Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and accurate: start with a clear topic sentence, correct word choice (e.g., “visiting parks” not “going back” or “injuring”), and add one specific supporting detail. Keep it under 4–5 sentences and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I loved visiting parks as a child because they were my favorite places to play. For example, I often spent hours on the swings and played football with neighborhood friends, which made those afternoons memorable.

提案: Start with a direct answer, use correct tense and pronouns, avoid repetition, and add a specific present-day reason or example. Use a linking word like “because” or “so” to connect ideas clearly.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they remind me of happy childhood memories. For instance, I often walk there to relax and think about the games I used to play, which helps me unwind after a busy day.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence and one specific reason with a clear example. Avoid filler phrases like “obviously” and repeated fragments. Use linking words (because, so) correctly.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide green spaces where people can relax. For example, a new park near work would let me take short walks during breaks to reduce stress and improve focus.

提案: Answer directly and give a specific future plan or preference. Avoid saying you have “no idea” and then being vague; instead mention the park you remember and explain why you want to visit it again. Use one or two supporting details.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a park in Korea that I remember from childhood because it was very green and full of flowers. I hope to return to walk its trails and see the flower beds again, perhaps next year when I can travel.

× Yes, I used to love going back as a child because it was really fun and I think it is the best part of childhood that going to park and injuring with friends are really important and enjoyable moments for a child.

✓ Yes, I used to love going to parks as a child because it was really fun, and I think the best part of childhood is that going to parks and playing with friends are really important and enjoyable moments for a child.

Errors: incorrect phrase 'going back' and 'going to park' (preposition/article and noun form), incorrect word 'injuring' instead of 'playing', awkward clause order, and verb form in 'are really important' needs a clear subject. Suggestions: Use plural 'parks' or 'the park' consistently, use 'going to parks' or 'going to the park' rather than 'going back'. Replace 'injuring' with 'playing'. Reorder clause to 'the best part of childhood is that...' so the verb 'is' correctly links the subject and clause. Use commas to separate clauses.

× Yes, I really love going back now too because I used to remember my childhood memories whenever I go to park and I remember playing with them, enjoying with them.

✓ Yes, I really love going now too because I remember my childhood whenever I go to the park, and I remember playing and having fun with my friends.

Errors: 'going back now' is unclear; 'used to remember' incorrectly mixes past habit marker with present context; missing article 'the' before 'park'; awkward 'enjoying with them'. Suggestions: Use present tense 'remember' for current feelings, remove 'used to' when not indicating past habit, add 'the' before 'park', and use verbs that collocate like 'playing with my friends' and 'having fun'.

× It was really important, important and memorable moment of my life.

✓ It was a really important and memorable moment of my life.

Errors: repeated word 'important, important', missing article 'a' before 'really important and memorable moment'. Suggestions: Remove duplication and add the indefinite article 'a' because 'moment' is a singular countable noun.

× Yes, obviously I would like to see more parks in the city because it helps, it helps people to relax and whenever people get tired they can go to park and feel free and come.

✓ Yes, obviously I would like to see more parks in the city because they help people relax, and whenever people get tired they can go to the park to feel free and refreshed.

Errors: 'it helps' should agree with plural 'parks' (subject-verb agreement and pronoun reference), missing article 'the' before 'park', awkward phrase 'feel free and come'. Suggestions: Use 'they help' to match plural 'parks', add 'the' before 'park' for specific locations, and replace 'feel free and come' with natural expressions like 'feel free and refreshed' or 'feel relaxed and refreshed'.

× Actually, I don't have any idea about future, but obviously maybe I want to go back, which was in Korea.

✓ Actually, I don't have any specific plans for the future, but I might want to return to a park I visited in Korea.

Errors: 'any idea about future' is unidiomatic and missing article 'the'; 'maybe I want to go back, which was in Korea' has unclear reference and tense. Suggestions: Use 'plans for the future' or 'any idea about the future', use modal 'might' for possibility, and rephrase to clearly refer to returning to a place: 'return to a park I visited in Korea.'

× I really don't remember its name, but it was really green and it was filled with all these flowers.

✓ I really don't remember its name, but it was very green and filled with many flowers.

Errors: 'all these flowers' is informal and contextually odd; repetition 'really' twice is stylistic. Suggestions: Use 'very green' for emphasis, and 'filled with many flowers' or 'filled with flowers' for natural phrasing. The pronoun 'its' is acceptable here because 'park' is the referent; no change needed there.