Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and reduce hesitations (uh, umm). Begin with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct small grammar and word choice errors (e.g., “the rackets” → “rackets”; “we cousin” → “my cousins”). Keep the answer to no more than 4–5 sentences.

例: I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my cousins and I often played badminton there and used the swings every afternoon. Because of those fun activities, parks held a special place in my childhood and gave us regular chances to play together.

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy and coherence: use correct verb agreement and concise linking phrases. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add a specific reason and one supporting detail. Replace vague phrases with precise ones (e.g., “to stay fit” instead of “to keep myself healthy and have a good routine”).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now. However, my visits are different: I usually go alone for a brisk walk to stay fit and clear my mind. This routine helps me maintain my health and reduce stress.

提案: Be concise and correct place names/phrasing. Remove hesitations and correct factual phrasing (e.g., “I live in Lahore” and “there are parks on many corners”). Use one clear topic sentence, then add a specific reason with an example of what makes parks unique.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. I live in Lahore, where many neighbourhoods already have lovely gardens, and I think adding more parks would give people more green space to relax. For instance, new parks could include playgrounds or small ponds to attract families.

提案: Avoid repetition and tighten the response. Start with a direct topic sentence naming the park, then give two specific reasons (flower exhibition, waterfalls) with a linking word. Remove repeated words and improve sentence flow.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Race Course Park near Jail Road in Lahore. I have heard they hold a flower exhibition every spring and that the park has attractive waterfalls, so I think it would be a very beautiful place to see in person.

× I actually loved going to a park as a child.

✓ I actually loved going to parks as a child.

The student used the singular 'a park' while referring generally to visiting parks in childhood; plural 'parks' matches the general habitual activity. Use plural for general experiences involving multiple instances.

× we used to take, uh, the rackets, uh, to play badminton in the park.

✓ we used to take the rackets to play badminton in the park.

No past participle needed; remove extra commas and filler. 'Used to' correctly indicates past habitual action; keep object 'the rackets' without additional punctuation.

× There were swings in the park, so we used to take that.

✓ There were swings in the park, so we used to take them.

Pronoun must agree with plural 'swings'. Use plural pronoun 'them' rather than singular 'that'.

× parks are always, uh, had a special place in umm, in our childhood because we cousin used to go together.

✓ Parks always had a special place in our childhood because we used to go together with my cousins.

Multiple issues: tense/structure simplified to 'Parks always had' and pronouns fixed. 'we cousin' is incorrect; use 'my cousins' and place 'used to' correctly. Also start sentence with capital and remove fillers.

× Yes, I do like going to parks now as well, but the kind of activities we used to do before is has now changed a lot.

✓ Yes, I do like going to parks now as well, but the kinds of activities we used to do before have now changed a lot.

Subject-verb agreement and tense: 'kinds' plural needs verb 'have'. Remove incorrect 'is has'. Maintain contrast between past habitual 'used to' and present perfect 'have changed'.

× Now I go alone to the park.

✓ Now I go alone to the park.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Included to show pronoun use is acceptable.

× It's just for walking to keep myself healthy and have a good routine or taking care of myself.

✓ It's just for walking to keep myself healthy, to have a good routine, and to take care of myself.

Parallel structure requires infinitives (to + verb) for each item: 'to keep', 'to have', 'to take'. Using 'taking' breaks parallelism.

× I guess, umm, actually I would love to uh, I have been to some of the past as I live in Lahoy.

✓ I guess actually I would love to. I have been to some of them because I live in Lahore.

Run-on and unclear phrase 'some of the past' is incorrect. Split into two sentences, replace with 'some of them', correct city name to 'Lahore' and use 'because' for reason.

× They are beautiful gardens and parks all umm, at every corner and every block has a park.

✓ There are beautiful gardens and parks everywhere; every corner and block has a park.

Use 'there are' to introduce existence, 'everywhere' is more natural than 'all at every corner', and combine ideas clearly.

× Uh, So uh, I would definitely love to visit different parks because they have something uh, unique in them.

✓ So I would definitely love to visit different parks because each has something unique.

Improve pronoun precision: 'they' vague; 'each' clarifies individual parks. Remove fillers and 'in them' redundancy.

× Yes, there is a park named Race Course Park there near the Jail Rd. Lahore.

✓ Yes, there is a park named Race Course Park near Jail Road in Lahore.

Refine 'there' redundancy and preposition use: 'near Jail Road in Lahore' is concise. Use full 'Road' and place city after road.

× I would love to visit that because I heard there there's a flower exhibition every spring, spring, spring happens there.

✓ I would love to visit it because I heard there is a flower exhibition every spring.

Simplify and correct tense: 'heard there is' (reported present) and remove repetition. Use 'it' as pronoun for 'the park'.

× There's also waterfalls and it is actually really beautiful and I heard quite a lot about it, so I would love to visit that.

✓ There are also waterfalls, and it is really beautiful. I have heard a lot about it, so I would love to visit.

Subject-verb agreement: plural 'waterfalls' requires 'there are'. Use present perfect 'have heard' for experience up to now and avoid repeating 'that' at end.