Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答有主题句，但句子结构和连贯性较差，存在语法错误、重复用词和不必要的信息（如最后一句与主题不符）。建议：1) 用一到两句清晰表达主要观点（肯定或否定）；2) 使用连词（because, so, and）将支持细节连贯起来；3) 注意时态和语法（例如动词形式和冠词），避免重复。练习时把答案控制在3–4句内并紧扣问题。

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because I enjoyed being surrounded by trees and plants. I often went with my family and we would watch birds, climb trees and learn about nature. Those visits made me feel relaxed and excited.

提案: 回答总体清晰且相关，但有几处表达不自然或词语搭配错误（如 "melts away my worries" 可接受但略口语；"What's born through quiet atmosphere" 不通顺）。建议：1) 用更自然的短语和完整句子表达原因；2) 使用逻辑连接词（for example, because, so）使句子更连贯；3) 保持句子简洁，不重复相同含义。

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and forget my worries. I often go for a walk in the quiet atmosphere, which calms me down and improves my mood. That's why I visit parks whenever I need a break.

提案: 回答观点明确但语法和词汇错误较多，且有许多不自然表达（如 "building up more parks are" 主谓不一致；"inner pace" 应为 "inner peace"；最后一句意思不清）。建议：1) 注意主谓一致和固定搭配；2) 用具体理由并给出例子；3) 用清晰的连接词（for example, because）组织观点；4) 避免使用不准确或拼写错误的词。

例: Yes, I would. I think more parks would benefit the city because they provide quiet places away from noisy streets. For example, parks give residents space to exercise, relax and meet friends, which improves people’s health and well-being.

提案: 回答包含相关信息但存在语法错误和冗余（如 'choose to the park'、'super convenience'、无关词 'Hansel'）。建议：1) 用一到两句直接回答并给出两点具体理由；2) 注意形容词和名词搭配（convenient 而不是 convenience）；3) 删去无关或混乱的词；4) 使用连接词（first, second, because）增强逻辑性。

例: Yes, there is a park near my house that I plan to visit often. First, it is very close and convenient, so I can go regularly. Second, I have fond memories of walking there with my family every weekend, so it feels comfortable and familiar.

× Umm, I'd have to say I was definitely drawn to going to parks. Was a child.

✓ Umm, I'd have to say I was definitely drawn to going to parks when I was a child.

句子断开成两个片段，导致缺少连贯的从句结构。应将“Was a child”与前句合并，补全主语和谓语，形成完整的时间状语从句："when I was a child"。

× I found them really exciting because there's something about. Surrounding by green plants that can makes makes people relaxed.

✓ I found them really exciting because there's something about being surrounded by green plants that can make people relaxed.

原句中断句并且介词和动名词使用不当。应使用短语"being surrounded by"表示“被……包围”，动词“make”在从句中用原形而不是“makes makes”。同时去掉多余的句号以保持句子连贯。

× I used to go every night with my family and we would watching birds, climbing trees and learning about nature.

✓ I used to go every night with my family and we would watch birds, climb trees and learn about nature.

在表示过去习惯时使用"would + 动词原形"，但原句把动词误写为现在分词（watching, climbing, learning）。应改为动词原形以符合过去习惯表达。

× Thus I have to admit sometime I prefer driving.

✓ Thus I have to admit sometimes I prefer driving.

副词复数形式错误，应该使用"sometimes"而非"sometime"来表示“有时”。

× Well, honestly, I'm really into going to the park. The main reason is that it melts away my worries.

✓ Well, honestly, I'm really into going to the park because it melts away my worries.

原文将原因分为独立句，显得不够连贯。将原因作为主句的从属部分合并，更符合英语表达习惯。

× What's born through quiet atmosphere I can settle my mood.

✓ What's born from the quiet atmosphere is that I can settle my mood.

短语"born through"不自然，应使用"born from"或重构句子。同时原句缺少系动词，使句子不完整，需加"is that"来引出结果。

× That's why I always enjoy it so much.

✓ That's why I always enjoy it so much.

该句语法正确，无需修改。保留原句。

× Yes, I really like it. From my perspective, building up more parks are beneficial to people.

✓ Yes, I really like it. From my perspective, building more parks is beneficial to people.

主语"building more parks"是单数概念（动名词短语），谓语应使用单数形式"is"，同时"building up"在此处多余，使用"building"更自然。

× The primary reason is that free from noisy crowds and extremely tranquil atmosphere.

✓ The primary reason is that parks are free from noisy crowds and have an extremely tranquil atmosphere.

原句缺少主语和谓语，使从句不完整。需要明确主语（parks）并对两个并列描述分别使用适当的谓语结构："are free"和"have"。

× Plus it exerts a huge influence on residents to bring inner pace.

✓ Plus it has a huge influence on residents in bringing inner peace.

动词"exerts...to bring"结构不自然，应改为"has an influence on ... in doing"或使用"helps residents find inner peace"。同时"pace" (节奏) 用错，应为"peace"（平静）。

× That's exactly why I never give up sporting to expand park areas.

✓ That's exactly why I never give up supporting efforts to expand park areas.

原句中"give up sporting"搭配不当且意思不清。应使用"give up supporting"或更自然的表达"support efforts to expand"。

× Oh yeah, there is a park near my home, so I will probably go here quite often in the future.

✓ Oh yeah, there is a park near my home, so I will probably go there quite often in the future.

指示代词使用不当，不能用"here"（这里）指代将去的地点，应该用"there"。

× There are two key reasons I choose to the park.

✓ There are two key reasons I choose the park.

动词"choose"后不接介词"to"加地点名词，直接说"choose the park"。如果要表达“去公园”，可用"choose to go to the park"。

× Sure, it's really close to my home and super convenience.

✓ Sure, it's really close to my home and super convenient.

形容词/副词用错，描述事物属性应使用形容词"convenient"而不是名词/副词形式"convenience"。

× For another crucial point, I used to go every weekend with my family and we will take a walk together.

✓ For another crucial point, I used to go every weekend with my family and we would take a walk together.

句中谈到过去的习惯，应该用过去式/过去习惯表达（"used to" 或 "would"），而不是将过去与将来时混用（"will"）。因此用"would"或保持过去式一致。

× Hansel, I see it as a good choice.

✓ Overall, I see it as a good choice.

句首的"Hansel"似为拼写或插入错误，导致意义不明。将其改为合适的衔接词如"Overall"以表达总结语气。