Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and use past tense consistently. Remove fillers (uh) and make grammar natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail. Try: “Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child.” Then support it with a brief reason or memory using linking words like because or so.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child because my parents would take time off work to play with me. For example, we often had picnics and I remember learning to ride a bike there, so the parks feel very nostalgic.

提案: Use present tense and clearer structure: a topic sentence plus concise reasons connected by linking words (but, because, so). Avoid repetition and filler words. Keep it within 2–4 sentences and use plural/singular correctly (I am busy with assignments).

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks, but I rarely go because I am now a university student with heavy coursework. Therefore, I usually spend my free time studying or meeting classmates instead of visiting parks.

提案: Answer directly then give one clear reason. Use correct tense and smoother linking: for example, “I would like more parks, but my city already has many.” Avoid repetition and fix grammar (I don't have time).

例: I would like to see more parks, although my city already has many well-kept parks. However, even with more parks, I still find it difficult to visit them regularly because of my busy schedule.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and a specific alternative with reasons. Use correct verb agreement (parks seem) and avoid fillers. Add one concrete example of an activity you prefer to show specificity.

例: Not really — parks seem quite ordinary to me, and I prefer places with more activities. For instance, I often choose cafés to meet friends or cinemas to watch new films because those venues offer social interaction and entertainment.

× Yeah, of course I like to go to park as a child cause it feels like my parents will, uh, free up their times to like accompany me when they're free.

✓ Yeah, of course I liked going to parks as a child because it felt like my parents would free up their time to accompany me when they were free.

Tense and verb form: The question asks about the past (as a child), so use past tense 'liked' and 'felt' not present. Number and article: 'go to park' should be 'going to parks' (plural or 'the park'); 'times' should be 'time' (uncountable in this context). Modal and sequence: 'will' is inappropriate for past context; use 'would'. Remove filler 'to like' and redundant 'when they're free' -> 'when they were free'. Suggestions: Use past tense consistently for past experiences, use 'time' not 'times', and avoid filler words like 'like'.

× I still like going to parks now, but I don't think that I have much time 'cause as I'm, uh, 'cause as the time goes by. I'm growing up and I'm currently a university student now, so I'm, uh, busying with my like assignments, uh, studies project. So I don't have really much time to go to the parks.

✓ I still like going to parks now, but I don't have much time because as time goes by I'm growing up and I'm currently a university student, so I'm busy with my assignments and projects. So I don't really have much time to go to parks.

Tense and wording: Maintain present tense 'I still like' and use 'don't have' instead of 'don't think that I have much time' for clarity. Remove redundant phrases ('as I'm, uh, 'cause as'). 'As the time goes by' should be 'as time goes by'. 'Busying with' is incorrect; use 'busy with'. Combine 'assignments, studies project' to 'assignments and projects'. Article and plural: 'to the parks' can be 'to parks' here; avoid unnecessary 'the'. Suggestions: Eliminate fillers, use correct collocations ('busy with'), and keep sentence structure concise.

× Yeah, of course. But I think my city already had a lot of parks, but I just, it just that I don't have times to go to the parks to spend my time.

✓ Yeah, of course. But I think my city already has a lot of parks, but I just don't have time to go to the parks to spend my time.

Tense: Use present perfect or present tense 'already has' for a current state, not past 'had'. Article and quantifier: 'don't have times' is incorrect; use 'don't have time' (uncountable). Redundancy: Remove duplicated 'I just, it just'. Suggestions: Use 'has' for current facts and 'time' (uncountable), and avoid repeating phrases.

× I don't really have any parks that I want to visit in the future because parks seems, uh, pretty ordinary to me and I prefer to spend my time, uh, at cafe or cinemas where there are more activities.

✓ I don't really have any parks that I want to visit in the future because parks seem pretty ordinary to me, and I prefer to spend my time at cafes or cinemas where there are more activities.

Subject-verb agreement: 'parks seems' is incorrect; plural subject 'parks' takes 'seem'. Article and number: 'at cafe or cinemas' should be 'at cafes or cinemas' (plural) or 'at a cafe or the cinema'. Tense and wording: 'I don't really have any parks that I want to visit in the future' is acceptable, but keep consistent present/future meaning. Suggestions: Match verb to plural subject, use plural nouns for general statements, and remove filler 'uh'.