Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar (past tense and subject-verb agreement), reduce hesitations and repetitions, and make the response more concise. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. For example, use past tense (“asked”, “had”) and avoid filler words like “you know” and repeated words.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often asked my mother to take me because the playgrounds had many toys and I could run around and make friends with other children.

提案: Clarify tense and structure, remove fillers, and link ideas smoothly. Start with a direct topic sentence, then contrast past and present with a linking word (e.g., “now” or “unlike before”). Use correct verb forms and keep it to two to three sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. Unlike when I was younger and went there to play, I now go to read books and take walks to enjoy the fresh air after an exhausting day.

提案: Use clearer sentence structure and more precise vocabulary. State your opinion, then give one specific reason with linking phrases (e.g., “because” or “as”). Correct noun phrases (e.g., “children and adults”) and avoid fillers like “umm.”

例: Yes, I would. Parks are not only places for children and adults to relax and play, but they also provide green spaces that help maintain fresh air in the city.

提案: Make reasons specific and grammatically correct, avoid slang and fillers, and organize thoughts logically. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the park or type of park, then explain why with precise details (e.g., wildlife species). Use correct expressions (“wildlife left” not “half the wildlife anymore”).

例: Yes, I hope to visit a wildlife park in the future because there is less wildlife where I live now. As a nature lover, I would love to see kangaroos and koalas in their natural habitats and watch how they behave.

× When I was a little girl, I often ask my mom to take me to the park because it have many, you know, toys and I can run around and make make friends with other people.

✓ When I was a little girl, I often asked my mom to take me to the park because it had many, you know, toys, and I could run around and make friends with other children.

Multiple verbs should be in the past tense to match 'When I was a little girl'. 'ask' should be 'asked' and 'have' should be 'had'. Also 'can' should be 'could' to reflect past ability. Use 'children' instead of 'other people' for natural collocation. Suggestion: Put verbs into past tense consistently and use more natural nouns like 'children' in this context.

× Yes I do umm unlike when I work try I often go to the park for playing.

✓ Yes, I do. Unlike when I was working or studying, I used to often go to the park to play.

The original mixes tenses and contains unclear words 'work try'. To contrast past habit with present, use past continuous or 'was working/studying' and 'used to' or past simple for habitual actions. 'for playing' is awkward; use 'to play'. Suggestion: Clarify the contrasting time frame and choose consistent tense forms ('used to', 'was working').

× Now I'm go to the park to like reading a book and also walking around.

✓ Now I go to the park to read a book and to walk around.

'I'm go' is incorrect; use 'I go' for a habitual present action. 'to like reading' is informal and ungrammatical here; use infinitives 'to read' and 'to walk'. Keep parallel structure for activities. Suggestion: Use simple present for regular habits and parallel infinitives for multiple activities.

× Enjoy the fresh air after an exhausting day.

✓ I enjoy the fresh air after an exhausting day.

This fragment lacks a subject and auxiliary; add subject 'I' and verb 'enjoy' to make a full sentence that fits the context. Suggestion: Ensure sentences have an explicit subject and verb.

× You know what UMM park is not only a place for children adult to play and relax, it also play.

✓ You know, a park is not only a place for children and adults to play and relax; it is also a place for other activities.

Original has missing conjunction 'and' between 'children' and 'adult' and uses singular 'park' awkwardly. 'it also play' is incorrect; use 'it is also' plus noun phrase. Adjust wording for clarity and correct adjective/noun forms. Suggestion: Use 'children and adults' and complete clauses with proper verbs ('it is also').

× It's also a green area in the cities that have umm maintained the fresh air.

✓ It's also a green area in the city that helps maintain fresh air.

Use singular 'city' to match context, and 'maintain' should be active 'helps maintain' rather than 'have maintained'. 'maintained the fresh air' is awkward; 'maintain fresh air' is clearer. Suggestion: Use 'helps maintain' for purpose and match singular/plural nouns correctly.

× Yes, I have a dream part that I wanna go to in the future because it's half the wildlife anymore here.

✓ Yes, I have a dream park that I want to go to in the future because there is much more wildlife there.

Typographical 'part' should be 'park'. 'wanna' is informal; use 'want to'. Phrase 'it's half the wildlife anymore here' is ungrammatical; express comparison clearly: 'there is much more wildlife there.' Use 'there is' to state existence. Suggestion: Use standard forms ('want to') and clear existential constructions ('there is/are') when describing presence of wildlife.

× And you know what? I'm a nature's lover.

✓ And you know what? I'm a nature lover.

'a nature's lover' incorrectly uses possessive; the correct noun phrase is 'a nature lover' or 'a lover of nature'. Suggestion: Use 'a nature lover' or 'a lover of nature' for natural phrasing.

× So I really love seeing the kangaroo and also the koala in their, uh, habitats, how they are active and also enjoy.

✓ So I really love seeing kangaroos and koalas in their habitats, watching how they are active and how they enjoy themselves.

Use plural 'kangaroos and koalas' for general statements. 'how they are active and also enjoy' is incomplete; use gerund phrases 'watching how they are active' and reflexive 'enjoy themselves'. Suggestion: Use plural nouns for generalizations and complete gerund clauses with clear objects or reflexive pronouns.