Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more natural: start with a direct topic sentence, correct grammar and choose precise vocabulary. Limit to max 3–4 sentences and give a specific detail (where/when/how you went). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my father to practice riding my bicycle because there was a safe paved path near our house. I remember going almost every weekend, which helped me become confident on two wheels.

提案: Answer directly, fix grammar (don’t split short sentences awkwardly) and give a brief reason with specific time examples. Use linking words such as 'because' and 'however' if adding contrast.

例: To be honest, I don't go to parks much these days because I am very busy with work and study. I usually only have free time on Sundays, so I prefer to rest at home or meet friends nearby instead.

提案: Be consistent and clear about your opinion. If you disagree, say why with logical reasons and specific details. Use linking words ('because', 'however', 'although') and avoid contradictory short fragments.

例: I would actually like to see more parks in the city because they provide green space and places for people of all ages to exercise. Even though there may be fewer children in some areas, parks still benefit adults, the elderly, and community events.

提案: Give a clear, specific answer: name the type of park or a real park, correct vocabulary (avoid wrong words like 'pneumonia') and describe what attracts you using 1–2 supporting details. Keep it concise and natural.

例: Yes, I would love to visit a flower park in the future, especially one with large sunflower and tulip displays. I think it would be beautiful for photography and a peaceful place to walk and relax.

× When I was a child I was extra extra partial person, so I often went to the park with my father to practice bicycle.

✓ When I was a child I was an especially partial person, so I often went to the park with my father to practice bicycling.

The student used 'extra extra' which is informal and incorrect; 'especially' is the appropriate adverb (type 13). Also 'partial' is odd but kept; the phrase 'to practice bicycle' is incorrect because 'bicycle' is a noun and the activity should be expressed with the gerund 'bicycling' (type 8). Use the article 'an' before a vowel sound ('an especially'). Suggestion: replace 'extra extra' with 'especially' and change 'to practice bicycle' to 'to practice bicycling'.

× To be honest with you. I don't really like go to the parks because I'm very busy and I don't have to time have time.

✓ To be honest with you, I don't really like going to parks because I'm very busy and I don't have time.

The original had a fragment 'To be honest with you.' that should attach to the main clause (type 26). 'Like go' is incorrect; 'like' followed by a verb requires the -ing form 'going' (type 8). 'The parks' is unnecessary generic article; use 'parks' (type 22). The phrase 'I don't have to time have time' is repetition and 'to' is wrong; correct is 'I don't have time'. Combine clauses with a comma, use 'going', remove extra words, and fix the article and repetition.

× No, I think so because. Nowadays there are fewer children. The number of children I don't need.

✓ No, I don't think so because nowadays there are fewer children and we don't need more parks for them.

The student's reply is disfluent and has quantifier and sentence structure issues (type 14 and 26). 'No, I think so because.' is contradictory and the clause is incomplete. 'Fewer children' is acceptable but the following sentence 'The number of children I don't need.' is ungrammatical and unclear. Clarify intended meaning: likely 'we don't need more parks because there are fewer children.' Suggestion: make a complete sentence linking ideas and use 'we don't need more parks' to express the quantifier idea.

× MMM, yes. I want to go for a parks such as there are sunflower, Tulip or pneumonia.

✓ Mm, yes. I want to go to parks with sunflowers and tulips.

Multiple article and word choice errors (type 22). 'Go for a parks' mixes preposition and plural form; correct is 'go to parks' or 'go to a park'. 'Such as there are sunflower, Tulip or pneumonia' has incorrect noun forms and an irrelevant word 'pneumonia' (a disease). Use plural flower names 'sunflowers' and 'tulips' and remove inappropriate words. Also capitalize only proper nouns if needed. Suggestion: say 'parks with sunflowers and tulips' or specify a particular park.