Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp cơ bản và trật tự từ; tránh lặp từ và các tiếng câu (fillers). Nên mở đầu trực tiếp, theo sau bằng 1-2 chi tiết cụ thể (hãng hoạt động, tần suất, cảm xúc). Chú ý sử dụng thì quá khứ đúng (used to / would) và danh từ số nhiều/đếm được (games, parks).

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks when I was a child. My family often had picnics there and we used to play games like frisbee and tag every weekend, which made those times feel simple and happy.

提案: Giảm lỗi từ vựng và cấu trúc (avoid literal translations like "to be an AD"); dùng câu ngắn, tự nhiên. Sử dụng thì hiện tại, giải thích lý do rõ ràng và cụ thể hơn (ví dụ: stress relief, exercise). Dùng linking words như "because" hoặc "so" hợp lý và sửa collocation (green space, long working day).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. After a long workday I go there to relax and enjoy the fresh air because the green space helps me reduce stress and clear my mind.

提案: Tránh câu ngắn thiếu thông tin; nêu lý do cụ thể và sử dụng collocation chính xác (more parks, immerse myself in nature/greenery). Sửa ngữ pháp (plural nouns) và thay cụm từ lạ bằng từ tự nhiên. Thêm liên từ để mạch lạc (for example, because, so).

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide places for exercise and relaxation. For example, more small parks would allow me to take short walks during lunch breaks and enjoy being immersed in nature.

提案: Tránh rối loạn câu và nhiều tiếng ngắt quãng; trả lời ngắn gọn rõ ràng với 1-2 câu. Giải thích ưu tiên cụ thể (studies, deadlines) và dùng cấu trúc tự nhiên (I don't have much time / I'm focused on my studies). Tránh dùng nhiều filler (uh, um).

例: Actually, I don't have any specific parks I plan to visit soon because I'm focusing on my academic goals. Right now I have many deadlines and little free time, so I prefer to spend my free moments studying.

× MMM I would do enjoy going park when I was a child because my family could afford expensive outing.

✓ MMM I enjoyed going to the park when I was a child because my family could afford expensive outings.

Incorrect use of 'would do enjoy' and missing -ing form usage; 'would do enjoy' is ungrammatical. Use past simple 'enjoyed' to describe a habitual past action. Also add preposition 'to' before 'the park' and pluralize 'outing' to 'outings' to match 'could afford' many events. Suggestion: use 'enjoyed' for past habit and include necessary prepositions and plural forms.

× We often play game and had picnics there so it was a happy time and simple time.

✓ We often played games and had picnics there, so it was a happy and simple time.

Mixed tenses and missing plural: 'play' should be past 'played' to match 'had'. 'game' should be plural 'games'. Also combine adjectives naturally: 'a happy and simple time'. Suggestion: keep consistent past tense and pluralize nouns when referring to repeated activities.

× To be an AD, I still like going to the park now because after constant hard working day, I would like to immerse myself into the space which is surrounded by a green plane.

✓ As an adult, I still like going to the park now because after a constantly hard-working day, I like to immerse myself in a space surrounded by green plants.

Several issues: 'To be an AD' is unclear; use 'As an adult'. 'Constant hard working day' needs article and adverb: 'a constantly hard-working day'. 'Would like to immerse' is acceptable but simpler 'like to immerse' fits present habit. Use 'immerse myself in' not 'into', and 'green plane' should be 'green plants' or 'a green plain' depending on meaning; likely 'plants'. Suggestion: use correct participle/adverb forms and correct preposition 'in'.

× To be honest, I would like to see more park in my city because I want to.

✓ To be honest, I would like to see more parks in my city because I want to.

Count noun 'park' needs plural 'parks' after 'more' or use 'more of a park' in different sense. 'More' requires plural when referring to additional countable items. Suggestion: use plural 'parks' with 'more'.

× I want to emerge myself into the plant entries.

✓ I want to immerse myself among the plants.

Incorrect verb 'emerge' and wrong preposition 'into' with reflexive structure. Use 'immerse myself in/among' and 'plants' not 'plant entries'. Suggestion: use 'immerse myself among the plants' for natural phrasing.

× Let me see, I think that I didn't, I don't have, uh, I don't have desire of going park because I have more.

✓ Let me see, I think that I don't have a desire to go to parks because I have other priorities.

Mixed past 'didn't' and present 'don't' causes confusion; keep present 'don't'. 'Desire of' is incorrect; use 'desire to'. 'Going park' needs 'go to parks'. 'I have more' is vague; replace with 'other priorities'. Suggestion: maintain consistent tense and use correct verb patterns 'desire to' and 'go to'.

× I have many, uh, the dream about my, uh, academic performance.

✓ I have many dreams about my academic performance.

Unnecessary articles and hesitation markers; use plural 'dreams' and remove 'the'. 'About my academic performance' is correct. Suggestion: simplify and use plural noun for multiple dreams.

× So I'm too busy.

✓ So I'm too busy.

This sentence is grammatically correct; it appropriately uses present continuous to express current state. No change needed.