Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and verb forms (e.g., ‘I liked’), remove fillers (uh), and add one specific supporting detail. Use a linking phrase if needed.

例: Yes, I liked going to parks as a child. They made me feel refreshed and lifted my mood, especially when I was feeling sad because I could run around and play with friends.

提案: Correct plural forms and awkward phrases, reduce repetition, and avoid unnatural words (e.g., ‘blessed’, ‘hostel’). Use linking words to show contrast and a specific example of what you do there.

例: Yes, absolutely. I still enjoy going to parks, though I don't visit them as often as I did when I was younger. They are a great place to unwind and, for example, I often sit by a pond and read to clear my head and recharge.

提案: Use accurate grammar and clearer reasoning. Avoid vague phrases and use specific benefits with correct comparative forms (e.g., ‘cleaner air’). Include a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I would. More parks would help reduce the city's carbon footprint and improve air quality, and they would also give students a quiet place to relax and study outdoors.

提案: Clarify meaning and fix pronoun and tense mistakes. Remove hesitations and express one clear plan with a specific reason or example. Keep it brief (1–3 sentences).

例: Yes, I would like to visit the new riverside park with my family. I prefer going with them because family trips make memories more special, and the park has picnic areas that are perfect for us.

× Yes, I really like going to parks as a child because it's make me feel motivated and can be a refreshing for me, uh, whenever I'm sad.

✓ Yes, I really liked going to parks as a child because they made me feel motivated and could be refreshing for me whenever I was sad.

The sentence mixes present and past contexts. The question asks about childhood (past), so verbs should be past tense: 'like' -> 'liked', 'it's make' is ungrammatical and should be 'they made'. Also plural agreement: 'parks' -> 'they'. 'Can be a refreshing for me' uses article and form errors; use 'could be refreshing for me'. Remove filler words and use consistent past tense to match the time reference. Suggestion: Decide the time frame (past) and change verbs and modal accordingly.

× Yes, absolutely. I still enjoy going to park and I don't visit visit them as frequently as I did when I was younger.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I still enjoy going to parks, but I don't visit them as frequently as I did when I was younger.

'Going to park' needs plural or definite article: 'going to parks' or 'going to the park'. The sentence contrasts present habit with past frequency, so present simple 'enjoy' and 'don't visit' are fine. Removed duplicated 'visit'. Added conjunction 'but' for contrast. Suggestion: Use correct noun phrase 'parks' or 'the park' and avoid word repetition.

× I find them again blessed to unwind and escape the hostel and bustle of everyday life.

✓ I find them a good place to unwind and escape the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

'Find them again blessed' is ungrammatical and 'hostel' is incorrect word choice; correct phrase is 'hustle and bustle'. Use noun phrase 'a good place' to express function of parks. 'Find them a good place' matches subject-verb-object structure. Suggestion: Use common collocation 'hustle and bustle' and clear noun phrases like 'a good place'.

× Uh, whenever I have some free time I usually go to park to clear my head and recharge my battery.

✓ Whenever I have some free time, I usually go to the park to clear my head and recharge my batteries.

'Go to park' needs article 'the' or plural 'parks'; 'recharge my battery' is idiomatic plural 'recharge my batteries'. Added comma for readability. Tense and aspect are correct (present habit). Suggestion: Use 'the park' for a habitual destination and idiomatic plural 'batteries'.

× Yes, I would like to see many more Park in my city because it's a away to reduce carbon footprint and make the air become more cleaner.

✓ Yes, I would like to see many more parks in my city because it's a way to reduce our carbon footprint and make the air cleaner.

Capitalization 'Park' should be lowercase; 'many more Park' needs plural 'parks'. 'A away' should be 'a way'. 'Make the air become more cleaner' is redundant and ungrammatical; use 'make the air cleaner'. Added 'our' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: Use plural nouns, correct articles, and avoid redundant comparative forms like 'more cleaner'.

× And park is a great place for students to recharge their battery and, uh, clear the head.

✓ And parks are a great place for students to recharge their batteries and clear their heads.

'Park' should be plural 'parks' or 'the park'; subject-verb agreement requires 'parks are'. 'Recharge their battery' and 'clear the head' need plural and possessive: 'their batteries' and 'their heads'. Suggestion: Ensure noun number matches verb and use possessive pronouns for body/metaphorical parts.

× Yes, uh, I really want you, uh, going to park in the future, but with my family, I uh, refer more because family make uh, every memory become memorable and park is uh, I an ideal place to go.

✓ Yes, I really want to go to parks in the future with my family because I prefer that; family makes every memory memorable, and parks are an ideal place to go.

Original contains multiple errors: 'I really want you, uh, going' should be 'I really want to go'; 'going to park' needs article/plural 'go to parks'; 'I refer more' likely intends 'I prefer that'; subject-verb agreement 'family make' -> 'family makes'; 'every memory become memorable' should be 'every memory memorable' or 'make every memory memorable'; 'park is uh, I an ideal place' corrected to 'parks are an ideal place'. Suggestion: Simplify and reorganize the sentence: use infinitive 'to go', correct verb agreement, and choose clear verbs like 'prefer' and 'make'.