Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct tense and sentence structure. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and filler words like 'etcetera.'

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often played hide-and-seek with my friends and we used to build sandcastles in the playground, which made our afternoons very fun.

提案: Use clearer grammar and link ideas smoothly. Begin with a direct topic sentence about current preference, then add specific reasons and a linking word. Correct small grammatical errors (e.g., 'children' not 'children's').

例: I don't enjoy parks as much as I did as a child, but I still go sometimes for peace and to be close to nature. For instance, I often sit on a bench and watch children playing because it relaxes me.

提案: Avoid repetition and organize your answer: give one clear reason, then a specific benefit with linking words. Fix repetitions and incomplete phrases. Keep to two to three sentences maximum.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because I enjoy seeing greenery. Moreover, more parks would give local residents and children safe places to exercise and relax in the mornings and evenings.

提案: Complete your answer with full sentences and avoid hesitations. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the park, then give two specific features using linking words. Do not leave sentences unfinished.

例: Yes, I plan to visit Zambu Park, which is near my city. It has many children's activities and a two-kilometre footpath where you can walk or jog, so it sounds perfect for a family outing.

× Indeed, I like to visit parks when I was a child because there are many playful activities which I used to play.

✓ Indeed, I liked to visit parks when I was a child because there were many playful activities that I used to enjoy.

Tense inconsistency: 'I like' (present) conflicts with 'when I was a child' (past). Use past tense 'liked' and 'were'. Also 'used to play' is awkward with 'activities'; change to 'used to enjoy' or specify verbs. Use 'that' instead of 'which' for essential clause. Suggestion: Keep time references consistent by using past tense for past habits and match subject-verb forms accordingly.

× My friend also come there and join me to play with me many games like hide and seek and playing with sand making sand castle etcetera.

✓ My friends also came there and joined me to play many games like hide-and-seek and playing with sand, making sandcastles, etc.

Subject-verb agreement and number: 'My friend' with plural actions suggests 'friends' or keep singular and change verbs. Verbs should be past to match 'was a child' context: 'came' and 'joined'. Word order and repetition ('join me to play with me') is redundant; simplify. Use plural 'sandcastles' and hyphenate 'hide-and-seek'. Suggestion: Ensure subject number matches verbs and avoid repeated objects; use past tense for childhood activities.

× Well not as much as I like in my childhood but yes I visit parks when I want peace and want to go near of nature.

✓ Well, not as much as I did in my childhood, but yes, I visit parks when I want peace and to be close to nature.

Tense and phrasing: 'as much as I like in my childhood' mixes present 'like' with past time 'childhood' — use past 'did'. 'go near of nature' is incorrect preposition and structure; use 'be close to nature' or 'get close to nature'. Also add commas for clarity. Suggestion: Match tense to the time reference and use correct prepositions ('close to nature').

× I also love watching children's while they are playing games.

✓ I also love watching children while they are playing games.

Incorrect use of apostrophe: 'children's' is possessive, but a plain plural 'children' is needed as the object of 'watching'. Remove apostrophe-s. Also maintain present simple for general truth. Suggestion: Use correct plural nouns without apostrophes for non-possessive forms.

× Yes, I want to see more parks in my city because I because I like to see greenery everywhere.

✓ Yes, I want to see more parks in my city because I like to see greenery everywhere.

Redundant phrase 'because I because I' is a repetition error causing poor sentence structure. Remove the duplicate. Keep present simple for general preference. Suggestion: Read sentences aloud to spot accidental repetitions and remove duplicates.

× I want to see parks everywhere so people in my locality and children in my locality can visit there and they can enjoy their evening morning and their.

✓ I want parks everywhere so people and children in my locality can visit them and enjoy their mornings and evenings.

Awkward repetition and unclear noun references: 'people in my locality and children in my locality' is repetitive—combine. 'Visit there' is incorrect; use 'visit them' (referring to parks). 'Their evening morning and their' is disordered and incomplete; correct to 'their mornings and evenings'. Suggestion: Combine repeated phrases, use correct pronouns to refer back to nouns, and order time expressions naturally.

× Yes, I want to visit Zambu Park which is nearby my city.

✓ Yes, I want to visit Zambu Park, which is near my city.

Prepositional phrasing: 'nearby my city' is incorrect; use 'near my city' or 'nearby in my city'. Add a comma before the nonrestrictive clause 'which is near my city'. Suggestion: Use 'near' with a noun and punctuate nonrestrictive clauses with commas.

× Uh, there are so many activities for children in that park.

✓ There are many activities for children in that park.

Casual filler 'Uh' should be removed in written form. The sentence is otherwise correct present simple for general fact. Keep present tense since the park currently has activities. Suggestion: Omit filler words in formal or written responses.

× There is a footpath where we can walk around 2 kilometre.

✓ There is a footpath where we can walk around 2 kilometres.

Quantifier and unit agreement: '2 kilometre' needs plural 'kilometres'. Also include 'around' placement is acceptable but ensure pluralization. For clarity, you could say 'about 2 kilometres'. Suggestion: Use plural form for units greater than one and consider 'about' for approximation.

× We can also do.

✓ We can also do many activities there.

Incomplete sentence missing an object or complement; 'do' needs an object (do what?). Complete the sentence by specifying what can be done, e.g., 'many activities there'. Suggestion: Ensure every sentence has a verb and a clear object or complement; avoid leaving verbs without objects.