Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, keep it concise (max 5 sentences), and avoid hesitations or self-corrections. Add one specific supporting detail using a linking word to make the answer more coherent (for example, mention a particular activity you did there).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my family visited Children's Park every weekend, where I used to play on the swings and join my siblings in impromptu races. This routine made the park a very special and memorable place for me.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence then one specific reason or example, and use a linking word to connect ideas. Avoid vague phrasing like 'I'm sure' without explanation. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Not much at the moment, because I don't have much free time. However, if I find time on weekends I would still enjoy visiting a park, as I always relax and recharge there after a busy week.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence, then add one or two specific benefits using linking words without repeating the same phrase. Avoid redundancy (repeating 'it builds your character').

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they offer safe outdoor spaces for children. For instance, playing with other kids in parks helps develop social skills and confidence, which benefits their emotional growth.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence, correct small errors, and provide a specific reason with a linking word. Avoid repeating 'I always wanted' and be precise about what you would do there.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York City because I grew up watching Friends and it features in many scenes. While there, I would walk the paths, take photos near iconic spots, and soak up the atmosphere to create a lasting memory.

× When I was a child there was a park called Children's Park in my town and my father used to take us, I mean me and my siblings, there every weekend.

✓ When I was a child there was a park called Children's Park in my town and my father used to take me and my siblings there every weekend.

The original sentence uses 'take us, I mean me and my siblings,' which is informal and redundant. Use the correct object pronoun order 'take me and my siblings' and place the object before the adverbial 'there'. This fixes pronoun usage and word order. Suggestion: Remove the interjection 'I mean' in formal speech and place 'there' after the object phrase.

× Honestly speaking, nowadays I don't have the leisure time to visit one, but I'm sure I'll be delighted as much as I was in my childhood when I go to a park.

✓ Honestly speaking, nowadays I don't have the leisure time to visit one, but I'm sure I'll be as delighted as I was in my childhood when I go to a park.

The phrase 'delighted as much as' is awkward; use the comparative structure 'as ... as' for equality: 'as delighted as'. This corrects present/future comparison phrasing. Also retains future 'I'll' and present 'go' which is acceptable for planned future visits. Suggestion: Use 'as delighted as' for comparisons of degree.

× I think childhood is a time where you are building your character, your personality, and playing in the park with other children helps a lot.

✓ I think childhood is a time when you are building your character and your personality, and playing in the park with other children helps a lot.

Use 'when' rather than 'where' for time references ('a time when...'). Also combine coordinated elements with proper conjunctions: replace the comma after 'personality' with 'and' to link the two related ideas more clearly. Suggestion: Use 'when' for time clauses and ensure coordination is clear.

× So I think we should.

✓ So I think we should encourage more parks.

The original sentence 'So I think we should.' is incomplete and vague—it's missing the object or complement that explains what 'should' refers to. This is a sentence structure/pronoun reference issue: 'we' lacks a clear action. Provide the intended action to complete the sentence. Suggestion: Specify the action after 'should', e.g., 'we should create more parks' or 'we should encourage more parks'.

× Of course, I of always wanted to visit Central Park in New York City and the reason is simple.

✓ Of course, I have always wanted to visit Central Park in New York City, and the reason is simple.

'I of always wanted' is incorrect; the correct auxiliary is 'have' for the present perfect 'have always wanted'. Add a comma before the conjunction and ensure proper auxiliary usage. This fixes article/auxiliary placement and word order. Suggestion: Use present perfect 'have always wanted' to express a desire continuing up to now.

× I've grown up watching Friends series, so I've always wanted to visit one.

✓ I've grown up watching the series Friends, so I've always wanted to visit it.

'Friends series' needs an article and natural word order: 'the series Friends' or simply 'Friends'. Also 'visit one' is ambiguous; use 'visit it' to refer to the series' location (for example, a place associated with the show) or 'visit the locations from the show' if intended. This corrects article use and pronoun reference. Suggestion: Say 'watching the series Friends' and clarify what 'visit' refers to (a place or the park shown in the series).

× I always wanted to take a picture there and build a memorable moment.

✓ I have always wanted to take a picture there and create a memorable moment.

To match tense with earlier 'have always wanted', use present perfect 'have always wanted'. Also 'build a memorable moment' is unnatural: use 'create' or 'make' a memorable moment. This addresses verb form and idiomatic verb choice. Suggestion: Use 'have always wanted' and 'create a memorable moment' for natural phrasing.