Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cümle yapısını düzeltin ve gereksiz tekrarları azaltın. Şimdiki ve geçmiş zaman karışıklığını giderin; örneğin geçmişteki alışkanlıklardan bahsederken simple past veya used to kullanın. Ayrıca dolgu kelimeleri (uh, like) azaltarak daha akıcı konuşun. Daha spesifik bir anı ekleyerek cevabı zenginleştirin.

例: Yes, I used to go to the park with my mother almost every weekend when I was a child. I have many home videos of us playing on the swings and having picnics, so those visits were some of my happiest memories.

提案: Cümleleri daha kısa ve net kurun; çelişkili ifadeleri düzeltin (ör. 'I still like it, but I don't enjoy it as much' gibi). Bağlaçları düzgün kullanarak mantıklı bir akış oluşturun. Ayrıca aktivitelerden birkaç spesifik örnek verin (ör. walking, picnics) ve dolgu kelimelerini azaltın.

例: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks, but not as much as when I was a child. Nowadays I usually go with friends to walk, have a small picnic, or relax on a bench when the weather is nice.

提案: Daha düzenli bir yapı kullanın: kısa bir ana cümleyle fikrinizi belirtin, ardından nedenleri ve örnekleri bağlaçlarla sıralayın. 'Like' tekrarından kaçının ve 'abroad' yerine 'in other countries' gibi daha doğal ifadeler tercih edin. Spesifik özellikler (lakes, trails, events) verin.

例: Yes, I would. Our city mostly has small playgrounds, but I would love to see larger parks with lakes, walking trails and even small wildlife areas. In other countries, parks often host concerts and markets, which would make local parks much more attractive.

提案: Daha net bir cevap verin: eğer belirli bir park bilmiyorsanız, bu durumu kısaca söyleyip hangi tür parklara gitmek istediğinizi belirtin. Geleceğe yönelik plan veya niyet cümleleri (I would like to / I hope to) kullanın ve gereksiz tekrarları azaltın.

例: I don't know many specific parks around the world, but I would love to visit large national parks with diverse landscapes, such as places with mountains, lakes and forests. I hope to travel to such parks in the next few years to experience their scenery.

× Yeah, I always going to park with my mom since I was born.

✓ Yeah, I always went to the park with my mom since I was born.

The original sentence omits the auxiliary 'was' or a proper past tense verb; 'always going' is incorrect here. Use the simple past 'went' to match 'since I was born' as a period meaning 'from childhood' or better, use 'ever since I was born I went' but simplest correction is 'I always went'. Also add the definite article 'the' before 'park'. Improve by saying 'I always went to the park with my mom when I was a child.' Note: Use past simple for habitual actions in the past; 'always' with past simple is acceptable.

× I have lots of uh, videos at park and enjoying the time and yeah, it's it was such a great experience.

✓ I have lots of videos of the park and enjoyed the time, and yeah, it was such a great experience.

Use 'of' not 'at' to indicate the subject of the videos ('videos of the park'). 'Enjoying the time' mixes tenses; change to past 'enjoyed' to match 'it was such a great experience.' Remove filler 'it's'. For clarity, break into two clauses: 'I have lots of videos of the park and enjoyed the time.'

× I have lots of uh, videos at park and enjoying the time and yeah, it's it was such a great experience.

✓ I have lots of videos of the park and enjoyed the time, and yeah, it was such a great experience.

The sentence mixes present perfect ('I have') with present participle 'enjoying' and a past reference 'was'. Change 'enjoying' to past 'enjoyed' to maintain consistent past narration. Keep 'I have lots of videos' (present possession) but make the action past.

× I have lots of uh, videos at park and enjoying the time and yeah, it's it was such a great experience.

✓ I have lots of videos of the park and enjoyed the time, and yeah, it was such a great experience.

The phrase 'it's it was' is redundant and inconsistent. Use a single past verb 'it was' for a past experience. Ensure verbs agree with the intended tense and subject.

× Yeah, I still like it, but I don't enjoy like that times.

✓ Yeah, I still like it, but I don't enjoy it like I did then.

'Like that times' is ungrammatical. Use pronoun 'it' and compare present to past with 'like I did then.' Maintain present tense 'don't enjoy' and reference past enjoyment with past tense 'did.'

× But yeah, I still go and just have fun and like stay around and good weather and spend time with my friends, but we generally just sit and watch around.

✓ But yeah, I still go and just have fun, stay around in good weather, and spend time with my friends, but we generally just sit and look around.

Use 'in good weather' rather than 'and good weather'. 'Watch around' is incorrect; use 'look around.' Remove extra 'and' and streamline coordination of verbs.

× Yeah, I like to see because we only have like child parks, but I like to see bigger parks like with lakes and maybe some animals and like more places to walk and like I mean in abroad some people give concerts at parks.

✓ Yeah, I'd like to see more because we only have small children's parks, but I'd like bigger parks with lakes, maybe some animals, and more places to walk. I mean, abroad some people have concerts in parks.

Use conditional 'I'd like' (I would like) to express desire. 'Child parks' is nonstandard; use 'children's parks' or 'small children's parks.' 'In abroad' is incorrect preposition; use 'abroad' or 'in other countries.' 'Give concerts at parks' is acceptable but 'have concerts in parks' is more natural. Reduce repeated 'like' and use gerunds appropriately.

× Yeah, I like to see because we only have like child parks, but I like to see bigger parks like with lakes and maybe some animals and like more places to walk and like I mean in abroad some people give concerts at parks. I like to have and go that.

✓ Yeah, I'd like to see more because we only have small children's parks, but I'd like bigger parks with lakes, maybe some animals, and more places to walk. I mean, abroad some people have concerts in parks. I'd like to go to such parks.

'I like to have and go that' is ungrammatical; express desire with 'I'd like to go to such parks.' Use 'small children's parks' for correct adjective-noun order and possessive form. 'Like' is overused; use clearer phrases.

× I don't have that much information about parks, like I mean, especially worldwide, but yeah, I like to go bigger places to see it and it will be such a great experience.

✓ I don't have much information about parks worldwide, but yeah, I'd like to visit bigger places to see them and it would be such a great experience.

Use 'much information' not 'that much information' optionally; place 'worldwide' correctly. 'I like to go bigger places to see it' is wrong—use 'I'd like to visit bigger places to see them.' Change 'will be' to conditional 'would be' to match the hypothetical/desire. Ensure plural agreement 'them' for 'places.'