Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more concise and correct minor grammar issues. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid mixing past and present without clear markers.

例: Not really. I didn’t have parks near my childhood home, so I rarely visited them. However, after I moved to Ho Chi Minh City, I began going to parks regularly to relax and exercise.

提案: Use correct tense consistency and add a linking word to connect reasons. Keep it within 2–4 sentences and give one specific example of when or where you exercise.

例: Yes, I do. I often go to the park to jog or do stretching exercises because it helps me stay fit. For example, I usually jog there every morning for about 30 minutes to start the day refreshed.

提案: Remove hesitations and repeated phrases, and add a clear linking word to show cause and effect. Provide one concrete benefit with a brief example to make it more specific.

例: Yes, definitely. There are only two parks in my city, so I would like more green spaces. More parks would give people convenient places to exercise and meet friends, which would help improve public health and strengthen community ties.

提案: Correct grammar and word choice errors, and avoid awkward phrases. Use linking words to sequence your ideas and include one specific activity with a short reason why you want to do it.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because many bloggers praise its beautiful scenery and lively atmosphere. In particular, I want to go boating on the large lake and walk around the park to relax and take photos.

× After I moved to Ho Chi Minh City I started going to parks more regularly to relax and exercise now.

✓ After I moved to Ho Chi Minh City, I started going to parks more regularly to relax and exercise.

The adverb 'now' conflicts with the past-tense 'started'. Remove 'now' because the sentence describes a change that began in the past. Also add a comma after the introductory clause for clarity.

× I often go to the park to exercise such as jogging or doing stretches and I also visited just to breathe the fresh air and relax for a while.

✓ I often go to the park to exercise, such as jogging or doing stretches, and I also visit just to breathe the fresh air and relax for a while.

The sentence mixes present tense ('go') with past tense ('visited'). Use present tense consistently ('visit') because the student is describing habitual actions. Add commas to set off the 'such as' phrase for readability.

× There are only about two parks in the city, so I like, so I'd like to see more green spaces.

✓ There are only about two parks in the city, so I'd like to see more green spaces.

The phrase contains a repeated 'so I like, so' which is redundant and ungrammatical. Remove the extra words to produce a clear sentence. No article change is required here beyond removing redundancy.

× More parks would give me convenient places to exercise, relax and meet friends, which would improve people's health and community life.

✓ More parks would give me convenient places for exercising, relaxing, and meeting friends, which would improve people's health and community life.

Using 'places to exercise' is acceptable, but parallel structure is improved by using gerunds after 'places for'. Also include commas to separate items in the list for clarity.

× Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because I've seen many bloggers recommended for it's beautiful scenery and lively atmosphere.

✓ Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because I've seen many bloggers recommend it for its beautiful scenery and lively atmosphere.

The original uses an incorrect structure: 'I've seen many bloggers recommended for' mixes past participle and passive incorrectly. Use 'I've seen many bloggers recommend it' (present perfect + bare infinitive after 'see') or 'many bloggers recommend it'. Also 'it's' (it is) is incorrect for the possessive; use 'its'.

× I'm especially interested in boating on the late large lake and walking around, so it seems like a perfect place to relax and take photos.

✓ I'm especially interested in boating on the large lake and walking around, so it seems like a perfect place to relax and take photos.

The word 'late' is incorrect here; likely a misuse for 'large' or 'lake' descriptor. Remove 'late' and keep the gerund forms 'boating' and 'walking' which correctly express ongoing activities. The sentence then reads naturally.