Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words (uh, um). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details and a brief reason or feeling. Keep it within 2–4 sentences and use correct verb forms (e.g. "my parents took me").

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took me there on weekends, where I enjoyed playing on the swings and slides with my friends. Those visits are a happy memory because they gave me time to play and relax.

提案: Start with a direct answer, then briefly explain the reason and give a clear example of what you would do when you have free time. Avoid awkward phrasing ("love to go parks") and filler. Use linking words like "but" and "however" correctly and keep sentences grammatically correct.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but I rarely find time because I am busy with medical studies and English lessons. However, if I have a day off, I usually go with friends for a picnic and we spend the afternoon talking about our lives and plans.

提案: Give one clear reason and support it with a specific example. Avoid repeating the same idea and redundant words (e.g. "spend their time more effective and enjoyable"). Use linking phrases like "for example" and correct collocations ("residents would be able to relax").

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because residents would have more places to relax and exercise. For example, new parks could offer playgrounds and picnic areas where families can meet and chat, and people can go for a walk or jog.

提案: Be specific about the place and why you want to visit. Avoid vague expressions and repetition ("give me lots of energy" repeated). Use a clear topic sentence naming the park, then give one concrete detail about an attraction and why it appeals to you. Keep it concise and grammatical.

例: Yes, I hope to visit some well-known parks in the United States, such as Yellowstone. I want to see its geysers and hiking trails because exploring those landscapes would be refreshing and energizing for me.

× in my childhood I enjoyed playing swings and slides with my friends and my parents used it to, uh, take me there for picnic on the weekends, uh, if they, if they had a day off, Umm.

✓ In my childhood I enjoyed playing on swings and slides with my friends, and my parents used to take me there for picnics on the weekends if they had a day off.

Incorrect use of verb forms and collocations: 'playing swings and slides' should be 'playing on swings and slides' (use preposition 'on' with play + equipment). 'used it to take me' is incorrect; correct form is 'used to take me' to express habitual past. 'for picnic' should be plural 'for picnics'. Suggestion: use 'play on' with playground equipment, 'used to' for past habits, and pluralize countable nouns when talking about repeated events.

× To be honest yes I definitely love to go parks but as I have some uh works and studies to do like medicine, English, I don't have enough time to go.

✓ To be honest, yes, I definitely love to go to parks, but as I have some work and studies to do, like medicine and English, I don't have enough time to go.

Mistakes: missing preposition 'to' after 'go' when indicating destination ('go to parks'). 'works' is noncount here and should be 'work'. List items should be connected with 'and'. Suggestion: include commas for clarity, use 'go to' + place, and use the uncountable noun 'work' when referring to tasks or job-related activities.

× But if I have a day off I will definitely go with my friends uh for picnic or enjoying is telling about our life.

✓ But if I have a day off I will definitely go with my friends for a picnic or to enjoy talking about our lives.

Problems: 'for picnic' needs an article 'a picnic'. 'enjoying is telling about our life' is ungrammatical — intended meaning is 'enjoy talking' or 'enjoy discussing our lives'. Use infinitive 'to enjoy' or gerund 'enjoy' with a verb 'talking' and plural 'lives'. Suggestion: choose a clear verb phrase such as 'to enjoy talking about our lives'.

× Yes, of course, because it would be very good to residents to relax and spend their time more effective and enjoyable.

✓ Yes, of course, because it would be very good for residents to relax and spend their time more effectively and enjoyably.

Errors: missing preposition 'for' after 'good'; 'to residents' should be 'for residents'. 'more effective and enjoyable' uses adjectives where adverbs are needed to modify 'spend their time' — use 'more effectively and enjoyably'. Suggestion: use correct prepositions and adverb forms when describing how time is spent.

× Because in parks there are lots of facilities for people to try and enjoy.

✓ Because parks have many facilities for people to try and enjoy.

Stylistic and quantifier issue: 'lots of' is informal; 'there are lots of facilities' is acceptable but 'parks have many facilities' is clearer and more concise. Suggestion: use 'many' for countable plural nouns in formal speech and prefer active structure 'parks have'.

× Especially they can have a picnic with their family members and spend their time with chatting and with conversing about lives and plans that they are going to do.

✓ Especially, they can have a picnic with their family members and spend their time chatting and conversing about their lives and plans.

Problems: 'spend their time with chatting' should be 'spend their time chatting' (no 'with'); 'with conversing' similarly incorrect. 'about lives' needs possessive 'their lives'. 'plans that they are going to do' is wordy — use 'plans' or 'plans they are going to carry out'. Suggestion: use 'spend time' + gerund, remove unnecessary 'with', and include possessive pronouns.

× Yeah, of course in the future I will definitely go American Parks, which has lots of attractions and places to explore.

✓ Yeah, of course in the future I will definitely go to American parks, which have lots of attractions and places to explore.

Errors: missing preposition 'to' after 'go' ('go to American parks'). 'American Parks' used as a proper noun is unclear; use lowercase unless referring to a specific park name. Subject-verb agreement: 'parks' is plural, so use 'have' not 'has'. Suggestion: use 'go to' + plural noun, ensure verb agrees with plural subject.

× And there is one attraction that I'm planning to go and try because it give me lots of energy when I try and it can recharge my battery because, uh, I can get energy.

✓ And there is one attraction that I'm planning to go to and try because it gives me lots of energy when I try it, and it can recharge my battery.

Errors: missing preposition 'to' after 'go' ('go to and try'). Subject-verb agreement: 'it give' should be 'it gives' (third person singular). Repetition and wordiness: 'when I try and it can recharge my battery because, uh, I can get energy' is redundant — simplify to 'when I try it, and it can recharge my battery.' Suggestion: add necessary prepositions, use correct third person singular verb forms, and avoid repetition.