Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise, correct grammar, and add a brief specific example. Begin with a clear topic sentence, use one linking phrase, and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I enjoyed being surrounded by trees and flowers because it felt peaceful, and I often played games on the grass with my friends, which made those visits memorable.

提案: Clarify tense and grammar, reduce redundancy, and organize ideas with linking words. Start with a topic sentence, then give one or two concise supporting details (reason and a brief example of what you do there).

例: Yes, I still like going to parks because they help me relax during stressful times. For example, when I was in my final undergraduate year I often sat in the park to read and clear my mind before applying for my master's degrees.

提案: Fix grammar and repetition, use a clear topic sentence and a linking phrase to give a specific reason or example. Avoid repeating words and ensure subject-verb agreement.

例: I don't think we need many more parks because my hometown already has well-developed parks. For instance, the main park near the city centre is large and popular with both residents and tourists.

提案: Be direct and remove fillers. Provide a clear preference and one specific reason or example. Use linking words (e.g., because, so) and correct article use (a tropical park).

例: I haven't thought about it much before, but I would like to visit a tropical park in the future because I've never lived in a tropical area and I'm curious to see its plants and wildlife.

× Yes of course, because parks are full of nature and like trees and other plants I feel more relaxing compared to the human made buildings.

✓ Yes, of course. Parks are full of nature, such as trees and other plants, and I feel more relaxed compared to being near man-made buildings.

The sentence has several preposition and word-form issues: 'like trees' should be 'such as trees' to introduce examples; 'more relaxing' is incorrect because the speaker is describing their own state (adjective 'relaxed' not present participle 'relaxing'); 'compared to the human made buildings' should be 'compared to being near man-made buildings' to use the correct prepositional phrase and hyphenate 'man-made'. Also add commas for clarity.

× Yes because I'm for struggle actually when I'm in the final year of my undergraduate because I'm facing the graduation of my bachelor and also I'm applying the master so I'm really busy so I do need a place to relaxing and park is definitely the perfect place for me.

✓ Yes, because I was struggling during the final year of my undergraduate degree: I faced graduation and was applying for a master's program, so I was really busy and needed a place to relax. Parks were definitely the perfect place for me.

This answer mixes present and past tenses and has incorrect verb forms and prepositions. The event is in the past, so use past tense ('was struggling', 'faced', 'was applying', 'needed'). 'The graduation of my bachelor' is awkward; use 'graduation' or 'completing my bachelor's degree'. 'Applying the master' should be 'applying for a master's program'. 'To relaxing' is wrong; use the infinitive 'to relax'. Also make 'park' plural or 'parks' and adjust determiners: 'Parks were definitely the perfect place'.

× Actually, I think my my hometown's parks is already enough because my city is a famous famous tourist attraction, have many famous tourist attraction and the parks are well developed.

✓ Actually, I think my hometown's parks are already sufficient because my city is a famous tourist destination, has many attractions, and the parks are well developed.

Errors include subject-verb agreement: 'parks is' should be 'parks are'. Repetition 'my my' and duplicate 'famous' should be fixed. 'Tourist attraction' is countable; refer to the city as a 'tourist destination' and use plural 'attractions'. Use 'have'→'has' for the singular subject 'my city'.

× To be honest, I never have some imagination of this kind of question before, but I do think if I umm, if I want to visit some parts that will be umm, more like tropical one because I've never lived in the tropical area.

✓ To be honest, I had never imagined this kind of question before, but I think that if I wanted to visit somewhere, I would choose a more tropical place because I've never lived in a tropical area.

The original has awkward structure, incorrect tense, and incorrect article use. 'I never have some imagination of' should be 'I had never imagined'. For hypothetical future preference, use conditional structure: 'if I wanted ... I would choose'. 'Some parts' and 'more like tropical one' are vague; use 'somewhere' and 'a more tropical place'. 'The tropical area' should be 'a tropical area' (article error). Adjusted tenses maintain coherence.