Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid vague phrases and incomplete sentences. Correct verb forms and articles (e.g., “run off energy,” “play with a lot of friends/toys”).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. They were great places to make friends and burn off excess energy. For example, I often played tag with neighborhood children and learned to ride a bike there.

提案: Give a clear main idea, then support it with specific reasons and one example. Use linking words (because, so, for instance) and complete sentences. Fix tense and collocation (e.g., “relax me” → “relax me” or “help me relax”).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax after work. For instance, I often sit under a tree and listen to birdsong, which calms me and clears my mind.

提案: Organize your answer: give a direct response, then explain with specific reasons. Avoid repetitive or unclear phrasing. Use clearer vocabulary (e.g., “one is mainly a cricket ground,” “the other is a children's playground with swings”). Keep sentences short and grammatical.

例: Yes, I would like more parks. We have two now: one is mainly a cricket ground used by adults, and the other is a small playground with swings for young children. More varied parks would benefit everyone’s health and leisure.

提案: Be direct and consistent. If you have visited most parks, say so and then give one clear example of a favorite park and why you like it. Use linking words and avoid fillers like “uh” and vague words like “literally.”

例: Not really, because I have already visited most local parks. My favorite is Sanjay Gandhi National Park, since it has a wide variety of plants and wildlife, and I enjoy walking its nature trails.

× It was the best spot to meet new friends and to run out energy.

✓ It was the best spot to meet new friends and to burn off energy.

The phrase 'run out energy' is ungrammatical. English uses 'run out' with objects like 'time' or 'resources'. To express using up physical energy, use the gerund phrase 'burn off energy' or 'run off energy'. Use verbs appropriate for collocations.

× My mom and my dad would often make me go there to be healthy and supportive, and I often used to play with a lot of.

✓ My mom and dad would often make me go there to be healthy and active, and I often used to play with a lot of friends.

The phrase 'to be healthy and supportive' misuses 'supportive' (which describes people) instead of describing 'active' or 'healthy'. Also the sentence ends with 'play with a lot of.' missing an object; 'friends' completes the idea. Replace 'my mom and my dad' with 'my mom and dad' for naturalness.

× I still love to go to parks, there is a reason to it, which is whenever I'm stressed due to my work or whenever there is an emotional imbalance.

✓ I still love going to parks; there's a reason for it: whenever I'm stressed because of work or feeling emotionally unbalanced, parks help me relax.

Use 'love going' (gerund) rather than 'love to go' for habitual preference. 'There is a reason to it' is incorrect; use 'there's a reason for it'. 'Due to my work' is better as 'because of work' in this context. Also split into clearer clauses and use present tense for habitual actions.

× Parks really relaxed me a lot while sitting beside a tree or just listening to the chirping of birds it really.

✓ Parks really relax me when I sit beside a tree or just listen to the chirping of birds.

Tense must match habitual present: use 'relax' not 'relaxed'. Remove redundant 'it really' and combine clauses with correct relative structure: 'when I sit' and 'listen' are parallel present verbs.

× Absolutely, like we already have two of them, but one is made for cricket mostly for people, for children's just focus on their supportive health etcetera and the other one is made-up of for the children's who are minors so that they can play swings.

✓ Absolutely. We already have two parks: one is mainly for cricket and adult players, focusing on fitness, and the other is a children's park with swings for younger kids.

Original sentence has fragmented structure, incorrect prepositions ('made for', 'made-up of'), unnecessary words ('children's who are minors'), and unclear phrases ('supportive health'). Reorganize into clear clauses, use 'mainly for cricket', 'adult players' and 'a children's park' and 'younger kids' for clarity and correctness.

× Not really 'cause I have been to most of the parks which I really wanted to be and, uh, the best one is Sanjay Gandhi National Park.

✓ Not really, because I've already been to most of the parks I wanted to visit; the best one is Sanjay Gandhi National Park.

Use 'because' instead of informal ''cause'. Use present perfect 'I've been to' correctly and 'wanted to visit' completes the verb idea. Remove filler 'to be' which is incorrect here. Punctuation and clause linkage improved.

× You can literally see different varieties of plants and animals and birds.

✓ You can see a wide variety of plants, animals, and birds.

'Literally' is unnecessary and often misused; 'different varieties of' is wordy — use 'a wide variety of'. Use commas to separate items in a list.