Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate, concise, and use a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Correct tense (past) and use natural phrases (e.g., “my parents used to take me on weekends”). Avoid filler words like “ah” and limit to 3–4 short sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents used to take me on weekends, and I spent hours on the swings and slides with my cousin. Those visits were special because we played games and had picnics together.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence in present tense, avoid repetition, and be specific about how your park visits have changed (who you go with, activities you do). Use linking words (for example, but/although) to contrast past and present. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now, although my visits are different. I usually go with friends rather than family, and we jog, play football or sit and chat instead of using the swings.

提案: Answer directly and add a specific reason and possible benefit. Use natural phrasing and avoid repetition (e.g., don’t repeat “to”). Mention one concrete improvement you’d like to see to strengthen the response.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide safe places to relax and exercise. For example, new parks with playgrounds and walking paths would make it easier for friends and families to meet and enjoy outdoor activities.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence. If you say you have no specific park in mind, explain why briefly and give a suggestion or contrast (e.g., what kind of park you would like to visit). Avoid vague language like “like” and “really”.

例: I don't have a particular park I plan to visit, because the local parks are quite dull and lack facilities. I would like to visit a park with beautiful gardens and sports facilities in the future, as that would be more interesting.

× Ah yes, I like going to parks as a child because I can play swings and slides there with my cousin and my parents usually bought me there at weekend.

✓ Ah yes, I liked going to parks as a child because I could play on the swings and slides there with my cousin, and my parents usually took me there on weekends.

The sentence mixes present tense 'like' with past-time reference 'as a child'; use past tense 'liked'. Modal/ability 'can' should be past 'could'. Use correct verbs: 'play on the swings', 'took me there'. Use preposition 'on weekends' for habitual past events. Also add a comma before 'and' for clarity.

× Yeah, I still like going to parks now because it's just like it's fun and I just like to play with swing slides and everything, but I just prepare, prefer to play with friends or yeah, like cousin and other things.

✓ Yeah, I still like going to parks now because it's fun, and I like to play on the swings and slides and everything, but I prefer to go with friends or my cousin.

Remove unnecessary filler 'it's just like it's' and use simple present 'it's fun'. Use 'play on the swings and slides' with correct preposition and plural nouns. 'Prefer' already expresses preference; no need for 'just prepare'. Simplify and correct pronoun 'my cousin'. Correct word order for clarity.

× Yes, I would like to to see more parks in my city so I can hang out together with my friends or my cousin there and it will be very fun.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city so I can hang out with my friends or my cousin there; it would be very fun.

Remove duplicate 'to'. Use 'hang out with' (correct preposition). Match conditional tone: 'would be' is better than 'will be' after 'would like'. Replace 'together with' by 'with' for natural phrasing. Use semicolon or period to separate clauses.

× I don't really have any parks that I will go to in the future because the parks in my city are like really boring and not fun.

✓ I don't really have any parks that I plan to go to in the future because the parks in my city are really boring and not fun.

Using 'will go to' is grammatically acceptable but sounds unnatural; use 'plan to go to' for intention. Remove filler 'like'. Keep present simple 'are' to describe current state. Ensure parallel adjectives 'boring and not fun' is acceptable; consider 'uninteresting' as alternative.