Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise and correct the grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetitions and filler words.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I remember meeting new friends there and spending hours on the swings, which was my favorite activity because it felt freeing and fun.

提案: Give a direct answer first and then explain briefly with clear reasons and correct grammar. Use linking words (however, because, so) to connect ideas and avoid repeating phrases.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks; however, I rarely have the time currently because I'm busy with university studies and a part-time job.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and support it with concise, specific reasons. Correct grammar and remove speech disfluencies (repetitions, filler words). Use linking words (because, therefore) for coherence.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because Hong Kong has many skyscrapers and limited green space. As a result, residents have fewer places to relax and exercise.

提案: Answer directly and give a specific reason and brief detail about what you would do there. Avoid vague phrases like "historical related items" and tighten sentence structure.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Jurassic Park in the United States because I'm fascinated by dinosaurs. I would especially enjoy the exhibits and any interactive displays where I could learn more about prehistoric life.

× Of course, one of my core memories at my in my childhood is going to the parks and learning new friends and play with the swing in in my park.

✓ Of course, one of my core childhood memories is going to the park, meeting new friends, and playing on the swing in my local park.

Errors: unnecessary prepositions 'at my in my childhood' and 'in in my park'; incorrect preposition 'to the parks' (prefer singular 'the park' for general habit); verbs parallelism 'learning new friends and play' is incorrect. Suggestion: Use 'childhood memories' phrase, 'going to the park' for habitual action, 'meeting new friends' for making friends, and parallel gerunds 'meeting' and 'playing on' with correct preposition 'on' for swing.

× I like going to the parks now but I don't have the time to go.

✓ I like going to the park now, but I don't have time to go.

Issue: plural 'parks' is acceptable but context implies general habit so singular 'the park' is clearer; phrase 'have the time to go' is wordy—'have time to go' is natural. Suggestion: Use 'the park' for general reference and omit 'the' before 'time'.

× I'm not free recently due to academics and I have to work for part time jobs so I like going to parks but I don't have the time to.

✓ I haven't been free recently because of my studies, and I have to work part-time, so I like going to the park but I don't have time to.

Errors: 'I'm not free recently' mixes present with 'recently'—use present perfect 'haven't been free recently'. 'Due to academics' is unnatural; use 'because of my studies'. 'Work for part time jobs' should be 'work part-time' or 'have a part-time job'. 'I don't have the time to' is incomplete; 'time to' what? Here 'time to' refers to 'go', so keep 'time to' or repeat 'go'. Suggestion: Use present perfect for recent states and natural phrases for work/study.

× I would say yes, I live in Hong Kong, which skyscrapers are everywhere and there are less parks in Hong Kong.

✓ I would say yes. I live in Hong Kong, where skyscrapers are everywhere, and there are fewer parks.

Errors: incorrect relative word 'which' should be 'where' to refer to a place. 'There are less parks' uses 'less' incorrectly with countable noun 'parks'—use 'fewer'. Also repetition 'in Hong Kong' unnecessary. Suggestion: Use 'where' for places and 'fewer' with countable nouns.

× The parks that the the number of parks are decreasing due to like the demand of skyscrapers of people having to need a place to work, need a place to live.

✓ The number of parks is decreasing due to demand for skyscrapers, because people need places to work and live.

Errors: wordy and ungrammatical structure 'The parks that the the number of parks are decreasing' and misuse of 'like' and 'of'. Subject-verb agreement: 'number' is singular so 'is decreasing'. 'Demand of skyscrapers' should be 'demand for skyscrapers'. 'People having to need a place' is redundant. Suggestion: Simplify sentence: state the subject ('The number of parks') then reason ('is decreasing because...').

× So there's less parts I want to.

✓ So there are fewer parks I want to visit.

Errors: 'there's' (there is) with plural 'parts' is wrong; use 'there are'. 'Less' with countable 'parts' should be 'fewer'. 'Parts' is wrong word (should be 'parks') and 'I want to' is incomplete—add 'visit'. Suggestion: Use correct plural verb 'there are', 'fewer', correct noun 'parks', and complete verb phrase.

× I've heard that there's a Jurassic Park in America and I really like dinosaurs and historical related items, so I really want to experience, take a hands on experience in that Jurassic Park.

✓ I've heard that there's a Jurassic Park in America, and I really like dinosaurs and historical items, so I really want to have a hands-on experience at that park.

Errors: 'historical related items' should be 'historical items' or 'history-related items'. 'Take a hands on experience' is awkward—use 'have a hands-on experience'. Preposition 'in that Jurassic Park' better as 'at that park'. Suggestion: Use hyphenated adjective 'hands-on', correct noun order 'history-related' or 'historical', and preposition 'at' for visiting a place.