Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., ‘I like’ used repeatedly) and correct small grammar issues (use past tense consistently when talking about childhood).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often visited the small park near my house and the one by my nursery, where I played on the swings and slides with my friends and family.

提案: Clarify phrasing and use precise vocabulary. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then add concise, specific details with linking words. Avoid awkward or redundant phrases (e.g., ‘a lot of green greenery’, ‘kind of a prefecture store’).

例: Yes, I enjoy parks even more now. I live in a rural prefecture where parks are larger and greener than those in Tokyo, so I often walk in wide open spaces and enjoy the fresh air.

提案: Make the opinion clearer and improve grammar. Use a topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Replace vague phrases with concrete benefits and correct form (e.g., ‘enrich’ -> ‘more enriched’ or ‘enrich people’s lives’).

例: Yes, I would. Parks add cultural value to a community because they provide places for social events and relaxation; therefore, more green spaces would enrich people’s daily lives and improve wellbeing.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and complete supporting details. Avoid fragments and repetition (‘lots of entertainment and lots of’). Be specific about which parks and why, and use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I would like to visit large national parks in the future because they are spacious and offer a range of activities, such as hiking trails, picnic areas, and cultural events.

× I like to go to the park with my friends or family.

✓ I liked going to the park with my friends or family.

The surrounding context refers to childhood (past), so the verb tense should be past. Use 'liked going' to match the earlier sentence 'As a child I went...'. Suggestion: keep consistent past tense when talking about habitual actions in childhood.

× I enjoy the playground a lot.

✓ I enjoyed the playground a lot.

This sentence describes enjoyment during childhood, so the verb should be in the past tense to match context. Use 'enjoyed' for past habitual feelings.

× I live in a rather rural area in kind of a prefecture store.

✓ I live in a rather rural area in a kind of prefecture town.

The original phrase 'prefecture store' is unclear and likely a wrong word choice. 'Kind of' should be followed by a noun; 'prefecture town' or 'prefectural town' fits the intended meaning. Also use 'in a' for article correctness. Suggestion: choose the correct noun and structure: 'in a kind of prefectural town.'

× There is a lot of green greenery around my house, especially parks which are bigger than in Tokyo.

✓ There is a lot of greenery around my house, especially parks that are larger than those in Tokyo.

Using 'green greenery' is redundant; 'greenery' alone suffices. 'Bigger than in Tokyo' lacks a clear comparison object; use 'those' to refer to 'parks' and 'larger' is a more natural adjective than 'bigger' in this formal comparison. Suggestion: avoid redundancy and make the comparison explicit: 'parks that are larger than those in Tokyo.'

× Yes, I do. Parks are a form of cultural richness around the community.

✓ Yes, I do. Parks are a form of cultural richness in the community.

The phrase 'around the community' is awkward; 'in the community' is the correct prepositional phrase. This is also linked to preposition use (ID 11), but the main issue is word choice for natural expression. Suggestion: use 'in the community.'

× More green in parks would make people's life more enrich.

✓ More greenery in parks would make people's lives more enriched.

Several issues: 'green' should be a noun 'greenery' or 'green space'; 'people's life' should be plural 'people's lives'; 'more enrich' is incorrect — use the participle 'enriched' or the phrase 'make people's lives richer.' Suggestion: use correct noun forms and adjective/participle: 'make people's lives richer' or 'make people's lives more enriched.'

× Yes, I like to go to several spots in the future, especially parks managed by the country.

✓ Yes, I would like to go to several spots in the future, especially parks managed by the country.

Talking about future wishes requires 'would like' or 'want to' rather than present 'like'. Use 'would like' to express future desire politely. Suggestion: use 'would like to' when indicating planned future wishes.

× They are very big, spacious and lots of entertainment and lots of.

✓ They are very big and spacious, with lots of entertainment options.

The original sentence has incorrect parallelism and an unfinished fragment 'and lots of.' Use parallel adjectives 'big and spacious' and complete the idea with 'with lots of entertainment options.' Suggestion: ensure parallel structure and complete the noun phrase describing what parks offer.