Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more concise, correct small grammar mistakes, and add one or two specific examples of activities to make it more vivid. Start with a clear topic sentence, then use linking words (e.g. however, although, because) and keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: I wasn’t very keen on parks as a child because I was an indoor person. However, whenever my father invited me I usually went because I enjoyed spending time with him. For example, we would play cricket or fly kites in the park, which made those visits memorable.

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition (e.g. “stick with me” twice). Use a clear topic sentence, then give one specific supporting detail and a concluding sentence. Use linking words such as although and therefore to improve cohesion.

例: Although I’m still more of an indoor person, I do enjoy going to parks occasionally with friends. For example, we often have picnics and play board games on the grass, which creates pleasant memories. Therefore I welcome park visits when friends invite me.

提案: Avoid repeating ideas (e.g. ‘so’ and ‘definitely’) and correct small grammar issues (e.g. use ‘a few animals’). Start with a direct answer, then give two specific reasons using linking words like because and for example.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because each one has a different character. For example, some parks have lush greenery while others feature a lake and a few birds or ducks, which makes exploring them enjoyable.

提案: Provide a clearer direct response and improve grammar and fluency. Instead of saying only ‘no’, offer a brief reason and a conditional plan (what you would do if invited). Use linking words like however or but, and keep it to 2–3 concise sentences.

例: Not at the moment, I don’t have a specific park in mind. However, if a friend suggests a new park, I would be happy to try it, especially if it has interesting features like a lake or walking trails.

× Not really because I was more of an indoor child so I rarely used to go to parks.

✓ Not really, because I was more of an indoor child, so I rarely went to parks.

The phrase 'used to' is acceptable but redundant with 'rarely' and 'was'; using simple past 'rarely went' is clearer and more natural for habitual past actions. Also add commas for clarity.

× But whenever my dad asked me to go to the park, I usually would not hesitate because I would I like to spend time with my father and we also used to do various activities and sports during other times as well in the park.

✓ But whenever my dad asked me to go to the park, I usually would not hesitate because I liked to spend time with my father, and we also used to do various activities and sports in the park.

There is an incorrect insertion 'I' after 'would' and inconsistent verb forms. 'Would I like' is wrong; past habitual preference should be 'liked to spend'. Remove the extra 'I' and simplify 'during other times as well' to 'in the park' for clarity.

× I'm still not much of an outdoor person, but sometimes when my friends ask me to come over, we usually go to the park and maybe have a picnic.

✓ I'm still not much of an outdoor person, but sometimes when my friends ask me to come out, we usually go to the park and maybe have a picnic.

'Come over' implies visiting someone's home; 'come out' or 'go out' better matches going to a park. Tense is fine but preposition/verb choice is inappropriate.

× And those memories always stuck with me because even though I'm an indoor person, those kind of special moments do stick with you.

✓ And those memories have always stuck with me because even though I'm an indoor person, those kinds of special moments do stick with you.

Mixing past tense 'stuck' with 'always' is inconsistent; present perfect 'have always stuck' is appropriate to indicate lasting effect. Also 'those kind' should be plural 'those kinds' or better 'those kinds of special moments'.

× I vividly remember certain parks have lush greenery, while some parks are not that green, but they have a lake, maybe few animals.

✓ I vividly remember certain parks have lush greenery, while some parks are not that green, but they have a lake and maybe a few animals.

'Few animals' without an article implies scarcity; 'a few animals' is the common expression meaning some animals. Also add 'and' for natural coordination.

× So I like a lot of variety and observing the nature.

✓ So I like a lot of variety and observing nature.

'The nature' is incorrect when speaking generally; use the uncountable noun 'nature' without an article.

× So far no, I have nothing on my mind right now about specific park, but maybe if any of my friends suggest to go out to a new place I'm all I'm welcome to try it.

✓ So far no, I have nothing in mind right now about a specific park, but maybe if any of my friends suggest going out to a new place, I'm happy to try it.

Use 'in mind' not 'on my mind' with 'nothing' in this context, and 'a specific park' requires the indefinite article. 'Suggest to go' is incorrect; use 'suggest going'. 'I'm all I'm welcome to try it' is ungrammatical—replace with 'I'm happy to try it' for natural expression.