Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor errors. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and filler words, and correct grammar (e.g., 'my PR parents' is unclear). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas.

例: Not really. There weren't many parks near my house, and my parents were busy with work, so they didn't let me go out alone. The nearest park was a 30-minute walk, which made it difficult for me to visit often.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitations and repeats, and finish your thought. Use linking words (for example, 'because' and 'also') and give one specific detail about when or how often you go. Correct word order (say 'my wife and I') and choose precise vocabulary ('I love it there').

例: Yes. My wife and I run in a park near our apartment every Saturday because it has a circular jogging track and many trees. Also, the air is cool in the morning, which makes running pleasant.

提案: Answer directly, reduce hesitations, and give one or two concrete reasons. Use linking words like 'because' and 'therefore' to structure the answer. Replace vague phrases ('maybe there is something more to explore') with specific examples of what you might find.

例: Yes, I would. Running in the same park every week can become boring, so I would like more parks so I can try different routes and scenery. For example, a new park might have a lake or different trails to explore.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming the park and then add specific details (location, distance, reasons) without hesitations. Fix small grammar issues ('next to Jota' → 'near Jota', 'by car' not 'with car'), and avoid calling it a 'huge farm' unless accurate—use 'park' or 'green space.'

例: I'd like to visit Bogor Park, which is near Jota and about a half-hour drive away. I've never run there before, so I'm curious how it feels to run in such a large, green park and whether it has long trails or varied terrain.

× Honestly I don't think that I did much because there weren't many parks nearby to my house and my PR parents also were so busy at work and they they didn't allow me to go to the park by myself. I had to walk 30 minutes to.

✓ Honestly, I don't think that I did much because there weren't many parks near my house and my PR parents were also so busy at work that they didn't allow me to go to the park by myself. I had to walk 30 minutes to get there.

Use 'near' rather than 'nearby to' for location with a noun. Add 'that' clause to show result and 'get there' to complete idea about walking duration.

× Yes, I do actually. I and my wife go to a park nearby of my apartment every Saturday for a run and I love rain there because there's uh, there's a circular track for jogging and also there are so many trees and if you visit the park in the morning, the air will be cool and then.

✓ Yes, I do actually. My wife and I go to a park near my apartment every Saturday for a run, and I love being there because there's a circular track for jogging, there are many trees, and if you visit the park in the morning, the air is cool.

Use 'My wife and I' (polite subject order) rather than 'I and my wife'. Use 'near' not 'nearby of'. Use 'being there' instead of 'rain there' which is likely a mispronunciation. Use present simple 'is cool' for general truth instead of 'will be cool'. Remove trailing 'and then' and combine clauses for clarity.

× Yes, ah, of course I want to explore other parks in Jota because running in the same park every week, uh, sometimes will get you bored. So exploring new parks will give you new experience and also uh, maybe there is something more to explore in.

✓ Yes, of course I want to explore other parks in Jota because running in the same park every week sometimes gets boring. Exploring new parks gives you new experiences, and maybe there will be more to discover.

Use present simple 'sometimes gets boring' for habitual situations instead of 'will get you bored'. Use plural 'experiences' and present simple 'gives' for general facts. Use 'will be' for future possibility 'there will be more to discover'. Remove incomplete ending and improve word choice.

× I want to go to Bogor Park. It's a huge park available in Bogor uh city next to Jota uh 1/2 hour ride with car. And actually I never run in the park so I wonder what is it like to run in the huge farm?

✓ I want to go to Bogor Park. It's a huge park in the city of Bogor, next to Jota, about a half-hour drive by car. Actually, I have never run in that park, so I wonder what it's like to run in such a large park.

Use 'the city of Bogor' or just 'Bogor' for location and remove 'available'. Use 'a half-hour drive' and 'by car'. Use present perfect 'have never run' for experience up to now. Replace 'the huge farm' with 'such a large park' to match meaning and correct article usage ('that park').

× And actually I never run in the park so I wonder what is it like to run in the huge farm?

✓ Actually, I have never run in that park, so I wonder what it would be like to run in such a large park.

Reorder to use present perfect 'have never run' for life experience and use indirect question word order 'what it would be like' for a hypothetical or speculative question. Replace 'huge farm' with 'large park' for accurate meaning.