Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 답변을 더 자연스럽고 일관되게 만들려면 시제 일치, 불필요한 중복 제거, 그리고 주제문과 구체적 세부사항을 논리적으로 연결하세요. 예를 들어 과거 시제(‘used to’)를 사용하고 ‘my dog/my pet’처럼 중복되는 표현을 하나로 정리하세요. 또한 ‘take a walk’와 같은 올바른 표현을 사용하고, 이유와 기억을 하나나 두 문장으로 간결하게 덧붙이세요.

例: I used to enjoy going to parks as a child because I often went there with my parents and our dog. We would take long walks and play on the swings, which made those afternoons really fun and memorable.

提案: 현재에도 공원에 가는 이유를 말할 때는 문법(전치사와 관사), 어휘 선택, 문장의 유창성을 개선하세요. ‘busy in my life’ 대신 ‘very busy with my life/work/studies’, ‘get free time’ 대신 ‘have free time’ 등을 사용하고, 이유와 감정을 명확히 연결하는 연결어를 쓰세요.

例: Definitely. I'm very busy with work, so I appreciate parks as peaceful places to relax when I have free time. They help me unwind and get some fresh air, which improves my mood.

提案: 의견을 제시할 때는 간결한 주제문과 구체적 근거를 쓰고, 문법(관사, 복수형, 전치사)을 바로잡으세요. ‘in the season’이나 ‘in my cities’처럼 부정확한 표현을 교정하고, ‘already’ 대신 ‘existing’ 등 적절한 단어를 사용하세요. 또한 한 번에 한 가지 생각을 표현하고 불필요한 반복을 피하세요.

例: I don't think we need many more parks in my city because there are already plenty of well-maintained parks. Instead, I would prefer improving facilities in existing parks, such as adding benches and better lighting.

提案: 어떤 공원을 가고 싶은지 말할 때는 불확실한 표현을 줄이고 명확하게 말하세요. ‘I hold that’ 같은 어색한 표현 대신 ‘I know that’이나 ‘I’ve heard that’ 등을 사용하고, 공원 이름을 모를 때는 대체 설명을 덧붙여 구체성을 더하세요. 또한 미래 의도를 표현할 때는 ‘would like to visit’ 같은 자연스러운 표현을 쓰세요.

例: I've heard that Central Park in New York is very famous, and I'd love to visit it someday. It seems like a great place to explore, walk around the lakes, and see the city from a different perspective.

× I really enjoyed going to parks as a child, uh, because I usually go to the park with my parents and my dog, my pet, uh, so I'd like to take a work with my parents.

✓ I really enjoyed going to parks as a child because I usually went to the park with my parents and my dog, so I liked to take walks with my parents.

Errors: mixed past and present tense and incorrect word choice. Use past tense consistently when talking about childhood (enjoyed, went, liked). 'Take a work' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'take a walk' or 'go for walks.' Suggestion: maintain past tense for past habits and use the noun 'walk' or the verb phrase 'go for walks.'

× Definitely, yes. Uh, this is because I'm very busy on in my life, so I feel uh, convenient and comfortable in the park when I get a free time. So I really love going to park.

✓ Definitely. This is because I'm very busy in my life, so I feel comfortable and relaxed in the park when I get free time. So I really love going to the park.

Errors: awkward preposition 'on in' should be 'in.' 'Feel convenient' is incorrect; use 'feel comfortable' or 'find it convenient.' 'Get a free time' is incorrect—use 'get free time' or 'have free time.' Also 'going to park' needs the article 'the park' for specific reference. Suggestion: choose correct prepositions, use appropriate adjectives (comfortable/relaxed), and include articles before singular countable nouns.

× I think there are lots of parks in the season in my city, so I don't need to more parks in my cities, so I'd like to use already parks in the section.

✓ I think there are lots of parks in my city, so I don't need more parks; I'd like to use the existing parks in the area.

Errors: 'in the season' is unnecessary and unclear. 'I don't need to more parks' is ungrammatical—correct is 'I don't need more parks.' 'My cities' should be singular 'my city.' 'Already parks' should be 'existing parks.' 'Section' should be 'area' or 'neighborhood.' Suggestion: remove irrelevant phrases, correct word order and use proper quantifiers and articles.

× I hold that, uh, in New York there is a famous, uh, park. I, I don't remember that name, so I'd like to go there once, uh, in my life. So I really love to go to park.

✓ I believe that in New York there is a famous park. I don't remember its name, but I'd like to go there once in my life. So I would really love to go to the park.

Errors: 'I hold that' is formal and odd in speech—'I believe' or 'I think' is more natural. 'There is a famous, uh, park' is okay but remove extra commas. 'I don't remember that name' should be 'I don't remember its name.' 'Go to park' needs the article: 'go to the park.' Suggestion: use natural spoken verbs (believe/think), use possessive pronouns for names, and include definite articles for specific places.