Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Focus on clarity, grammar and conciseness. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes/No + brief reason), then add one specific supporting detail. Correct subject-verb agreement and avoid filler words. Use a linking word if you add detail.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child because they were lively and full of activities. For example, I used to play on the swings and join group games with neighborhood children, which helped me make friends and stay active.

提案: Be more natural and specific: say exactly what you like about parks and how they affect you. Use one linking word to connect reason and result, and correct collocations (e.g., “relieves my stress” not “releases my stress tension”). Keep it to two sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because the greenery and fresh air help me relax. For instance, I often walk there after work, which quickly relieves my stress and clears my mind.

提案: Answer directly and fix word choice errors (bags → parks). Give one clear reason with a specific example and use a linking word such as “because” or “so”. Avoid repetition and filler words.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because small, scenic parks provide safe places for children to play. For example, a nearby pocket park with benches and a playground encourages families to spend time outdoors and relax.

提案: Be specific about a park or type of park you'd like to visit and state why. Use a clear topic sentence and one supporting detail; avoid vague phrases and fillers like “you know” or “like”.

例: I would like to visit a famous botanical garden in the future because I enjoy seeing rare plant species and well-designed landscapes. If I had the chance, I would spend a day exploring the different themed gardens and taking photographs.

× Uh, actually being child is much more entertaining and exciting since a child are fun loving in nature and the park is place where many games are played with SIM is and they can interact with the same is people.

✓ Uh, actually being a child is much more entertaining and exciting, since children are fun-loving by nature and the park is a place where many games are played and they can interact with other people.

Errors: missing articles ('a child', 'a place'); singular/plural mismatch ('a child' vs 'children'); incorrect pronouns/words ('SIM is', 'same is people'); adjective hyphenation ('fun-loving'). Suggestion: use 'a child' for singular, 'children' for general plural, include 'a' before 'place', remove unclear words and replace with 'other people', and hyphenate compound adjective. Ensure subject-verb agreement: 'children are'.

× Yes, I do like going to parks till now because the nature is so overwhelming that releases my stress tension.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks because nature is so overwhelming that it relieves my stress and tension.

Errors: 'till now' is unnatural for ongoing preference; use 'still'. 'the nature' unnecessary definite article; use 'nature'. Verb phrase 'releases my stress tension' is incorrect: use 'relieves my stress and tension' with pronoun 'it' for subject. Suggestion: use simple present for habits and correct verb collocation 'relieve stress'.

× Yeah, I do like to see more bags in my city because the bags are the small place with, uh, scenic beauty, uh, for some amount and the place for children to play, so it makes everybody feel relaxed. So yeah, I like it.

✓ Yeah, I would like to see more parks in my city because parks are small places with scenic beauty and areas for children to play, so they make everybody feel relaxed.

Errors: 'bags' should be 'parks' (word choice). Unnecessary articles 'the bags', 'the small place'; plural/singular inconsistency. Phrase 'for some amount' unclear and incorrect. Use plural 'parks are small places' and 'areas for children to play'. Replace 'it' with 'they' to agree with plural. Suggestion: choose correct nouns, match number, remove filler words, and use clear noun phrases.

× I don't know much better, but yeah, if I get an opportunity to visit any other parks in any places, I would really be, you know, like happy for visiting that parks in my future.

✓ I don't know for sure, but if I get an opportunity to visit other parks in different places, I would be very happy to visit those parks in the future.

Errors: awkward phrase 'don't know much better' should be 'don't know for sure'. 'any other parks in any places' is redundant; use 'other parks in different places'. Modal usage 'would really be... happy for visiting that parks' is incorrect: use 'would be very happy to visit those parks'. Number agreement 'that parks' -> 'those parks'. Remove filler phrases. Use conditional structure correctly for hypothetical future events.

× since a child are fun loving in nature and the park is place where many games are played with SIM is and they can interact with the same is people.

✓ since children are fun-loving by nature and the park is a place where many games are played and they can interact with other people.

Errors: 'a child are' mixes singular article with plural verb; correct to 'children are' for general statement. 'park is place' needs article 'a place'. 'SIM is' and 'same is people' are nonsensical; replace with 'and they can interact with other people'. Use hyphen in 'fun-loving'. Suggestion: ensure subject and verb agree and use clear pronouns and articles.