Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Remove filler words, give a clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details. Keep it concise (max 4–5 sentences) and natural.

例: Yes. As a child I enjoyed going to parks with my parents; we often walked along the flower-lined paths. I also loved running around and playing hide-and-seek with my friends because there was lots of open space.

提案: Expand slightly with a linking word and a specific reason or detail to make the answer more informative and natural. Avoid very short replies.

例: Yes, I do. I often go for walks in parks with my best friends because it is a peaceful way to catch up and get some exercise.

提案: Correct repetition and wording, and give a clearer, more specific reason with an example. Use linking words to connect ideas and describe what makes the landscapes extraordinary.

例: Yes, I would. I think more parks are needed because they offer attractive green spaces; for example, tree-lined paths and flower gardens create a pleasant place for families to relax.

提案: Add a brief reason for choosing those parks to show personal interest and to expand the answer naturally with a linking phrase.

例: Yes. In the future I want to visit Disney Parks for the rides and entertainment, and Yellowstone National Park to see the geysers and wildlife.

× Yes, when I was a child I liked umm, walking with my parents in the parks, UMM, running and playing with my friends.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I liked walking with my parents in parks and running and playing with my friends.

The original sentence repeats articles and uses filler 'umm' and 'UMM'. Also 'in the parks' is awkward with 'walking with my parents' — use 'in parks' or omit the article for general statements. The list of activities should be parallel: 'walking with my parents in parks, running and playing with my friends' or combine with 'and'. Remove filler words. Suggestion: keep verbs in gerund form and make items parallel.

× Yes I do. I like walking with my best friends.

✓ Yes, I do. I like walking with my best friend.

Context asks if the student still likes going to parks now; 'best friends' usually refers to more than one close friend, but 'my best friend' is more common. This is not strictly a grammar error, but plural/singular choice should match intended meaning. If the student means one best friend, use singular. Ensure comma after 'Yes' and maintain present simple tense 'I like'.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because in in the parks it's very extraordinary landscapes.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because the parks have very extraordinary landscapes.

There is a repeated word 'in in' and incorrect article and structure 'in the parks it's very extraordinary landscapes' is ungrammatical. Use 'the parks have' to describe a feature of parks, and 'extraordinary landscapes' does not require 'it's'. Alternatively: 'because parks in my city have very extraordinary landscapes.' Remove repetition and correct article usage.

× Yes, in the future I want to go to Disney Parks and Yellowstone National Park in the USA.

✓ Yes. In the future, I want to go to the Disney parks and to Yellowstone National Park in the USA.

Minor sentence structure and article usage: use 'the Disney parks' (referring to the park chain) and include 'to' before the second destination for parallel structure: 'to the Disney parks and to Yellowstone National Park.' Add commas for clarity. Tense 'want to go' correctly expresses future desire.