit in the future' is fine.

× I think that is a beautiful scene. You can meet with wonderful people and funny people and you can talk with them.

✓ I think it is a beautiful place. You can meet nice people and chat with them.

'Beautiful scene' is odd when referring to a park; 'place' is more natural. 'Wonderful people and funny people' is repetitive — choose one descriptor ('nice' or 'friendly'). 'meet with' is acceptable but 'meet' is more natural here. 'talk with them' can be simplified to 'chat with them.' These changes improve register and concision.