Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more consistent with tense and avoid redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details with linking words. Correct word choice (e.g. partner → family) and simple past tense for past routines will sound more natural.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my family and I often rode bikes and played on the swings, which made those afternoons very fun. Because they were outdoors and calm, they also felt relaxing and helped me bond with my parents.

提案: Clarify meaning and use correct grammar. Open with a direct statement about the present, then explain when and why you go, using linking words (e.g. when, so) and correct verb forms and prepositions.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. For instance, when I have a stressful day in the laboratory, I go for a walk in a nearby park so I can relax and chat with a friend. This helps me clear my mind and feel refreshed.

提案: Make your point concise and provide a clear reason. Use correct sentence structure and plural/singular forms, and add a specific detail (e.g. where or how many) to strengthen your answer.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. There are already several small playgrounds for children, but more green spaces would be useful, especially in densely populated areas where families do not have private gardens.

提案: Be specific and grammatically accurate. State a clear intention (I want to go to...), then give a specific time and reason. Use correct tense for future plans and clear vocabulary (e.g. cherry blossoms, enjoy).

例: Yes, I want to visit several parks near my town next spring. I especially plan to see the cherry blossoms because those parks are beautiful at that time and it would be a great opportunity for photos and a relaxing picnic.

× Whenever I have free time, I used to visit the park with my family and we often rode bikes together and played on the swings.

✓ Whenever I had free time, I used to visit the park with my family; we often rode bikes together and played on the swings.

The sentence mixes present tense 'have' with past reference 'used to' and 'rode'. Use past tense 'had' to maintain consistent past narration. Suggestion: keep time expressions and verbs in the same tense when recounting past habits.

× I enjoyed those outings because they were relaxing and nice chance to spend the time with my partner.

✓ I enjoyed those outings because they were relaxing and a nice chance to spend time with my family.

Missing article 'a' before 'nice chance' and 'partner' is likely incorrect in context (family outings). Also 'spend the time' is awkward; use 'spend time'. Ensure correct article use and appropriate noun choice for clarity.

× Yes I still like going to park now actually when I stress out days like laboratory walk.

✓ Yes, I still like going to the park now. Actually, when I am stressed after long days in the laboratory, I take a walk.

Missing article 'the' before 'park' and incorrect tense/form 'stress out days'. Use present continuous 'am stressed' or adjective 'stressed' to describe current state. Clarify phrase order and split into two sentences for clarity.

× So to relax my mind I visit to park with my friend to chat there.

✓ So to relax my mind I visit the park with my friend to chat there.

Use 'visit the park' not 'visit to park'. Also add 'the' before 'park' and consider plural 'friends' if applicable. Prepositions after 'visit' are not used in this sense.

× Yes, in my city I can easily find park near my town because this our city there are many children.

✓ Yes, in my city I can easily find parks near my town because in our city there are many children.

Use plural 'parks' for general availability and correct word order 'in our city'. Original had singular 'park' and awkward phrase 'this our city'; adjust to natural plural form and proper prepositional phrase.

× So to make a playground for children there are many park.

✓ So to provide playgrounds for children there are many parks.

Mismatch between singular 'park' and plural context; use plural 'parks' and more appropriate verb 'provide' or 'build'. Quantifier/number agreement must match noun number.

× Oh yes absolutely. Actually near my town there are many parks so especially in the spring season I could enjoy the cherry blossom in the park so when I looked up flower I could go to.

✓ Oh yes, absolutely. Actually, near my town there are many parks, so especially in spring I can enjoy the cherry blossoms in the park; if I see the flowers I can go to them.

Mixed tenses and awkward phrasing: 'could enjoy' and 'could go to' suggest conditional/past. Use present 'can' for general ability. 'Cherry blossom' pluralize to 'cherry blossoms'. 'When I looked up flower' is ungrammatical; replace with conditional 'if I see the flowers'. Adjust punctuation and pronouns for clarity.