Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your response is natural and answers the question, but it is a bit repetitive and contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (tense consistency, word order). To improve, give a clear topic sentence in one line, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense usage (past simple) and avoid repetition. Keep the response under 5 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, after school I usually went to the local park from 7:00 to 8:00 pm to play football with my friends, which helped me burn off energy and make close friends.

提案: Good content and personal feeling, but the answer is somewhat disorganized and contains repetition and some awkward phrases ("peace of my mind", "kids plays"). Improve by using clear topic sentence, concise supporting details with linking words (e.g., because, so), and accurate expressions ("peace of mind"). Keep to 3–4 sentences and finish the thought cleanly.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but now I go to relax rather than to play. For instance, after a hectic day I often sit on a bench and watch children playing because it helps me clear my mind and unwind.

提案: The answer directly addresses the question and gives reasons, but it is slightly repetitive and informal ("uh", incomplete final sentence). Improve by stating your opinion clearly, then provide two concise and specific reasons using linking words (e.g., because, therefore). Avoid filler words and complete your final sentence.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they reduce crowding and provide children with space for different games. For example, with more parks, families could visit nearby green spaces instead of all gathering in the same playground.

提案: You answer the question and give a specific example, which is good. Improve by making the response more concise and using smoother linking phrases (e.g., "for example", "because"). Correct small grammar issues ("I will surely visit" is fine but streamline). Limit to 2–3 sentences and provide a brief reason why you want to visit.

例: Yes, I want to visit several parks in the future. For example, Kakadiya Talav in Ahmedabad is famous for its lakeside views, so if I visit Gujarat I will definitely go there to enjoy the scenery and take photos.

× Yeah, I always love to go to parks as a child because I was very restless and I loved to play with my friends.

✓ Yeah, I always loved going to parks as a child because I was very restless and I loved playing with my friends.

The sentence mixes present tense 'always love' with past context 'as a child'. Use past tense 'loved' and gerund 'going' and 'playing' for habitual past actions. Improve by keeping tense consistent and using gerunds after 'love/loved' when referring to activities.

× Even when I was small, I was always in parks after I went to school, after my school time, I just went from 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM to park every day and just played all the time with my friends and.

✓ Even when I was small, I was always in parks after school; I used to go to the park from 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM every day and just play with my friends.

Awkward phrasing and redundant clauses; 'after my school time' is unnatural. Use 'after school' and 'used to' for habitual past actions. Use 'park' with article 'the park' or 'to the park' and simpler verb forms 'go' -> 'used to go' and 'play' (not 'played all the time...and.').

× Yeah, I still like going to parks, but not to play obviously as I'm a 21 year old now.

✓ Yeah, I still like going to parks, but not to play obviously, as I'm 21 years old now.

Minor article/number phrasing: 'a 21 year old' should be '21 years old' or 'a 21-year-old' as an adjective. Here '21 years old' is appropriate. Also add comma for clarity.

× But for peace of my mind after a hectic day, I usually prefer to go to a park and just sit and watch kids plays, play.

✓ But for peace of mind after a hectic day, I usually prefer to go to a park and just sit and watch kids play.

Use the idiom 'peace of mind' (no 'my'), and 'watch kids play' uses bare infinitive 'play' after 'watch', not 'plays'. Remove redundant comma and extra word.

× So that helps me to relax also and think clearly also.

✓ That helps me relax and think more clearly.

Avoid repeating 'also'; reduce to 'helps me relax' (no 'to') and use 'more clearly' for improved adverb placement. Concise phrasing improves clarity.

× And even I get a piece of mind.

✓ And I even get some peace of mind.

Use the idiom 'peace of mind' and 'some' rather than 'a piece of mind'; 'even I' is awkward here so reorder to 'I even'.

× So that's more preferred and I like to do that in my.

✓ So I prefer that, and I like to do that in my free time.

Sentence is incomplete ('in my' what?). Replace with 'in my free time' and use 'prefer' rather than 'more preferred' which is incorrect comparative structure.

× Yeah, obviously park should be there in every city.

✓ Yeah, obviously parks should be in every city.

Use plural 'parks' or 'a park' with article. 'Park should be there' is ungrammatical; better: 'parks should be in every city' or 'a park should be in every city'.

× And if there are more, that's great, because if parks are less, it will be much more crowded than it should be usually.

✓ And if there are more, that's great, because if there are fewer parks, it will be much more crowded than it usually should be.

Use 'fewer' for countable nouns (parks) not 'less'. Word order: 'than it usually should be' is clearer. Maintain present tense consistency.

× And if, uh, parks are more, children would have many other games to play over there and it'll be much less crowded.

✓ And if there are more parks, children would have many more games to play there and it would be much less crowded.

Use 'there are more parks' rather than 'parks are more'. Use 'many more' for quantity and maintain conditional mood: 'it would be' matches hypothetical. 'Over there' unnecessary; 'there' suffices.

× No kid would be just waiting to play for.

✓ No kid would just be waiting to play.

Remove dangling preposition 'for' at the end. 'Waiting to play' completes the idea.

× Yeah, obviously I want to go to many parks in the future.

✓ Yeah, obviously I want to visit many parks in the future.

Verb choice: 'visit' is more natural than 'go to' when referring to attractions. Tense is fine but wording improved.

× One is there in Ahmedabad, which is known as Kakadiya Talav, and it is very famous.

✓ One is in Ahmedabad, which is known as Kakadiya Talav, and it is very famous.

Remove unnecessary 'there' after 'One is'. Keep article usage consistent; sentence otherwise acceptable.

× People say it's beautiful, it's near the lake.

✓ People say it's beautiful; it's near a lake.

Use 'a lake' unless a specific lake already mentioned. Use semicolon or conjunction instead of comma splice.

× If I ever go to Gujarat and in Ahmedabad, I will surely visit that park because it is one of the best I have heard.

✓ If I ever go to Gujarat and Ahmedabad, I will surely visit that park because it is one of the best I've heard of.

Combine locations: 'Gujarat and Ahmedabad' is redundant because Ahmedabad is in Gujarat; better: 'go to Ahmedabad in Gujarat'. Use 'heard of' after 'one of the best'. Contraction 'I've' acceptable; maintain future conditional 'will'.